My Father's Wishes...

[Judy]

Well, I started to share this before, and now I am going to.

When I was about 22 (a lifetime ago) and a student, a good friend and co-student took a curve too fast and was killed in a single car wreck on her way to school. On top of that, another dear friend of both of ours was on ambulance duty that day, and watched her die at the wreck site. She was living with her parents and going to school, having been kicked out of the military because she had a baby. She was definitely a fun-loving, party sort of person, not in any evil or illegal sense, just loved to be with friends and laugh and have fun, and had an amazing sense of humor. She was outgoing, loved everyone, just a warm-hearted and wonderful person.

Her parents were RC and had a mass for her funeral, so we (all her friends) went to the mass. Then we had a party for her. Music, dancing, good food, lots of good laughs and fun, lots of telling of anecdotes, in remembrance of her wonderful spirit. She was truly the focus. It always felt to me to be a perfect way to honor her wonderful spirit. I've never been to a funeral or memorial service since that I felt truly honored the person better.

It's all about the spirit of the thing.

I was going to the same school, which was an hour from the town we both lived in. The only reason we didn't ride together was that our class schedules did not mesh....

 

[Judy]

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I hear you. We also won't talk about what happened to my parents' and sister's ashes!

 

[debilorrah]

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That right there is what I want!!!! Have a danged party and remember me!!!

 

[Chicken Rustler]

Pineburrow I am so happy (for you) that you had the talk with your dad. Now he will rest assured that he isn't putting a burden on you and you can have a celebration of (his) life with out violating his final wishes. I know you said that your dad is not dying anytime soon, BUT still spend every minute you can. Trust me you will never regret it.

 

[StrawberryHouseMouse]

I think you should do all that he wishes and then after he is gone you should do what feels right to you. He likely feels like he doesnt want anyone to remember seeing him the last time as a dead corpse or container of ashes. I can completely understand that need and desire. He wants people to remember him as living. So here's what to do.

Suggest to him what you feel like and ask him if he feels alright if you can have a party after his death. After his ashes are scattered. A party to celebrate his life. Videos, photos, stories. Nothing wrong with that right? No one will have a last memory of him as a corpse or a bag of dust. Instead they will get together and see him as the man he was through memories and videos/photos.

 

[newchickenfamily]

This is what happened when my grandmother passed. She pretty much had the same requests. We followed them, but it was very strange to not have a memorial service or some type of traditional "closure".

There have been some great suggestions here...

ETA: I just saw the post about you talking to your dad! That's great.... I thought it might go that way too.

 

[debilorrah]

Jenna - most memorial parks have a permit for scattering ashes, and many other places, such as Yosemite or Yellostone, etc., will provide a one day permit for such things. It is illegal to just go do it somewhere, put there are ways around it.