I need to rant. Because I need to get out.
I do not want to go to college. I want a job. But I can't because 1) my mom has not let me drive worth beans and my dad is a truck driver so he's not home very often so I don't have my license even though I'm 18; 2) even if I did we only have 1 vehicle and it's pretty much done for; 3) even if I were to get a job and she'd drive me to it, she'd really complain about it -- probably so much that I'd wish I didn't have the job.
With 3 adult women in the house, I hate doing housework because someone will always be bothered by the way I've done something, or we'll argue about something. I have certain ways I like things done, my mom has her ways, and my sister has her ways. It's sometimes so hard...
On top of it all I don't feel the greatest today, so I spent much of it alone on here. (Yes, I know I spend quite a bit of my time on here. But I do things around the house in between other things, and most of the time I get on here in the evenings.) Well, I'm not the most communicative person in the world, and I didn't really feel like telling the whole household that I wasn't feeling up to par.
My mom's been stressing out over math programs for my younger siblings' schooling, because the one she has is not working. I have told her many times which programs I like and don't like, and which one I think she should get, but she keeps looking at more and more. So earlier around dinner she showed me this new program, and I liked it better than the others I've seen. It seemed to be a unanimous decision. But she had to go look at more. She mentioned it to me, and I said I'd look at it.
Well, she got all mad at me a while ago, and called me downstairs, so I came down and basically sat around doing nothing because that's what everyone else was doing and there wasn't anything else to do. It was bedtime, the kids were eating their snack, and that's it. Then she started her usual tirade of how "the chicken forum is your life" and "you don't do anything around here" and all that, and how all I was interested in was chicken breeds and didn't give a hoot about math programs. I was successfully holding myself in... I asked what the other math program was. And she ignored me. I repeated the question, but she still ignored me. My little sister said, "Mommy, aren't you going to answer her?" But at that my brother said, "She should ignore her! All she's interested in is stupid chicken stuff."
I lost it. And now here I am in my room, on here.
I want to get out! I need to be able to run my own place... If I had the chance I would! They all think I would never make it as a wife because I hate doing housework here. But they are so wrong! I know myself! I know I would make a good homemaker. But they won't give me any of the opportunities to prove it. My mom never seems to notice when I do something that she likes. She never gives any praise for anything -- I'm surprised I did so well on my SAT, because my mom never praised me for my schoolwork. I tried many times to nicely suggest she give some praise every once in a while, but it only happened once. And never any real gratitude for helping around the house on super busy days -- nothing more than a single little "thank you for helping" at the end of the day. I suppose I should be thankful for that at least... And then she hates me going to the evening church service which is geared toward college students and young adults -- I am the only young person in my church. My 2 friends who used to come are now out of country (Russia) and out of state (VA). With them gone, the one right before me doesn't come anymore and she is 22 and never bothered being friendly, and after me there is my brother's friend who is 12. Doesn't she see the lack of people my age? Doesn't she see my need to be around them? Around him? Doesn't she see my desperation when she tries to stop me from loving a man? Wasn't she ever in the same situation? Actually no she wasn't. She went to public school and married her highschool sweetheart. And she wonders why I feel the need to love someone.
Sorry guys. I just had to get this off my chest. Sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating with it all if I don't tell someone, whoever it may be.
I do not want to go to college. I want a job. But I can't because 1) my mom has not let me drive worth beans and my dad is a truck driver so he's not home very often so I don't have my license even though I'm 18; 2) even if I did we only have 1 vehicle and it's pretty much done for; 3) even if I were to get a job and she'd drive me to it, she'd really complain about it -- probably so much that I'd wish I didn't have the job.
With 3 adult women in the house, I hate doing housework because someone will always be bothered by the way I've done something, or we'll argue about something. I have certain ways I like things done, my mom has her ways, and my sister has her ways. It's sometimes so hard...
On top of it all I don't feel the greatest today, so I spent much of it alone on here. (Yes, I know I spend quite a bit of my time on here. But I do things around the house in between other things, and most of the time I get on here in the evenings.) Well, I'm not the most communicative person in the world, and I didn't really feel like telling the whole household that I wasn't feeling up to par.
My mom's been stressing out over math programs for my younger siblings' schooling, because the one she has is not working. I have told her many times which programs I like and don't like, and which one I think she should get, but she keeps looking at more and more. So earlier around dinner she showed me this new program, and I liked it better than the others I've seen. It seemed to be a unanimous decision. But she had to go look at more. She mentioned it to me, and I said I'd look at it.
Well, she got all mad at me a while ago, and called me downstairs, so I came down and basically sat around doing nothing because that's what everyone else was doing and there wasn't anything else to do. It was bedtime, the kids were eating their snack, and that's it. Then she started her usual tirade of how "the chicken forum is your life" and "you don't do anything around here" and all that, and how all I was interested in was chicken breeds and didn't give a hoot about math programs. I was successfully holding myself in... I asked what the other math program was. And she ignored me. I repeated the question, but she still ignored me. My little sister said, "Mommy, aren't you going to answer her?" But at that my brother said, "She should ignore her! All she's interested in is stupid chicken stuff."
I lost it. And now here I am in my room, on here.
I want to get out! I need to be able to run my own place... If I had the chance I would! They all think I would never make it as a wife because I hate doing housework here. But they are so wrong! I know myself! I know I would make a good homemaker. But they won't give me any of the opportunities to prove it. My mom never seems to notice when I do something that she likes. She never gives any praise for anything -- I'm surprised I did so well on my SAT, because my mom never praised me for my schoolwork. I tried many times to nicely suggest she give some praise every once in a while, but it only happened once. And never any real gratitude for helping around the house on super busy days -- nothing more than a single little "thank you for helping" at the end of the day. I suppose I should be thankful for that at least... And then she hates me going to the evening church service which is geared toward college students and young adults -- I am the only young person in my church. My 2 friends who used to come are now out of country (Russia) and out of state (VA). With them gone, the one right before me doesn't come anymore and she is 22 and never bothered being friendly, and after me there is my brother's friend who is 12. Doesn't she see the lack of people my age? Doesn't she see my need to be around them? Around him? Doesn't she see my desperation when she tries to stop me from loving a man? Wasn't she ever in the same situation? Actually no she wasn't. She went to public school and married her highschool sweetheart. And she wonders why I feel the need to love someone.
Sorry guys. I just had to get this off my chest. Sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating with it all if I don't tell someone, whoever it may be.
