My 4 year old said a 4 letter word... RANT

[WisconsinChick]

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I grew up with this as well as did my son. I always told him it may not make sense now, but it will make perfect sense once he has a child!

It didn't make sense to me as a child and it still doesn't.

I prefer the lead by example approach. Kids are imitators. It is how they learn.

 

[cockadoodle]

Leading by example is another powerful tool for parents and is a great way to teach the morals you want your child to have. However, I refuse to live my life within the same constraints a 6 year old girl has. I like a beer after work for example, and a cigar on rare occaision. I also tend to cuss a little (not around my kids), especially after a bad day at work. These are all things that adults have earned the right to do. That's where the do what I say not as I do rule comes into play. I don't believe this is a ... well there's this way to raise your kid, or that way, kind of issue. I think good parents use multiple tools in their parental tool box to teach their kids to be happy and successful adults.


The "bad words" are symptoms of other issues, but aren't in themselves the issue at all... As far as adults are concerned, I personally don't believe that bad words exist. Bad people, yes. Depending on the context, almost everything in language could be used in such a way that the word is bad, or hurtful. Even individual letters.... like' F' or 'A' for example, can be used to construct sentences that are extremly foul. I've heard someone tell another once that "I love you" in such a creepy and disgusting way, that even love became a 'bad' word for a few moments. That person now has a restraining order against them.

Instead of teaching kids a dictionary of these "bad words" which will never be complete or even always accurate.. (additionally giving the words even More power than they really have to begin with) I think the better approach is teaching respect. What that means and how it is lost. Bad words are one of hundreds of things that can cause respect to be lost. By teaching good overal morals right vs. wrong, etc, you can cover almost every written and unwritten 'rule' in the civilized world and still get away with doing some of those things that most of us adults enjoy occaisionally.

Words are powerful of course, but only as powerful as people make them. By focusing on the words more than the person, the real issues are left unaddressed. I'm a firm believer in identifying the root cause of undesirable behaviour vs. outlawing the symptoms of it.

That doesn't mean I'd be ok with my 6 year old telling someone off, but if she does, I'm going to go way deeper than the use of the word(s). I also lead by example, as any good parent should. However, that is just one tool in the tool box.

 

[sparkles2307]

I agree that it is the job of the parents to set an example of how their child should behave. Children imitate their parents. Boys ape their dads... thats why this is such a big deal to me.

 

[PineBurrowPeeps]

My kids have all been taught that those are "Adult" words. Not that we cuss alot...

 

[Whispering Winds]

Wow. I didn't realize that cussing was deep seated something or other. I just thought it was a bad habit like smoking or drinking. My DH cusses, not too bad, and when our kids were little if they heard a certain two work expletive, and it wasn't with the F letter, they knew to get up and leave the room. They still laugh about it.

We are environmental. We become what we gaze upon. I told that to my five kids (o.k., I preached it a little during the teen years for all the good it did!) repeatedly and of course, they didn't believe me until they had kids of their own. . .now, ole' mom wasn't do dumb after all.

Cussing has been around since the beginning of time. You don't Igor said $#@#%&$#@ when the wheel ran over his foot, or Noah didn't think or say a word or two when he stepped in elephant dung? I am not condoning it, but come on, some people do and some people don't. I admit I hate to hear a woman curse like a man, which is becoming more and more common, but I was raised around it all my life, and I never ever picked it up except for a couple of common words that I rarely if ever use. It's a matter of choice. My dad never said curse words around women, except for BS, and that was usually over politics

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What can you do when your little ones say it? Just correct them and try to explain why they shouldn't. My 8 year old is horrified by it at this time of his life, just like he is about beer and smoking. I just honestly tell him its not a nice thing to do, it hurt people's feelings and we need to think before we speak. I don't like smoking because it costs so much money and makes your mouth taste icky and beer makes you stupid. (not everyone people, but I will say I have never met anyone who it made smarter!!!) and right now he thinks I am so smart!!! I want to keep it that way for another 15 years if I can!!!

Just my #$@#$ two cents worth!!!

 

[PineBurrowPeeps]

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[kagedgoddess]

start a "swear jar" i know it sounds silly, but it does work for some. my mil had one in her house and it always had money in it, but at least it gets the idea across. your kids might be too young, but its not for them, its for the grown ups. in mil's house Everyone had to put in the money if they cussed, even friends. it is kindof a joke between mil, dh and his stepdad now, but it shows the kids that swearing isnt good and there are consequences even for the adults.

 

[chickon baby]

Quite a few intresting views on the topic..WOW!As a mom Who does not like the cussing I always told my kids if you dont hear mommy say it,then you sholdnt say it.My D.H was not one to cuss but on occasion would let one slip.My family however had a potty mouth and couldnt care less if there were kids ard..I would always remind them,if anyone chooses to use a word that mommy doesnt say,they shouldnt either.They never repeated it and as they grew,they knew the difference between a "bad word" and a word that was ok.When some man pulled out in front of us and almost hit us,I relplied,"you turkey" watch where your going.My kids who at the time were 5,4,2,1 ,well the oldest one said,"whooo,mommy,you said a bad word...lol...To this day,they are all older now,they joke and say I have a potty mouth because I called a guy a turkey...Too funny...I do agree w/the swear jar for the hubby.I would also explain that they are children and children shouldnt say some of the words some adults do.

 

[bigkford]

I have to admit, when my son was 2 years old, me and hubby wentand bought one of those gameboxes. We lived in a trailor park that was quickly falling to drugs. We started to look to buy a house and our entertainment was these games. I got into the bad habit of saying The d word. My son went to Grandmas that monday, and said, dword Grandma wheres my breakfast. Gamebox got put away. I still have it, works fine but everytime I play those games it comes out. No more game box for mom.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

I agree that adults should not have to live by the same rules as children and children need to know this. My husband and I neither cuss around our children but do in the proper company. We have what the kids call "mommy drinks" that they know they can't have and see me drink once in a blue moon. And here is how we have handled the multitude of cuss words they have learned at school. My kids (boys aged 12, 9, and 8) will all tell you this is how it works, too.

no word is "bad". It is a word so that isn't possible. Some words, however, are offensive. We try not to offend people because being offended doesn't feel good. Why be offensive when we don't have to? None of my kids feel a need to use those words and just roll their eyes when someone else does. Making things dirty, hidden, bad, just makes them more appealing.