My Mom Has Depression, May Be Considering Suicide.*Advice Needed*

[Erin~TheChickenLover]

My mom has been having a really rough time for several months. She has anxiety and depression and something else that has failed to be diagnosed. Sometimes, she says that it feels like there is a hair in the back of her throat and she pukes. She has lost weight because of this and is a bit afraid to eat. She has days when she feels awful. She has trouble sleeping and often has strange dreams. I think that in the back of our minds we are wondering if she may have cancer. After going to the doctor and being given medicine that only made things worse, she doesn't want to go again. She also doesn't want to pay for another doctor's visit. I'm scared, she is scared. Some days she is really emotional. Yesterday was one of them days. She said, "Sometimes I think I would feel better if I just shot myself in the head." I am terrified that she may attempt suicide and I don't like letting her out of my sight for long. I had an awful nightmare a few nights ago that she committed suicide, and I'm afraid that it may be hinting at the future. I don't know whether I should talk about my dream and my fear that she is thinking of suicide with her or not. Would it make her feel worse? I'm trying to do everything I can to make her happy, but it's emotionally exhausting for me. In the nightmare, I was going after her to try and stop her from killing herself when I got side tracked and didn't get there in time. I'm afraid that this will happen. I don't know how to talk about this with her. I don't know what to do. Should I let the rest of my family (my dad and my brother) know of my concerns? My mom is middle aged and still has a lot of life to live. I just can't bare the thought of her killing herself and possibly going to Hell. Please, any advice on how to handle this?

 

[mississippifarmboy]

Do tell your Dad and brother your concerns. Depression is serious.
Might tell a minister, other family member or someone else you think you can trust too.



I know. I suffer from it myself.

 

[amorrill]

(RN here) Does your mother have access to a gun? People are very unlikely to actually commit suicide without a plan and access to a means. If she is being so specific as to say, not just that sometime she wants to die, but specifically how she would kill herself, "shoot myself in the head", that is VERY concerning if she has or could access a gun.

Your mother needs help, and she needs more help than you or your family can give her, no matter that you love her so. You say that you try so hard to make her happy, but hon, you can't make someone with suicidal depression happy, and that is not your fault. There are some serious chemical imbalances inside her that are making her miserable even if things are going well. She needs medical attention, and if she will not seek it, I would have her chaptered. I don't know the laws where you live, but in most places, calling the police and telling them she has threatened to hurt herself or others will get her hospitalized for a mandatory evaluation period.

I know that that sounds harsh, but it could literally save her life, and save you from the guilt if she is allowed to harm herself. Even with medical/psychiatric attention, if she is not ready to get better, it is out of your hands, or her doctor's. At least you will know you've tried. It would not hurt to confront her and ask if she is thinking about suicide, and it might be helpful to have the rest of your family informed and invited to join and support you in that.

 

[Erin~TheChickenLover]

Do tell your Dad and brother your concerns. Depression is serious.
Might tell a minister, other family member or someone else you think you can trust too.



I know. I suffer from it myself.

Thank you for your response, I will tell them.

 

[Erin~TheChickenLover]

(RN here) Does your mother have access to a gun? People are very unlikely to actually commit suicide without a plan and access to a means. If she is being so specific as to say, not just that sometime she wants to die, but specifically how she would kill herself, "shoot myself in the head", that is VERY concerning if she has or could access a gun.

Your mother needs help, and she needs more help than you or your family can give her, no matter that you love her so. You say that you try so hard to make her happy, but hon, you can't make someone with suicidal depression happy, and that is not your fault. There are some serious chemical imbalances inside her that are making her miserable even if things are going well. She needs medical attention, and if she will not seek it, I would have her chaptered. I don't know the laws where you live, but in most places, calling the police and telling them she has threatened to hurt herself or others will get her hospitalized for a mandatory evaluation period.

I know that that sounds harsh, but it could literally save her life, and save you from the guilt if she is allowed to harm herself. Even with medical/psychiatric attention, if she is not ready to get better, it is out of your hands, or her doctor's. At least you will know you've tried. It would not hurt to confront her and ask if she is thinking about suicide, and it might be helpful to have the rest of your family informed and invited to join and support you in that.

She does have access to a gun. There is a gun in virtually every room here. That is one of the things that worries me. When she shuts herself in her bedroom, I have to think, "Is she going to shoot herself?" We also have a pond that she could drown herself in and pills that she could overdose on. It's terrifying. She has mentioned, "Maybe I should just take all these pills, that would fix the problem." Thank you for your advice. I will try my best to get her to a doctor where she can get some medical attention. If I ever think that she is about to kill herself, I will call the police without a second thought. I will talk to her about it and tell my family as well.

 

[mississippifarmboy]

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers Erin...

 

[Erin~TheChickenLover]

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers Erin...

Thank you.

 

[Mingming]

Maybe you can even show your Mom what you wrote and the suggestions listed here. I think often people don't realize they're not the only ones dealing with their specific problem, and maybe it'll help her to know that other people care about you and her. Cause we do . And you and your Mom are definately in my prayers.

 

[onedoodle3]

When people talk of killing themselves, it is a cry for help. I've suffered from depression and even went the suicide route when I was 21. Thank God I did not succeed. She needs to see a doctor who knows what he's doing. My mother had the same feeling in the back of her throat. Her doc kept telling her there was nothing wrong. She finally went to a different doctor and they found out her thyroid was pressing into her throat. Maybe your mom just needs to see a different doctor. Sometimes we keep going to the same one because we are comfortable with them. But it's not good when the doctor becomes complacent with the patient. Not saying that is what is going on, just that maybe your mom needs to get a second opinion.


I will be praying for you and your family.

 

[drumstick diva]

Do you have a suicide hotline in your area? If someone is talking about" :being better off it they died," it's time to get serious help for them.

She may have a problem with her throat, etc or not. Depression tends to make you very sensitive to things around us, etc. iIT's better to be voluntarily committed - your mom goes to a hospital with mental health facilities, is interviewed by doctor or staff, and signs herself in. It's usually a five day stay unless the doctor(s) feel she is seriously in need of longer treament. Mental health wards are NOT snake pits. lot of people feel much better once they go impatient. All the outside world things that upset them are gone. Gives the patient a chance to settle down and deal with their person problems. The food is usually very good, the company (other patients) are eager to have companionship. A big weight is taken off when you are no longer responsible for taking care of house chores, dinner,family etc.

It is not your fault your mom is depressed and it's not your job to try and cheer her up. With true depression that isn't possible. People who are suicidal can be very moody and anxious etc. but, ONCE they make plans about doing away with themselves, they may get strangely peaceful. That in no way means the danger is past but, just the opposite. If she refuses to be voluntarily hospitalized, she will need a doctor, etc. to do it. She needs immediate attention. It's not a sad spell or being moody.