My story, "It's Complicated". ~Read~Comment~Tip~

[luvinmychickens]

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I did!

 

[luvinmychickens]

So.... Who wants more?

 

[luvinmychickens]

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I guess no one.

JK

 

[Symphony]

 

[Symphony]

OOPS! I meant to raise my hand,

 

[Ec_Prokta]

Looks good! I would change a few things, though... For example, details! When writing, it's not a good idea to do this:

"Hannah got a cake smashed into her face."

Rather, this:

"The cake smeared itself onto Hannah's face, covering every inch of it with sugary frosting and cake crumbs. She could barely breathe, for when she tried, cake crumbs would be vacuumed up her nostrils. Tears streamed down her face as she scurried inside, trying to block out the laughs of the bullies who rejoiced in their prank."

Detail is very important, don'tcha know! I'd love to read more of this.

 

[Symphony]

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x2

 

[luvinmychickens]

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Ok thanks. I'll change that. Hopefully I can do more later. Going out to eat right now.

 

[horsecrazychicklovingkid]

I hereby dub myself, a complete follower of luvinmmychickens's story!

 

[BirdNut]

I think it's a good story, with an interesting, ominous plot that has potential to have the reader chomping at the bit to see what happens next!

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Thank you for that wonderful example, Ec.