Phil, are any of those kids, that were ticking you off, still there with you? I know they make you angry, but sometimes it puts a bit of fire in the belly, and gives a break from the grief. Maybe a trip to stay with one of them, or with a friend, for a couple weeks, would benefit you. I know that doesn't exactly sound like something you even want to do right now, but seriously consider it. Having people around, even annoying ones, can help get you through the toughest time in the grief process. Due to the holidays, it's even more important to consider having people around you.