My leukemia's back.

[Outpost JWB]

Phil, I'm sensing a prednisone burst and a Z-pack in your future. You all didn't know I was psychic, didja?

Dr. appt today and everything's going well, except my kidney function is trending upward. Kidneys have been total champs through all this until now. I'm doing fluid challenges this weekend and we'll recheck. But CBC, etc looks great. Making my own blood, and white cells. Yippee!

I did have a hit out of the blue though. Wednesday I planned to leave from work and drive the 4 hours to my Moms, spend the night and come home the next eve. 15 minutes before I left, my supervisor called me to her office. I'd been there 90 days now, and time for a review. Okay, I'm happy. I've put in for a full time position and I'm thinking I'm also going to interview for that. 

Nope. 

My status was changed from part time to as needed. No input from me. Simply told that, with the new position they're interviewing for (but not interviewing me, apparently), looking down the road they may not need a triage nurse this many hours. So, they're changing my status now. Oh, and I'm slow and need to step things up and be more efficient. 

Well, I stew over that while I'm at Moms. Back to work this morning and talk to her again. Now the story changes. The status change wasn't for things happening down the road, it's because she's not happy with my performance. What? I had to ask twice to get things in writing, too. If you're a supervisor and want an employee to improve something, wouldn't you write it down for them to refer to? Anyway, the written is really pretty scathing. I'm apparently just a sucky employee who doesn't communicate, has poor time management skills, no attention to detail, is disorganized, and slow to boot. I feel tired just reading how bad I am. I think I'd really have to put a lot of effort into being that poor an employee. 

I'd just been telling my FNP how happy I was back at work. How good it was for me to be back, etc. Now, I'm just not sure. And all tied up in this is us wanting to buy a new house. I'm so upset because I set us back when I took this job, and now with my disability for the boys aging out in 3 years financing could be tricky. So, I'd sure appreciate a prayer for peace and guidance. 

On a good note, a friend literally happened upon a very striking blue copper Marans rooster to go with my ladies. Brought him home tonight, we'll see how things go tomorrow. 

And on a "Thank you Lord that's not me" note, a close friend just found out she's pregnant. Five months pregnant. She's 40 years old, her youngest is 11 and not only did her husband have a vasectomy, she had an IUD. Baby girl looks good on ultrasound and the IUD isn't an issue, so that's good. But that must be one little girl God really, really wants born, right?

I understand fully about bad reviews. I had NEVER had a bad review, since I've been working since the age of 15years old. Then, here I am 45, and my branch manager gives me my yearly review.....he had only worked with me 2 months. It started out wonderful, "You are very reliable. Always willing to go the extra mile. Come in on your off days when others call out. Always balance your tills properly" on and on. Then, he got a phone call he had to take. 20 minutes later I go back for the rest of my review, it was like Dr Jeckel /Mr Hyde. "You don't set up enough accounts. You are frequently late. (????) You don't take initiative." I wanted to CRY. Instead I got ticked. I had a bad attitude after that and I did not focus or care about my job. I did nothing wrong, but I sure didn't stretch my neck out to do anthing extra. I spent every extra minute looking for my current job. (Which I am loving!)

The new baby for your friend.....tell her I totally understand! I was 35. Son was 13, step daughters were 15 & 16. Hubby had quadruple bypass heart surgery one week after I found out I was pregnant. God threw me that curve ball & I had NO IDEA WHAT HE WAS THINKING! Or how I was suppose to make it out of all this alive. Lol! My (now 10 year old) daughter is the biggest blessing I never knew I wanted. My life is living proof that God knows best (and that he has a sense of humor).

I was suppose to tell you all that Hbhoffman and I talked last week and all is going well. She asked that i tell you all "Hi!" Sorry I didn't communicate that earlier. You all have a


HAPPY INDEPENDANCE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[N F C]

Good morning and Happy 4th of July to you all!

 

[Blooie]

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!​

 

[sourland]

Happy and safe 4th of July to all.

 

[Bunnylady]

Blooie, that's adorable. I hope the kids (and everyone else) have a wonderful 4th!

 

[Blooie]

Thanks, and the same to you and your family. As long as Katie has her headphones on, she can tolerate it all pretty well. Kendra not so much!

 

[LittleLakePhil]

Thanks all for the support and feedback. 

It's been an ongoing learning experience, and they have been giving me some feedback on things I need to correct. I appreciate that, one of my greatest professional fears is being That Person that everyone else needs to go behind and fix their work. The thought horrifies me. But, how the review was written, making one time things sound like regular occurrences, and things that I actually think I'm pretty darn good at saying I'm a poor performer. I just don't know how much it's worth fighting.  I hate drama and conflict and don't want to work somewhere I have to deal with those. The last three months, I've woken up excited to go to work. Now, sitting here typing about it, I can feel my BP going up. So not what I need. 

