My 4 year old said a 4 letter word... RANT

[sparkles2307]

...no I wasnt listening to that country song either!

My kids are 5 and 4 and dont know their dad cause he was a lot of nasty things not appropriate for a family forum. So, the only father they have known is DH. He has a 14yo son, but they have been divorced since his son was 5 and son lives an hour away so they only see each other now and again. Due to not having a kid around 24/7 DH lived like a bachelor and had very lax rules for his son. Well, we have been together for 3 years, its not like he's brand new at this or is stilla djusting to having the kids around... but he just cant STOP cussing in front of them. We have gone the rounds about this... I mean, I have every right to expect my kids' father to set a good example for them, right!? But its not such a big deal that it would negate all the good things about this man who welcomed us with all our baggae into his heart with nary a second thought or backward glance. Last night he took the kids to town (4 miles) with him to see his brother and nephews. He saw some school buddy and wihtout thinking yelled a greeting that isnt even appropriate for adults to say in adult only company, let alone in front of my little angels. And then my 4yo sticks his head out the window and says "hey [edited]!" and what does DH do? He doest say "you shouldnt talk like Daddy" or "those are naughty words and I should nto have said it and you shouldnt either." he just brings the kids home and doesnt mention it till the kids are in bed. Then when I get upset and ask how many times I have to tell him to watch his mouth and how long does it take to get used to having kids around and watching your mouth he gets mad at me ... I dont know how to deal with this, I sheltered my kids, we never even had to have the privacy talk till about a month ago for crying out loud... so I tried to talk to my son this morning, as much as a 4yo will pay attention, and I told him that Daddy says those words because he drinks potty water, and if DS says those words he will have to drink potty water too because only a potty mouth says things like that.... I didnt know what else to do or say that he would understand. And DH doesnt get it that what my kids say relects on my parenting, whether or not I was the one who taught them to cuss! Argh I could just spit! 3 years the kids have been around him, I dont think "I'm still adjusting to having kids around" is a valid excuse anymore...

How do I explain to my kids (who idolize dad and want to be just like him) that they really really cant talk like him, and how do I get him to STOP without being a big meanie head!?

edited to remove the hinted profanity

 

[mamagardener]

I hope you find the answer to that, because I need it too. My husband loves his family very much and is a very good father, but sometimes he just doesn't control his mouth. Our oldest is 12, and since he was a baby I have been trying to get my husband to stop. He will say a bad word and then when I call him on it he says oops, I know I'm sorry. I am sick of saying honey, watch your mouth all the time. Also when kids repeat the words he says, I am an adult, I can say words like that, but you can't because you're a kid. Honestly!!!!
I love the man, but enough already.

 

[sparkles2307]

exactly! and his friends...I yell at them all to watch thier mouth around my kids and in my home but they just dont listen...

 

[rocktheflock]

i hope you figure out what to do. my dad's been pretty much the same way, but SOMEHOW Mom has kept my sister and me from copying him, although we've completely picked up her euphemisms (crap, etc.)

 

[cockadoodle]

Ever see the movie 'A christmas story'? This issue is as old as america. My dad cussed like a truck driver my whole childhood... ok that's probably stretching it a bit, but it was pretty common. I knew he was really mad when he would cuss in Dutch. I thought those were the funniest sounding cuss words on the planet when I was young, and commited them to memory immediately. If I had cussed at home however, especially if it had been directed at someone. The belt came out and I never did that as a result. Like with many things in life... be it smoking, drinking beer, staying up till midnight or taking the car out for a drive, I was taught at a very young age to "Do as I say, not as I do". It's a foreign concept at first for kids, but one that pretty much the parental side of the planet lives by.

Edited to add, I should point out however, that when one of my friends, or wife's friends come over and start cussing up a storm over something, we both reserve the right to tell them to stop. I think that's pretty important, our desire to bring up decent kids completly trumps either of our friends supposed need to toss out explicitives.

 

[karl lutz]

I am the guiltiest of fathers but at least my WW keeps the kids straight. Ihave to say to quit cursing is the hardest bad habit I have not given up. I gave up smoking ,chewing, and other stuff for my woman but the swear words keep popping out. My four year old has said some but he seems to understand that when I say dont repeat that, he doesnt and it keeps me out of hot water with my ww.

 

[wombat]

Teach your kids those words are wrong. They'e wrong for grownups, but they're especially wrong for kids.

Get a big fishbowl, glass jar, whatever. Make DH put a dollar in for each violation. (You too!)

Mrs. Wombat could take the paint off the ceiling when she's playing World of Warcraft. I taught my daughter "Clean up your act, mommy" when she was young (like 3

). That was a bad idea, in hindsight ... not good to have kids correcting adults ... but it was too funny.

The fine will at least show the kids that adults have punishments when they break the rules too.

One of the neighbor kids was over playing, and started a "naughty word party" in the kid's clubhouse. I made all the kids apologize to both sets of parents.

 

[Crusty McPottydoodle]

A friend's children grew up know that a certain word that begins with the 6th letter of the alphabet was mummy's SPECIAL word.

 

[Judy]

I would not be telling them stories like the one about potty water. They need to learn which words are the bad ones and which are not, so you will have to point this out whenever you hear one. You don't have to go into a rant, just say "bad word;" after a while you can do it with a look, or get them to point out which ones are bad. Two reasons for them to learn which is which, that they can understand, are that lots of people don't like to hear those words, and if they say them in school, they will get into trouble at school. It's just one of those things they must learn about how to go to school, no different from learning that they must do what the teacher says. Grown ups are allowed to do lots of things that kids are not; this is simply one of them. When they are grown they can choose how they want to talk, but not now.

 

[Crusty McPottydoodle]

Quote:
I see nothing wrong with children correcting adults. I think it is very important for kids to stand up to adults when they are wrong. Predators are interested in the kids who won't stand up to adults.