My leukemia's back.

[N F C]

Outpost, I'm glad you stood up for yourself. You tried and it didn't work out, at least you tried. Now you can move on, good for you!

 

[lazy gardener]

Well, not planned, but I have eliminated caring for my parents off of my list. Dad and I got in a very bad argument and I told him to either apologize or I was leaving and not coming back. He turned around in his wheel chair and faced the wall-sat there in silence for a minute, then started name calling all over again. He had no right to say the things he did to me, about me, about my husband and my son. I put up with all that I was willing to. I left there Saturday morning around 12am. Called my aunt to take over and she (his sister) said "He's not my problem". I assumed mom (step mom) would at least call me, but they are definitely in some sort of bubble together-along with the 1/2 of my family that coddles my pedifile cousin.

My brother has been caring for them since. He came over last night and apologized to me on how dad treated me. Idk why he is taking care of them, but he's an adult and it's his choice. Not going to fault him, just don't understand. My choice has been to never step foot on their property again. Never let them darken my door. Never answer my phone if they do call. I am done with them. I don't deserve to be called names and belittled. Dad has always been verbally abusive and chooses to see bad in others even though he-himself is a very bad one. He denies the affairs on my mom too, and mom has no self esteem so she is in total denial. So what if he only came home once a month....he was "working" on her house, helping the young, divorce' with her kids. LOL! It felt so freeing to leave there Saturday! Even better than when I moved out at 18 years old. Sorry to vent to you all.

In better news, contractors will be back here today. They will be painting the floor support boards with kilz and working on the kitchen. I'll be so happy when we can RELAX. (Does that ever happen?)

Got to get ready for work. You all have a wonderful day

I'm sorry you've had to deal with the abuse. I know that can tear you up inside. As far as relaxing? Good luck with that. We're happy when we can carve out time for a few hours on a weekend to "not be working."

 

[sourland]

Outpost, nothing is worse than toxic family members - those who are supposed to love us. "Friends are the family we make for ourselves."

 

[N F C]

"Friends are the family we make for ourselves."

Ditto

 

[LittleLakePhil]

Well, not planned, but I have eliminated caring for my parents off of my list.  Dad and I got in a very bad argument and I told him to either apologize or I was leaving and not coming back.  He turned around in his wheel chair and faced the wall-sat there in silence for a minute, then started name calling all over again.  He had no right to say the things he did to me, about me, about my husband and my son.  I put up with all that I was willing to.  I left there Saturday morning around 12am.  Called my aunt to take over and she (his sister) said "He's not my problem".  I assumed mom (step mom) would at least call me, but they are definitely in some sort of bubble together-along with the 1/2 of my family that coddles my pedifile cousin. 

My brother has been caring for them since.  He came over last night and apologized to me on how dad treated me.  Idk why he is taking care of them, but he's an adult and it's his choice.  Not going to fault him, just don't understand.  My choice has been to never step foot on their property again.  Never let them darken my door.  Never answer my phone if they do call.  I am done with them.  I don't deserve to be called names and belittled.  Dad has always been verbally abusive and chooses to see bad in others even though he-himself is a very bad one.  He denies the affairs on my mom too, and mom has no self esteem so she is in total denial. So what if he only came home once a month....he was "working" on her house, helping the young, divorce' with her kids.  LOL!  It felt so freeing to leave there Saturday!  Even better than when I moved out at 18 years old.  Sorry to vent to you all. 

In better news, contractors will be back here today.  They will be painting the floor support boards with kilz and working on the kitchen.  I'll be so happy when we can RELAX.  (Does that ever happen?)

Got to get ready for work.  You all have a wonderful day

Wow...if some of that doesn't sound familiar...a little of my family...a little of my wife's....Chris never talked to her mother last 10 years of her life...And my dad was an mean alcoholic....sorry about your family issues...That's why me and my wife always just concentrated on our immediate family tucked up in the woods 500 miles away from the rest of them.

 

[LittleLakePhil]

Oh ....Morning everyone it's raining again....if it doesn't stop soon I'm going to build an ark...it's been raining all week except yesterday afternoon.....the ducks love it though....My neighbor said they were playing toss the dead frog ...regular clowns they are....