And it's all wrapped up in the new house thing. I put the move on hold cause I wanted to go back to work. Now, to get financing, I pretty much have to work or we have to sell this place first. I have the fallback of disability, but the boys' payments end when they turn 18/graduate. And for financing, they want it to be guaranteed for at least 3 years. Sugar Monkey turns 15 next month, so the financing folks won't count the income from them. 

I"m not sure how to tell if I really can't cut it or not. 

And if I quit, I know Honey's going to quit also. He's going to need to get another job asap, but he's also been supposed to be persuing his RN and hasn't done a thing. It's been almost a year and nothing. It's hard as I've been the primary wage earner until I got sick, and even then he's only had a decent income the last year. I need to find a way to tell him I'm depending on him now and he needs to provide some security. Anyone here watch Dave Ramsey? the wife has a security gland that's connected to her face......if you want a pretty wife, provide security. Maybe we need to revisit Financial Peace. 

And then.....the dogs attacked a goat last night. I'm sure it was basically Roscoe, but Eve was there also. The goat's okay this am. It has a pretty good laceration to the side of the neck, and was shocky, but no other physical injuries. We took him to our friend's (it's actually her goat that we were boarding to eat blackberries) and she sutured him and has him crated on the porch for a few days. So, goat's okay but what about the dogs? In theory we have a zero tolerance policy, but my heart says, but it's Roscoe. And I can come up with circumstances and excuses and whatever. But honestly, I'd rather get rid of the goats than shoot the dog. And if the dog has to go, I don't want to get another. And I'm not sure I can live without a dog. 

So, I just ordered a training collar. We can keep them apart for the next few days until it gets here. Then, I'll put in some training time and see how they respond. Eve should pick up pretty fast, but Roscoe has a higher prey drive and I'll just have to see how it goes. 

I'm kind of heart sick. 

Any suggestions from the dog contingent? 


Phil, sorry you have issues with access to the providers. Our VA here is so difficult to get ahold of, my heart goes out for you. Do what you know you can at home, nebs and can you burst your prednisone on your own? 

hb, glad the trip went well. 

everyone else, stay cool and have a good 4th. Thank you Lord we live in a country where we're free to worship You. 

Racheal.....I will only say this one last time.....I think you should work on you. I think you should allow yourself time to heal. Once you are the best you can be then worry about work. I may be the only other person on this thread who KNOWSjust how sick you were (are).
I said before i had about as good of an outcome as you can very post transplant and i was in no way ready to go back to work till year 4. Then they got 14 more years of gainful employment from my butt.
As far as the dog goes.....if you love the dog and he's part of the family them get rid of the goats. Goats are great and i would love some.....but dogs are family.
Everyone have a great 4th.....we are going to town for the fireworks. Last time we did i was not even sick....(over 20 years ago).
Racheal.....that disability is there for a reason. Use it.....get better first.....life will still happen.....
.....love ya Phil

 

[lazy gardener]

Racheal.....I will only say this one last time.....I think you should work on you. I think you should allow yourself time to heal. Once you are the best you can be then worry about work. I may be the only other person on this thread who KNOWSjust how sick you were (are).
I said before i had about as good of an outcome as you can very post transplant and i was in no way ready to go back to work till year 4. Then they got 14 more years of gainful employment from my butt.
As far as the dog goes.....if you love the dog and he's part of the family them get rid of the goats. Goats are great and i would love some.....but dogs are family.
Everyone have a great 4th.....we are going to town for the fireworks. Last time we did i was not even sick....(over 20 years ago).
Racheal.....that disability is there for a reason. Use it.....get better first.....life will still happen.....
.....love ya Phil

RACHEL, LISTEN TO DA MAN!!!!!!

 

[LittleLakePhil]

Hope you all had a great 4th.
Marquette really does a great show over Lake Superior....all private donations too. Was 72 degrees.....a perfect night.

 

[donrae]

We also had a great night for watching fireworks. Hope everyone had a safe and happy day!


so, you all may be right about the back to work too soon. I wound up in the ED yesterday, just not feeling right. Weak, nauseated, heart racing, fatigued. Everything on the workup was fine, but I just felt crappy. Doing better today, but it's making me think maybe this work thing isn't worth it at this point. I'm going to go in tomorrow and meet with the bosses and see what they're thinking, and say I can either have a guarantee of 3 days a week or I'll basically quit. According to Disability, I can earn up to $800 a month and not have it effect my benefits. That would be about 3 days a month, hardly worth it. I guess I could just fill in for vacations, sick days, etc. We'll see. Honey read my review and he doesn't think it's as bad as I did, but he does see a specific co-worker's fingerprints all over the comments. I knew I'd never be bestest bestie best friends with her, but I thought we had a decent working relationship. And at this point, I'm just tired of stressing about it. Spending the summer at home tending my garden and chickens and getting to know my kids again is very appealing.