Neighbors, what to do?

[ChickenLegs13]

Bobbi-j
I don't know why that part about "nipping it in the bud" wasn't included in my quote. I didn't leave it out to make you look bad or or to confuse our posts in any way. I have the attitude about nip it in the bud...money...cigarettes, rides, etc because my friends, family, and people I don't even know are always coming around wanting something.
I've been told over the years that I have a simple but unusual writing style and I see how my post could appear very offensive but trolling on a chicken board aint my gig. Thanks for your understanding.
Sorry for the confusion & if I offended anyone.
And now back to our regular scheduled program...

 

[heidisue]

I think you've made a lot of assumptions.... Talk to your neighbor, it sounds like she probably has ASKED the boy to take care of her dog. I wouldn't assume the mom just has him show up there all the time. As for her making conversation with you, how old is your child is a pretty common conversation starter. I doubt she was implying he is the same age as your son. And, as for calling to you - you didn't tell them no, you said yes sometime when you were home and you were home. And, neighbors sometimes say hi to each other. Honestly, I find the comment that you wee uncomfortable talking to the boy because your husband wasn't around strange.

Just be honest if you don't want them there tell them that.

 

[LadyCluck77]

I think you've made a lot of assumptions.... Talk to your neighbor, it sounds like she probably has ASKED the boy to take care of her dog. I wouldn't assume the mom just has him show up there all the time. As for her making conversation with you, how old is your child is a pretty common conversation starter. I doubt she was implying he is the same age as your son. And, as for calling to you - you didn't tell them no, you said yes sometime when you were home and you were home. And, neighbors sometimes say hi to each other. Honestly, I find the comment that you wee uncomfortable talking to the boy because your husband wasn't around strange.

Just be honest

if you don't want them there tell them that.

Well, what made me uncomfortable was the way he kept grabbing at me- he gripped my arm and was actually hurting me because he wanted my attention so badly, but I couldn't understand what he was saying- I'm sure it wasn't on purpose. He doesn't know any better. It just made me uncomfortable because he's about a foot taller, and much bigger than me. At that point I think the Mom might have said something to the boy, about not grabbing people, but she didn't.

I can explain a little about the earliest conversation we had - When the lady first came over to inquire about my son's age she actually did mention that she had approached my neighbor about the dog because she was looking for things to have her son do. She said she was hoping my son could play with hers, (my son's grandparents had given him a sandbox and play-set) but I told her at the time he was just barely learning to walk and I didn't think that they were physically at the point of being able to play together. Then she asked if we had a dog- and I told her "no". (We don't)
Then she asked what animals we do have, so I told her we had cats. (At the time we didn't have birds yet) She said her son doesn't like cats and that was pretty much where our conversation ended.

I really appreciate everyone's responses- I have a huge mix of feelings about this- between what I feel is morally right/kind and how I sometimes crave solitude- and I know that most people are way more social than I am- I just wondered if anyone had similar situations with kids/neighbors who REALLY wanted to visit their flocks- I have a lot to consider including letting go of my own fears about feeling physically and financially vulnerable, and at the same time taking basic precautions about property and setting boundaries as any person would.

Thank you to everyone for bringing up all those points-

 

[ChickenLegs13]

Now that we're better informed maybe some better advice can be presented.

Women's talk shows and self-defense classes stress for a woman to do what her gut tells her, listen to her instincts and if she feels uncomfortable in a situation then she should distance herself from that situation.
You have a responsibility to your toddler to protect him from others who may intentionally or inadvertently endanger or cause him harm. You have the same duty to your chickens as well.
If you choose to pursue a friendship with these neighbors set a few rules & boundries. For example, the teenager can visit on Sat when you're off and have time to supervise him. You're too tired & stressed out Mon-Fri from your job. Put his butt to work with some simple minor chores & responsibilites he can handle. Show him how to clean the coop & shovel chicken crap into the flower beds. You said he's a big strong boy so take him to the feed store and let him help load bags of feed in your car and have him unload & stack them in your barn. If you're worried about liability, and you should be, use common sense, don't turn him loose with an axe or chainsaw to trim your trees or allow him to use power tools. You get the idea. When you're in charge of him don't patronize or speak baby talk to him, treat him like any other teenager. If he gets out of line be prepared to firmly use the 2 "N" words, those being NO and NOW! and if he fails to comply then simply send him home and tell him he can come back next Sat if he learns how to behave.