 

[Blooie]

I learned a long time ago that love fixes nothing. If it did, we wouldn't have gone through the nightmares of raising our middle daughter because there would have been no nightmares. So to spare us any more agony, we've had to basically cut her out of our lives. Oh, when she calls I still talk to her. But those calls are far and few between and I know that they are never going to end well. Still, I gave her life and I didn't hold her in my arms and promise to love her forever only during good times. With BPD, there aren't too many of those. I've raised her kids to be great adults with good lives of their own and we made them learn all the could about her mental illness. The last thing I ever wanted was for them to blame themselves or us for the problems in her life. But like Little Diane said, "When she's calling every five minutes with threats and calling me the ugliest names I've ever heard, it's real hard to remember that she's sick." Yep.

So JB, it doesn't require near as much courage to take care of someone with your Dad's issues as it does to finally stand up, cut your losses, and walk away from him. THAT takes courage because when you walk away, a lot of the baggage is still attached to you. Shedding the guilt, the anger, and the hurt will be the bravest thing you've ever done. Do yourself and your family a favor - try to shed it slowly instead of all at once. If you try to get rid of all that at one time, little pieces of you go with it. Doing it more slowly gives it time to fully detach first.

Soooo, on to better and brighter things. Got down to 29 here last night and there's snow on the mountains this morning. So winter is on it's way. Still have to get the plastic on the run and the heater put in the water tank, then we're ready for whatever Wyoming throws at us. C'mon, Old Man Winter!! I ain't asceered of you!

 

[Bunnylady]

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," just ain't true. Words do hurt. You may have the maturity and perspective to know that "this is their problem, not mine," but it can still hurt when they hurl those daggers at you. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is put yourself out of range. It doesn't mean that you stop caring, you just have to do your caring from a safe distance, because you know that getting close will just mean getting hurt.

My father in law was an abusive alcoholic. He didn't want his son to marry me, and I do not exaggerate when I say that for many years, he wouldn't talk to me on the phone (if he called and I answered, all he'd do is tell me to tell my husband he had called, and hang up). It was no coincidence that all of his children moved hours away as soon as they could. During the last few years of his life . . . maybe he just didn't have the energy to keep up the fight any more, or something, I don't know . . . . Anyway, some of the walls came down, and I began to get a chance to see the man behind all that weaponry. I actually began to like him, and I was genuinely sorry when he died. I wish I could have gotten to know him sooner - but that was his choice, not mine. I count it a blessing that we were on amicable terms when he passed away; I have nothing to feel guilty about on that score.

You have to live your life in a way that makes sense to you. "Drama" is usually painful (except maybe for the people who create it); it's painful to have it directed at you and it can be painful just to watch. Some people are always going to be bleeding, and they'll make you bleed too, if you let them. You can't control their bleeding, the only thing you can control is the amount of damage they can do to you, and if that means walking away, well, sometimes it's the only healthy thing you can do.

 

[donrae]

Outpost, I'm sorry things ended like this, but it sounds like it's for the best. You gave it a try and can rest easy you made the effort. We get in the mindset that once a person is old we have to put up with all their crap, when in reality they've simply been an ***** all their lives. It may suck for them when that behavior hits home and no one will care for them, but that's what paid caregivers are for.

Be home with your family and enjoy them!

I've got two loaves of banana bread and a batch of peanut butter cookies done

More bananas to use up, and I'm thinking corn chowder. I'm brining my little cockerel to roast tonight, and since it's so small I've got a pack of chicken legs to satisfy the carnivores. I've defrosted a pound of fresh ground pork and will be looking at recipes to sausage season it for Blooie's sausage apple stuffing recipe....hint, hint

. I'm thinking sage sausage, right? We didn't care for any of the sausages offered by our butcher, so we got all our ground pork unseasoned. I'll have to learn some sausage recipes for different flavors.

 

[N F C]

Rachel, if you all like Italian sausage like for pasta dishes, pizzas, etc., I have a good recipe I'd be glad to share with you. We get the plain ground pork and flavor our own too. Tastes better and cheaper than the pre-made sausage you can get in the grocery stores.