Phil. Just now reading about your loss. No words are capable of consoling. My husband's first wife did this. I can only say that I saw how it affected the family. She left 7 children behind. They all handled it different. It's a hard thing to understand. No one ever will. We have a daughter that has now tried suicide. She has been in the hospital many times, for months at a time. She's now in there at this time. I'm so sorry that you are going through what may seem like hell itself. Another thing I can say from what I've seen these children go through. Living does get better. If you let it. Hard to see now, but it can, and as someone mentioned, you've been through some pretty rough times...tough as they were..you made it. Praying for you to get through this with a different kind of strength, for a different ..but not easy.. situation.