Mentally Ill Cousin on FB...

[SourRoses]

I have to politely disagree with those posts making it out to be some sort of choice on her part. I think that kind of thinking harms alot of people with mental health issues.
Perhaps, yes, a need to create conflict and lash out... but just because someone is doing harm does not mean they are not hurting inside. It does not mean they see the result of the harm as actual harm having been done. She probably hurts herself more inside her head at every error she makes. It would only continue the cycle.
That can be really hard for other people to understand though.
But a person suffering a mental illness is in a far worse place than those who have to deal with the outer symptoms of mental illness. It's like a star gone super nova... all the fire and destruction is trapped inside where it cannot escape. People on the outside can only wonder about the occasional flare that comes shooting off towards them. So, no, not a choice. Not like a mean person who is just mean to see harm done.

But yes, hun.. glad to hear you can make it so she cannot post on your wall.

 

[Mattemma]

I would not keep someone on FB that wrote those things. I don't care if they are family and/or have a mental illness. If she does not want treatment(or it does not work) that is her problem. Personally I would find it very emotionally draining. In the least I would want to block her posts. I know telling her that her posts are unpleasant will probably not get her to stop,but I would probably tell her each time.Best wishes whatever you decide.

 

[QuailQT]

Quote:
Also agree with zippitydooda

It sounds like a disorder that she really has no control over and possibly like many other disorders, it just takes awhile to find the right medication/dose that suits the person, IF EVER.

It can obviously just make matters that much worse if the person is unable to keep relationships and therefore has no one there to help them keep on track with their medications (taking them correctly on the same schedule....if at all) and monitoring any progress between doctor visits, or just giving feedback (would imagine that it's hard to prescribe something when you're only getting feedback from the patient and no one else.)

I have a member in my family who had slight issues, but after a car wreck, they were multiplied. She's a great person that I adore and have been hurt by, but my mother finds it hard to be around her because of these issues and the way that her sister treated her mother before she passed away. My mother had talked about getting in touch with my aunt's doctor (without her knowing) and giving some more feedback in order to try to help her sister, but I'm not sure if she ever did or not).

My heart goes out to you, your family and especially your cousin.

It kind of puts me in mind of folks stricken with Alzheimer's. I don't know a lot about that either, but they do say things that are hurtful and I don't think that they can really help it. It hurts relationships that used to be strong.

These kind of relationships take LOVE and UNDERSTANDING, and I think that it's just wonderful that you still put an effort in keeping your relationship with her when that is just what she truly needs-->even when she treats you so badly. Doesn't every family have someone that is "special" in their own afflicted way?

Maybe she doesn't even understand just how hurtful she has been, OR possibly a lot of her outbreaks are from feeling so helpless and alone leaving her to feel starved for needed attention and desperate to do/say anything to get it?

Hang in there and please don't give up on her, for isn't that what sets us apart from the animals?

I would just recommend keeping the one FB page. Let her see everything that you post, so that she feels that she's part of your life, but kindly/gently explain that while you LOVE her and want to keep her in your life, she has been very hurtful lately...and that when "she" feels that she can restrain herself from posting such negativity, that you'd like her to join your FB dialogue once again.

Also, please don't worry about what your friends think that see her hurtful messages. If they are as sweet and kind as you, I'm sure it won't be hard for them to figure out that she has a condition. They are sure to understand and love YOU that much more for being the person who YOU are. :O)

Sending

and

 

[Laurajean]

Thank you for the kind words everyone.

Can anyone tell me how to set Facebook so she can't post on my wall but still be on my friends list? I think this would be a fair compromise, but can't find how to do it.

 

[Yay Chicks!]

Edited to delete as it was not a good idea for me to give any kind of professional advise, even generally, with regard to this situation. Good luck. I'm sure you will do the right thing.

 

[Katydid2011]

I had a similar problem and rather than deleting the family member, I simply changed my page settings so that she can still see everything but cannot comment. I have other family members who are avid hunters that post regular, gory photos of their kills that turn my stomach. Rather than defriending them, I simply hide them in my news feed so I don't have to see them! Facebook offers so many privacy options that it's easy to find a way to handle a problem without severing the connection.

That being said, trust your instincts and do what feels right for you!

 

[Katydid2011]

Quote:
1) Click on "Account" on the upper right hand corner of your page. 2) Scroll down and click on "Privacy Settings." 3) Toward the bottom of the screen you'll see a link that says "Customize Settings", click that. 4) Scroll down to "Permission to comment on your posts". To the right you will see your current setting, which is likely "Friends only"; Click on that setting and scroll down to "Customize". From there, you can add your cousins name where it says, "Hide this from these people."

I hope that helps!

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
1) Click on "Account" on the upper right hand corner of your page. 2) Scroll down and click on "Privacy Settings." 3) Toward the bottom of the screen you'll see a link that says "Customize Settings", click that. 4) Scroll down to "Permission to comment on your posts". To the right you will see your current setting, which is likely "Friends only"; Click on that setting and scroll down to "Customize". From there, you can add your cousins name where it says, "Hide this from these people."

I hope that helps!

Perfect, thank you!

I hope this is a good compromise. I hate to ostracize her like everyone else has, so this way she's still on my friend list. If she asks why she can't comment, I'll simply say "Because you always post rude things". Whether she can control herself or not (I think not), at least this is the truth. Right now her mother is in the process of getting her most recently born child removed from the home. It's sad; she's already had all her other kids removed one by one, due to neglect. Even more sad is that she keeps getting pregnant by random men to "replace" the kids that get taken. Her mother said she has just caught wind of this recent legal action with her remaining child, so I'm sure she's going through a lot of stress. And due to her mental illness, I imagine she is projecting her anger onto those around her. I feel for her, I really do. But I can't keep letting her post rude things, that's just not okay.

 

[naakte]

most people that do drugs or alcohol have or develop personality disorders
its so very sad

Donna Rogers

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
Actually, she doesn't do drugs or drink at all, she never has. Oddly, she's very religious and drugs and alcohol are big no-no's to her. Interesting however, that she is okay with having unprotected sex with multiple partners.