You asked if anyone had similiar situations with others wanting to visit their flock. The answer is yes, I have. I have 2 teenage girls who are always bringing friends over, it never fails, they always want to hold a bitty or pet a chicken. So I go grab a couple of chickens from a pen and we sit around the picnic table and play with chickens. I teach them valuable life lessons like how to hypnotize a chicken or put a rooster to sleep. We'll have roosters sleeping on their backs with their legs straight up in the air, hens sitting on the ground staring a line drawn in the dirt in front of their beak, they crack up when I point a chicken at them and no matter how I move or turn the chicken his head stays in the same position. I had a pipping egg and let a girl hold it and a bitty hatched out in her hand. She really enjoyed that. My favorite thing is "You want to hold a bitty?? Go grab that yellow one standing by that little brown hen." I then LMAO as a snoty teenage girl runs screaming across the yard with a banty hen in hot pursuit squaking and flapping at her heels. Or, "So you want to pet a chicken, go pet the one in the middle nest box, she's a sweet chicken." I get all giggly inside because I know that's my Devil Hen and there's about to be an explosion of screaming red feathers and straw from the nest box. Then the girls go inside and get on FaceBook and never ask to mess with my chickens again. This works on adults as well.
Hope this helps.

 

[aart]

I think if you're uncomfortable with the situation, you should avoid it. Go with your gut.

The woman seems needy and it's understandable why, but that doesn't mean YOU should be the one to fulfill that need.
Some people are good with those types of situations ...and some people aren't.
There's nothing wrong with being someone who isn't willing/able to give that kind of attention, so don't feel guilty about saying no.

It sounds like she asks for what she wants, whether that's truly healthy behavior is not for anyone but her to decide.
But YOU can decide not to cater to her, or her sons, needs.


A friend of mine told my young son long ago, 'Never be afraid to ask for what you want or need, but ALWAYS be ready to gracefully take NO for an answer.'
I took a lesson in that myself, never be afraid to say NO when asked to do something you do not want, or are unable, to do.

Best of luck in rectifying the situation.

 

[oscar8]

Just say no, explanations just encourage drama, if he hasn't been trained well enough to not cause you pain I wouldn't want him within a country mile of my pets, let alone my small child! All that aside, you have the right to be in your own yard undisturbed and it does not make you selfish! As somebody pointed out before, this lady has crappy bounderies and it is best to be blunt when faced with that. Less "misunderstandings" .

 

[farnorth]

I would just tell them that your chickens aren't pets and will scratch and bite as they do not enjoy being held or petted.

As for this grown child playing with your much younger son....just say no way.

A special needs teen often will not know how to treat a much younger child. If he did not know not to grab you roughly then he may not know not to grab a young child roughly. I am not saying all special needs kids are dangerous....but some can be....and it often is not intentional but is just the nature of their disability that they do not have the proper judgement of their own strength or complete control of themselves emotionally or physically. I am sure you know all this, but some parents of special needs kids can be a little blind to their child's limitations.

And I know where the poster is coming from who said sometimes people do not have boundaries....you give them an inch and they take a mile. Have had situations like that where trying to be nice got me involved with someone who constantly needed to use my phone, rides to store, a couple bucks for cigarettes, borrowing tools. I didn't mind helping someone who could use some help....but after a while it often gets out of hand.

 

[4 the Birds]

They say: "A good fence creates good neighbors"

 

[cgmccary]

So a few houses from me down, a woman lives with her nearly teenage son with special needs.
I know how hard it must be for her to raise a child alone who has severe needs and she tries to find things for him to do.

She came over once while my son and I were playing in his sand box outside, and she wanted to know how old he was.

He is much, much, younger than her child, really still a baby.

The woman's son is in his early teens, I'd estimate. Well, he seems to like animals, so she has him go over to my next door neighbors house all the time to let the dog out and care for the dog. From what I've seen, he isn't always gentle with the dog, and unfortunately, they seem to constantly be at my neighbors house, kind of helping themselves to her space and belongings when they're over there. My neighbors house is pretty close to mine, so the woman has seen me several times.
Over the summer, whenever I tried to work in my garden, she would try to come over to my side too.

Well, about a week ago she was at my neighbors house and one of my hens ran under a bush in my garden and when I went to get her out the woman saw me, and came over with her son and he wanted very badly to pet my chickens.
I told them the truth, which was that my inlaws were visiting and I really needed to just get the bird back in her pen and go host my guests.
The boy kept grabbing at me, trying to talk to me, and I felt very uncomfortable because I was alone without my husband.
The woman said she wanted me to show the chickens to her son sometime, and I said as long as we are home at the time, and we went on our ways.

I was out tonight giving bread to my birds and I heard someone shout "helloooo!" At me, but it was dark, so I couldn't see who it was.

Sure enough, the lady is at my neighbors house now with her son, but I went inside because I needed to get my own son ready for bed.

I do feel for this lady and her son, but my hens are a sort of livelihood and they really aren't pets that kids can play with. Besides, I'm not sure they would be respectful of my property from how I've seen them treaty my neighbors house.

How is the polite way to keep neighbors in their own yards?
Any similar issues out there?

Simply politely tell the woman that your chickens are not pets, they are for eggs (or whatever their purpose) & that for biosecurity reasons, you don't want folks having contact with them or their space. Explain to her what biosecurity is because she probably won't understand that one.

 

[432bullet]

X2, Good fences make good neighbors.