My husband is always meddling.......

[swampducks]

Men do like to fix problems as a previous poster said. But I don't think bursting into tears is necessarily a good thing to do. I know if I do that my husband would rather run the other way because he doesn't know what to do with that. But I am very familiar with the problem of not getting him to do things around the house. (I still can't get him to wash dishes, vacuum, etc, he complains it hurts his back, but we don't want to go there),

BUT we were on the verge of divorce a few years ago (IMHO) because we were both frustrated with each other, etc. Oddly enough, and desperate enough I read self help books which he totally frowns upon but I found one, I'm sure y'all have heard of it: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? I got it at the library, I read it, and even got DH to read it, and my gosh if that author did not hit the nail on the head about men vs women. Men do want to fix things, they can't read minds, you have to ask them to do things for you otherwise they just go along their merry way thinking nothing is wrong. Maybe the way he explains things can sound hokey (and we didn't do any of those exercises psychologists are so fond of), but we followed some of his suggestions and things got better.

We went from him going off to his barn/garage/camp and ignoring me for days (heck, he built the dang thing so he could avoid our problems) to last fall asking me if there were any little jobs around the house I needed him to do. (That is amazing simply because he is always saying he has so many projects, all his of course, that he has no time for anything else). I finally got a new pop door on the chicken coop, after spending the entire time complaining the previous winter that it was broken, etc etc. Does no good to complain, they don't "get it" you have to tell them. Most often it works, sometimes you have to request more than once.

and the big thing we got out of it is to use the words would and will not could and can. The first he has to respond to, the other, means "yeah, I could but doesn't mean I will."

This will not be fixed in days, it took us months. But instead we did celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary last October, something I thought would not happen a few years ago.

 

[zippitydooda]

Take turns. One week HE feeds, waters, cleans, etc and the next week is yours. Mark it on the calendar so you both know who has the responsibility.

Of course, you need to approach him first and discuss it. Don't just spring it on him that all of a sudden this is the way it will be. If he isn't interested in handling any of the chores related to the hobby, then it is YOUR hobby totally. Don't ask him for ANY help and you won't have anything to complain about. Do it yourself. Lots of women are capable with a saw, hammer, nails and so forth. If you don't want to do it yourself, pay someone else to do it exactly how you want it. Otherwise, stop complaining about how he builds things.

 

[PotterWatch]

I can sympathize. Many times, I have asked my husband for help with a specific task. Usually something like "Can you do the dishes because we have company coming over later". I would come home to find that he mowed the lawn and swept the back porch but didn't do the dishes. He felt that I should be grateful because the lawn did need mowing and the porch did need sweeping, but I wasn't at all grateful because those things weren't nearly as important to the company coming over in 15 mins. It took a few years before I learned that I really needed to say "I need you to do the dishes before company comes over. I know there are other things that need to be done as well, but the dishes are the most important and I would appreciate it if you got that done before any other projects." Once I learned how to ask, we have managed much better. There are still times where he does what he wants anyway, but not nearly as often. Men just don't read between the lines the same way as women do. I also think they tend to be much more pouty when they don't get their way...