Need help...***Update***I think I'm done guys!

[Julie08]

I would hope that your parents would care more about seeing you being happy then seeing a *GASP!* dish on the counter. I have a small house too and I know what you mean about easily looking rotten. I put my dishes in the oven until I'm ready to do them. seriously, just remember to take them out before you preheat to throw in the frozen pizza you are making for dinner.

They grow up to FAST like everyone said..........

 

[JessHall]

Quote:

I've been crying almost 25% of every day for the last week and this isn't getting any easier.

I don't understand... I am doing EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO KEEP FOOD ON THE TABLE AND CLOTHES ON HIS BACK. We were doing great at first because of wedding $ (we're stupid stupid stupid kids) I have a little bit saved... a little more than half a mortgage payment saved, and we have some in checking. None of my bills are late, but i have this comfort zone that I am scared to death of getting out of. I remember living w/ Kades real dad, and counting change to get milk. I WILL NEVER EVER EVER LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN AS GOD IS MY WITNESS. If I have to work 24 -7 and invent an 8th day to work I will. Especially since I have a son now. I'm not an uptight snob and I KNOW there are others out there with serious money issues and more than one kid. But I already screwed up once by having him with someone who was not a great person.... I owe it to him.

Before I married DH I was with Kades real father who helped none at home and we ended up living like slobs. He'd get angry w/ me when I didn't work when I was preg., but he failed to realize that he was a job hopper and couldn't provide stable income. So I left him. (There were a few other things but we won't go there)
Now, I am very scared of that happening again. (Hence the house being perfect)

DH makes less than half of what I do at my M-F job, at his one job. No one will hire him... he's a Vet and is still in the Army, just had to tell his boss he won't be in for the rest of the week because Army is taking him until Sunday) He says he can't find anything else right now, and we're really hoping that the Army pulls through with a job he's been accepted for, but got beat out because of nepotism (if the other guy doesn't take the job Richie gets it though). SO... in the mean time, we both search for something better and hope for the best.

So please don't tell me that you all are saying I should quit my other two jobs, (yes I said two, which totals three... I train horses and give lessons on the weekends, and I take kids to school during the week, and I have my main job. )
My life is so f*&^@#! up right now I want to quit everything. Please don't tell me that the fact that I would do anything to give my son a quality, non-poverty stricken, messy health department coming by, healthy life is wrong. If you think so, tell me. If DH is a POS tell me. But I really hope that I AM doing the right thing here.

 

[agnes_day]

one thing...why doesnt your husband has 2 or 3 jobs? even a fast food job part time will help some.

 

[deb1]

Could you or your hubby join the military? I know that sounds drastic, but although the pay is low you do get benefits like housing and medical. Plus the military bases are very welcoming of families.

 

[JessHall]

Please forgive me, I am really gonna get it for this but I hate the military right now. They are the reason he gets turned down for jobs. And they lie to him... and paperwork never comes through... and it's been a real strain on our marriage. I support our troops and our country but this particular unit he's at really sucks.

 

[wombat]

OK, I'm confused here. Is your husband in the military, or not?

If he's on active duty, that's a full time job.

If he's in the reserves, it is not a full time job. In my day, reserve obligations were generally one weekend a month, plus two weeks per year (the weekend pay was double, so it was 4 days pay for 2 days of drill). Some people received extra duty time if the needs were there, and there was a budget for it. I had a cousin who was in the reserves but worked nearly 40 hours a week for her unit for years, but that is not typical. I don't know how reserve obligations may have changed due to wartime, though.

If he's on active duty, he's got a job. If he's in the reserves, maybe he needs to think about getting a full time job.

 

[JessHall]

He has a full time job paying $10/hr, pretty far away from home.
AND he is in the Reserves, who jacks them around so much, his one weekend this month started today and ends on Sunday.

 

[Hen_House_Rocks!]

Try spending a little one on one time with your son before you start on your chores. I know when my girls start acting up, it is simply because they want my attention. A half our outside riding bikes or playing a board game or even just coloring helps a lot.

 

[Carolina]

It looks like you are a very dedicated mother and are doing a wonderful job. There are some stages that are hard. You'll be proud of yourself when you look back on this.

Spending some time with your son first is great advice. Put this on your list of things to do and check it off so you're not anxious to "get it over with and get to work". Be relaxed and enjoy it and it will help both of you.

When your husband comes home, tell him that your son needs some rowdy boy time and let them get loud and rough for a while. My boys always needed that to relax.

You have a lot of sisters who understand!

 

[Wifezilla]

Seriously not trying to give you a hard time, but if you make more, then hubby stays home with the munchkin. That is what we did at one point. Hubby worked part time at night. I worked full time during the day. Other than an occasional 1/2 hour with a neighbor, one of us was home with our 2 boys (the youngest is developmentally disabled to boot).

I know it sucks to be poor. I have way more experience being poor than a person should have in a lifetime...BELIEVE ME!

But if you have to give up a big house and move in to a smaller one (mine is 1000 sq ft with 3 adults living in it. Our disabled son lives with us even though he is now 20), or make sure you have no car payments and drive clunkers (I have a 97 golf, hubby drives an early 90-something Ford Contour) that are mechanically sound but not very stylish...you do it.

Something is seriously wrong if you both are working so hard at the expense of your child and your sanity. You know he is suffering otherwise he wouldn't be acting out and you are obviously suffering too.

Are you familiar with Dave Ramsey? http://www.daveramsey.com/
While he does sell books & stuff, his radio show is free.

Also give careful analysis to how much income you are really getting from those extra jobs. Sometimes when you figure in day care, travel, equipment, time, etc... it ends up costing you to have that extra "income"
http://www.smartmoney.com/Personal-Finance/Taxes/Should-You-Go-Back-to-Work-9559/

You and your son deserve to enjoy this time in your lives together. It is time for some serious introspection and a priority evaluation. I really do wish you the best. Raising children is tough. It is even tougher if you are all stressed out.