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hang in there friend....I can tell from your writing your going through a lot....obviously poor health causes a great amount of depression....try t to enjoy each day as best you can....every day is a gift....I was given a "few" years to live in 1995.....by the grace of God and amazing doctors I'm still here...the one thing I learned was to enjoy every sunrise..and take every day as they come.....you don't know me...but you are in my prayers every night.....I never pray for myself (except that I'm guided to make good decisions) but I ask that people like you are taken care of my friend.... I like to think my prayers help...so just hang in there and don't let the depression "own" you.......Phil