Need some prayers and some advice - PMs OK

[LisaJean]

READ THIS FIRST!
EDIT: Note the start of this thread dates back to 2008. Read all the way to the end for a happy ending.

END EDIT



Hi folks, I haven't been on in ages. Life sort of got away from me. I'm getting married this Saturday. I'd just like to ask those of you that pray to give me a thought tonight, and I'd also appreciate hearing from any of you who have been in a similar situation.

I'm not stressed about the marriage! :-D

But, we are both nearing 40, and we decided we want kids. So we tried for about five months. We got pregnant, and found out officially last week.

This morning I miscarried. As far as I know, it was my first. Even though the doctor said that many times a woman will miscarry and not even have known she was pregnant.

I mean, we were barely five weeks along, it was nothing. But I had gotten used to the idea that I was going to be a mommy. And those of our friends and family who knew about it were also excited for us.

We want to try again, of course. And even though I know that this happens sometimes, and that it always happens for a reason, there is a part of me so scared to even try again.

 

[lockedhearts]

I know how you feel. It is natural to feel loss over this. My hubby and I were HS sweethearts, split up and got back together some 20+ years later. Neither had kids and I almost immediately got pregnant, I was 5 1/2 months, cord prolapsed and I lost my son.
I blame the DR more than anything as when I went into the hospital my son was still alive. I had never been pregnant and looked to my DR for advice. His advice was wait and see.

Do not blame yourself for this in anyway. As horrible as this is, everything happens for a reason. You and your family will get through this and I bet you will have a child one day.

 

[Krysstyllanthrox]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Ok, that is a bit eerie. I miscarried last week at 5 weeks along also.

Some things I have learned:
~Do what you need when you need. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to break things, go buy some dishes from goodwill and smash the heck out of them.

~The physical stuff can take a while to clear up. I am still bleeding a little and still very tender in my abdomen.

~You have had a real loss. Grieve as you feel is best.

~Have a memorial if you feel you should. Hubs and I didn't want to plant a tree since we won't be in this house forever and I wouldn't want to leave the tree behind. I'm a knitter; so I bought some really nice yarn that 'spoke' to me and it will become a shawl that I can wrap around myself and remember my baby with.

~Be gentle with yourself. Mentally and physically you will not just bounce back. Most of the time I'm fine. Then that State Farm commercial with the new dad whispering to his baby comes on...and I fall apart.

~Anger is also totally normal.

~Some clueless people will say things that will hurt. Do what you need to to survive that. I get angry and cut them off mid-sentance now and tell them point blank that what they are saying is hurtful.

I'm journaling down everything that happend. I don't want to forget any of this, even though it is painful. I will be working on my shawl soon. Hubs and I are also, at the request of my doctor, taking a small break (about 2 months) from TTC so that my body can recover fully.

I'm more than willing to talk any time you need if. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions. Even if I can't answer them, I can probably say "me too!"

 

[LisaJean]

God, 5.5 months.... I can't imagine that. I'm so sorry.

The doctor told me that when it happens this early on, that it's almost always because there was a major problem at the chromosome level. He reassured me that it was nothing me or my fiancee had done, or neglected to do.

 

[lockedhearts]

Thanks, I dealt with it and I still miss him. You will grieve over this and you will heal and go on.
It is normal to feel the way you are feeling.
I agree, do a memorial if you want, plant a tree or whatever you need to so that you can deal with the loss.
Once you get married and life gets back to normal, I am sure nature will take it's course and all will be fine.

 

[cthrash1]

I am so sorry you have to go through all of this...I will say a special prayer for you tonight.
My niece was just told she miscarried at her 8 week check up because they couldn't find a heartbeat, and that she'll pass it soon. They asked if she wanted them to clean her out and she refused right now. She is hoping it was just a bad angle or something and didn't want to take a chance on losing it if it's actually alive.

 

[ninjapoodles]

I've been there, and just want to say I'm so sorry, and that I understand. :aww

 

[ChickaD]

Hi - just want to send some hugs :aww and say how sorry I am for this painful time for you...it really takes some time to be gentle with yourself and grieve. Sometimes men and women grieve and process it differently, and that needs to be OK for each of you. And it can really hurt when friends or family say the absolutely worst thing! Sounds like you're finding some effective ways of dealing with that.

I don't know if this will be any comfort, but my mom gave birth to a still-born baby, was told she couldn't have any more - and my younger brother and I am living proof the doc was wrong! Also, my MIL had several miscarriages, yet did have my husband (thank heavens!) and his sister.

So keep hope alive...........

 

[Fudgie]

I cannot say this has happened to me but it did to my Brother and Sister-in-law. It takes time to heal, don't feel bad for taking all the healing time you need. People can be cruel and you don't have to listen to them. Just do what you need to do! I agree things happen for a reason...just think if you and your fiance can make it through this, you can make it through anything! I know that sounds corny and sorry for that. I do realy feel for you both and your families.

God Bless! :aww

 

[keystonepaul]

We miscarried with our first pregnancy as well. She was in her mid 30's. We got pregnant again about 6-8 months later and have a wonderful 5 year old. I (and she) really had a hard time with the miscarriage. We talked about having a priest do a simple service to having a funeral to I don't know what. In the end we buried the positive pregnancy test strip in the backyard, prayed a little talked a little and hugged and loved a lot. Right? Wrong? Neither? who knows. She was scared to death when she got pregnant again, as was I, but, even though our bundle of joy was early everything went smoothly. God bless, Keystonepaul