Need help...***Update***I think I'm done guys!

[JessHall]

So, today is day I don't know, 5, of feeling pretty crappy about life... If you read my post about trying to be more positive... you may think what I do now....

Here's my day today:
I sucked it up and I dipped into savings to pay some bills even though today is payday and I didn't need to. I just thought that if I paid everything I needed to I'd feel better.
Ok, so then I get my check, and I went to the bank... BUMPER TO BUMPER traffic, and a huge detour. Ok I can handle this... as I take a deep breath. Its just traffic. I got to the bank and it was closed for some work! At this point I was already on the phone with my aunt, asking what she wanted for her 60th b-day dinner, after the shrill I let out.... she asked why I was so touchy... I spilled the beans about everything going on... she tells me to pray etc... then tells me that she just got a test result back and her potassium levels are so high she's in danger of having a heart attack and should go to the ER NOW!... So with my aunt on the phone, I meandered through detours on my way back to work. I tell her I love her get off the phone and go back into work.

(Keep in mind that I had just decided before Richie's layoff that I was quitting my weekend job at the barn ) I got a phone call from my best students dad...asking me if my boss had told me that his daughter, was now going to be riding with another instructor! WHAT!? noooooo my boss didn't say anything. I went to College and minored in Equestrian Science, Four YEARS of learning the tech. aspect of this and now... I get stuck with the untalented riders (which if they are dedicated and WANT to be there and learn I don't mind and love the challenge) and crap horses! I make GOOD riders out of them and they get taken away from me!!!!!!!!!???????????? All so that some other lady can take MY KIDS TO SHOWS AND GET THE GLORY!!! That's alright, I don't need it any way.

I am so much better than this... I am NOT a doormat. I finally made her into a good rider.... That's all I need to know. So then he said "um yeah he (my boss) mentioned that the way it worked is that I get the students ready and then Sharon (this other instructor) gets them. That's like one person doing the cleaning up of a huge mess, and letting someone else show everyone what they did! I WAS NEVER INFORMED OF THIS! SHE is why I worked so hard. She is my most dedicated student! So now what... are they not going to need me any more?! Am I working towards giving all my kids away? Here, let me teach you how to be a great rider so that you get taken away and eventually I have NO students!
Arrrghhh... I'll stop ranting now, but the bottom line is this... If any one who knows me reads this and has bad news for me, don't call me today... I don't care any more. The only thing I care about is Kade and myself. I don't care about the house, I don't care about anything. I have cried so hard my eyes aren't producing tears. This probably sounds like nothing to most people. What is wrong with me. I am so done though... It's not even funny... I give up.

I think someone has a voodoo doll and is really giving me hell. I swear, I got that phone call and herd people laughing! This has to be a joke or a dream.

Alright I'm done. Thanks all

 

[chickeypoo]

all, i can say is don't give up. life is hard sometimes. don't let things get ya down so much. your son and hubby is all that matters. the house can wait. you don't need to be perfect for everyone or everything.

and one other thing is good luck and many hugs.

Sue

 

[debilorrah]

Jess I am picturing you absolutely KILLING the keyboard with that post. Murder another one if it helps!!!!!

Want some good news? My pups did NOT knock me down coming in the house tonight. First time in a long time I have clean pants.

 

[sfw2]

Oh, Jess!! What a crap week!

 

[chickon baby]

Hello Jess,Did you get my email? I hope it helped.Been thinking about you and praying for you.Give your little boy lottsa hugs.His hugs and kisses will help.Good news!!! I got a egg today...yippee..yigh...yeah...My gilrs have been molting for sooo long,I had to ask then if they wanted to meet the colonel...you know KFC..lol...Guess it worked. Hugs to you.

 

[TennesseeTruly]

Jess, I just found your post and honestly just skimmed through alot of it. I don't remember reading how old your son is.

I'm raising a very difficult grandchild who has a myriad of psychiatric problems. There are days that I go to bed in tears because of some of the things we go through with him. But we're all he has in the whole world so we do all we can.

One example is that for the last two days, he told me that there were no eggs in the main coop, which didn't sound right. Collecting the eggs in that coop is his job. Well I found the eggs. Broken all over my property. He took them and threw them all over the place. I was absolutely furious but bit my tongue and immediately sent him to his room. He has now had this job taken away from him and its a job that he loves.

Why did he do it? Who knows. He just did.

If you ever want to talk, you can PM or email me. I may have some suggestions for you. Please make sure that no matter what, you take time for YOU.

Sending you many hugs.

Laurie

 

[miss_jayne]

i think you should read my latest blog entry.
here.

life is like this.

and it can get even more intense. way more. but give this a little read and sit with a little kleenex and chill for a few minutes.

 

[chickeypoo]

some days.. i get so angry with my one daughter. she lies.. and she's 6. she lies about everything. hitting my oldest DD, dumping water on cats, using her big sis's lotion, spraying air freshener, pushing the little one down, picking up kittens whose hair is falling out(ringworm).. that one was easy to find out.. now three or four of us(out of five) have ring worm... ugh. She's the middle child. i don't know what to do about the lying. my sis in law used to love taking her for the weekend. but i get the feeling that she didn't like it so much this last time. she was not listening, ignoring, and lying about everything. and i know how she feels exactly. and that kind of thing makes me feel like a bad mom.

i work 40 hours a week.. and then i come home and do dishes, laundry, cook, etc. while hubby goes online or does things he *wants* to do outside. nothing to do with chores.. which i get stuck with all the time. so.. ugh. i feel some of everyones pain i think.

some days i wanna pull my hair out. i just dont know what to do.

Sue

 

[babylady4]

I think this is what they call rock bottom.....

You have nowhere else to go but up.....

This too shall pass......

Please sit down and try to relax; find something enjoyable to do or watch... it is the simple things in life that are the cherished moments...... do something silly with your son like have a squirt gun fight (include the DH of course...) or make cookies together..... or play with playdough, or get 3 cans of whipping cream and have a whipped cream war........ something that will enable you have a good laugh so you are able to take a step back, gather your thoughts. You WILL get through this, you WILL be alright, you are stronger than you think!

 

[#1California Chick]

Quote:
I SO agree with Babylady4!!!

I also agree with her about doing something SILLY. The endorphins that you release when you laugh will make you feel better and sleep well tonight!

Take care of yourself!

Cindy