Men are like

* No Flaming (verbally attacking people or groups of people - e.g. a profession, an organization, a company.)

As a man, I am thoroughly offended!
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These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!



1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant t he other one

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really < /B>

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.​
 
Why men should not write advice columns



Dear Walter:I hope you can help
me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the
house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred
yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I
couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe
mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing
my make up. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for
twelve years.When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had
dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But
when I asked him about the make-up, he broke down and admitted that he'd
been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would
leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has
been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much,
but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly
distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Mrs. Sheila Usk


Dear Sheila: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be
caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that
there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee
clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these
approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is
faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I
hope this helps.

Walter
 
Quote:
This is just hilarious! That's the way I see things sometimes.


Oh yea, and any woman who would leave her husband in that manner deserves to be left herself.
 
Q : What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A : Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.
One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
 
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That's ok, you are a well trained woman too

You're right about that! Gotta admit. I cook, clean, do laundry, kill bugs of any kind, rid the place of snakes, mow the lawn, weedeat, garden, take care of all children and animals, fix fences, stack hay, and help with carpentry work.

He works A LOT without complaint, it's the least I could do.​
 
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