Need help...***Update***I think I'm done guys!

[sweet tweets]

Ok, for what it is worth - kids act the worst with the person they feel safest with.
And, your house does not have to be perfect and if new DH does not understand, then give him the facts.
Also, don't coddle your son, mom has a tough road right now, but he has lots of people (grands and DH) taking good care of him. He pitches a fit in the store - leave the basket and the mess and take him out to the car for time out. You will be surprised - be brave, if you have top put him in his seat, and stand outside of the car so he cannot see your tears. Be matter of fact, when you ____ we will ___. or If you cannot _____ we will _____. AND the DO IT - he goes back to gma's house and you go back and finish your shopping.
His wrecking of your clean clothes was a signal, it is not ok, but what did he need right then? I think I would have grabbed him in the firmest hug and we would have sat on the floor together while the wash washed and the drier dried.

Best of luck, best wishes to you. You are doing nothing wrong, you have DH and grands to support you and all are looking out for Kade - and you!

 

[#1California Chick]

It seems like you have received some very heartfelt, encouraging messages in the last 24 hours!

It doesn't appear that these messages have come from "spring chickens"!! Speaking for myself, I am 60+. But I think that these posts have come from women who have "been there, done that" and SURVIVED!!!

I think that the suggestion that DH become a Home Daddy and get a part-time job while DS is in school is a good start. Nothing lasts forever! When the economy or opportunities change, then you might go a different direction.

Stay calm, take DEEP breaths (it is also good for your complexion!).

Take care of yourself!!! You can't afford to be ill at this time!! And you need lots of inner strength.

Take care!

We care about YOU!

Cindy

 

[Sissy]

Slow down and hug your men both of them
the little guy wants your attention so give it to him.
with postive feed back.
when he is acting up tell him how much you love him. and dont spank he is still a baby in my book.
you want to give him good attention so the towels
are a mess ,tell him you were thinking of doing the same thing
tossing them to the floor.that you were tired of folding .see his reaction when he knows your there for him, what ever he does.
you may have more time with Dh if the little one relaxes and you relax with him.
Dh needs a hug as often as you can. He will know
hes important too. This too shall pass.

 

[rainplace]

I'm going to quote Wifezilla's post because she said almost the same things I wanted to say.

Quote:
I also want to add that I applaud you for thinking into the future. Thinking about having enough in savings to cover mortgage payments is a solid financial plan, and in these economic times not very easy. If there is anyway to decrease your outgoing payments each month, you should do this. It is OKAY to drive clunkers. It is OKAY to buy from thriftstores, or not buy at all. It is OKAY to go without.

As someone who worked three jobs as part of a financial plan that hubby and I agreed to, I have some major regrets. Financially it has worked out for us, but the cost was time not spent with my children. My oldest son in particular has some major problems as an adult that could have been resolved in his childhood if I had had the time, energy, and foresight to deal with them as they came up. All the signs were there, I just didn't have the time. I failed him in so many ways.

If your husband expects you to keep a clean house, get all the meals done, and take care of the child when you are home, then yes, he is being a SOB and needs a serious wake-up call or you need to move on. If you do everything at home because you don't like the way he does them, then you need to take some deep breaths and let some things go so that he can do them his way.

You may also want to seek out a professional to speak with. Occasionally I seek someone out because I like to be able to just dump my crap out and have someone give me a reality check on what's important and what is just crap.

It's not easy, don't give up. It sounds like you are a very strong woman who is trying to make it work.

 

[Wifezilla]

I believe sometimes we try so hard to make certain things happen, we really try to force the issue, when it's not God's plan.

I don't believe in god but I agree that when we try to force things through our own fear and anxiety, it leads to disaster. Logic is ignored and things fall apart. Reality will not be ignored.

It may just be time for DH to be Mr. Mom. Nothing at all wrong with that. Since my husband and I have each taken turns being the bread winner and being the domestic deity, we tend not to ever take either role for granted. Some of the most successful marriages I have seen have had partners that have done this. Hubby and I are working on 23 years. Our friends (the one who was in the reserves and drove bus part time) have been married 21. He makes most of the money now, but he spent time as a single dad before he met his wife. He knows how houses become a disaster with one small child in a room and that fairies don't cook dinner and do laundry while you sleep.​

 

[JessHall]

Thanks guys...
Unfortunately DH can't work from home, we crunched the numbers last night. We can't get rid of our cars... we need them and the payments aren't that bad.... we can't move - it's a long drawn out story about my parents helping us get the house... there's a lot of things that can't change. And welfare and food stamps... can't do it. I actually make A LOT of money compared to most. We can afford our mortgage in a nice area, and we're going to have to make the rest work.

BUT... My son asked me this morning on the way to the sitter (which I'll only have for another month but I thank God for every day), "momma are you ok?" I put my sunglasses back on so he couldn't see the tear rolling down my cheek, took a deep breath, swallowed the huge lump in my throat and I said "Yea buddy, we're doing great! Daddy just left for an army thing for a few days and is gonna make good money! We have an entire day together tomorrow, then we're having aunt Susie's birthday party at our house... with cake

. We have a roof over our heads, we have food in the fridge, freezer and, still on the table from this morning

. we have nice clean clothes on our backs, and good shoes on our feet. We've got a full tank of gas and we've both got places to go... you play, me work, and we have lots of people who love us. So yea, I'm doing great, how bout you?" He said "great momma".

Any other time I'd say yea, pass the depression drugs, and anything else you can find, but I really think that I need the $ from the appointment and Rx, and I also think that I can get enough counseling from a friends and God. I am still breathing and after reading some other threads on here, I'm thankful for feeling pain and heartache, if I didn't that would mean I'm dead.

So... unfortunately Richie's layoff is not a blessing in desguise, but it is an end to a very annoying job. There were so many bad things about it. So thank you for all your help. I'm gonna do like Dory on Finding Nemo... "Just keep swimming"

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I really am thankful for all the love and kind thoughts and advice you've all offered...

Now... If only I could get this many responses to my other threads with good topics

Love you all and thanks again... Cheers to being alive!

 

[Krysstyllanthrox]

FYI, if he was chosen for the layoff because he is military the employer will be in LOTS of trouble. Investigate the reason why, and if anyone else got laid off. If anything is suspicious call on some of the military enforcement.

 

[JessHall]

I just thought it was funny that he tells his employer at the time of hire that I have an obligation to the Army, ONE WEEKEND A MONTH TWO WEEKS A YEAR. (And this months duty started on WEDNESDAY and ends SUNDAY) The very first day of his monthly Army duty he gets a phone call and he is the ONLY one laid off. (As a business owners daughter, I would question it in my mind, is this guy jacking me around or is he really going to army Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday? Or does he want the days off?)
Granted the business is splitting from what I hear and his job was kinda created for him by his brother in law, but it just seemed fishey... ESPECIALLY since they just took on three HUGE new accounts... that means more work.

 

[Luvin Life]

and

being sent to you. Hang in there.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

http://www.osc.gov/userra.htm

http://deploymentlink.osd.mil/pdfs/userra.pdf