No mother's day celebration here!!!

[KansasBoy]

Ya know just last week there was a mother arrested for leaving her kid in the bathtub alone to drown while playing on Facebook... I just don't get that!

 

[Dunkopf]

You sound like you have done everything right. Cosigning was bad but I just cosigned a lease for my College kid and I know it was unwise. Not doing so tells him I don't trust him though and I trust him very much. I just know how life is and there's more than just him in the factor.

At any rate you didn't write to get all our personal stories. You're going to take the hit on your credit and there's nothing you can do about it. I wouldn't leave my kids with her. If she is willing to cash some CD's to keep the house from going into mortgage then I would work with her. If not I would cut the financial ties and let the chips fall where they may. Salvage what you can from your your relationship. Don't trust the kids with her though. Don't throw good money after bad trying to pay her what you owe in one lump sum. If you owe her money just pay her a set amount with nominal interest or not. If you have assets you can liquidate to get the mortgage back on track it will just go behind again if you get it caught up. Do what you can to be sure the finance company can't get your assets if you have any. I would talk to an attorney. It would be worth the 100.00 or so. If you are in bad financial health yourself it may be a good time to do a BK. Sometimes you can have good credit and be drowning in debt. Sometimes it's better to get a clean start. Just saying. Some people treat a good credit rating like it's sacred and let their whole life go in the toilet to save it. Never cheat a friend or loved one. All others knew the risk when they started.

My mother had some problems with her meds and ended up in the hospital incoherent. We took it upon ourselves to look into her personal life and found she was behind on a number of bills. Her mortgage was paid and she has never borrowed money or asked for anything from us kids but our time. While she was recovering we talked her into letting my younger sister who lives with her in Ft Worth to pay all her bills for her and organize her meds and be sure she is ok every couple days. My sister is on her account and controls all that stuff. Hopefully it won't be an issue in the future but for now I feel safe about my Mom.

 

[Dunkopf]

Quote:
Those kind of things are so horrible, You want to wring the parents neck. Then you realize they have wrung their own neck already by letting their child die, which is probably the worst thing that can happen to a parent.

 

[schellie69]

I am sorry you going through this with your mom. I would wash my hands of the whole thing, pay back the money you owe your mom and then just let things be. I know people who play the victim all the time. I don't have time for people like that and no longer have any thing to do with them. I know your DD love grandma and don't understand what is going on but they be better off not seeing her since you can't be sure she won't tell them a bunch of stuff. I would spend Mothers day with your DH and DD's and just enjoy it. I am praying for you and hope you can a way to make it work for you and be a peace with your choice. Good luck.

 

[Lazy J Farms Feed & Hay]

Quote:
Don't let it go to foreclosure without first contacting your lawyer. In some state I believe co-signature results in a quasi partnership which you can force to dissolve with a court order.

 

[ams4776]

Im so sorry about everything going on.

. People who play the victim eventually lose. Do all you can to protect youraelfrtake care of your own. Doesnt sound like a safe place for the kids. Id just leave it be and personally wouldnt worry bout money you owe till she can give you the amount. Otherwise how do you know she isn't taking advantage? Good luck and much goodwill your way

 

[cackydoodledoo]

Thanks everyone for the sage advice and hugs. I have talked to a real estate lawyer and also talk to the credit counseling services next door to my work that deals with stuff similar to this. My house and my assets are safe and that makes me feel much better. I honestly thought of bankruptcy but we have quite a few vehicles of which several I could never part with and bankruptcy only lets you keep one or two. Along with other issues with it I have much more to lose than gain by doing bankruptcy. I honestly thought about using my tax money to pay the mortgage up but after a long discussion with my DH and sisters I decided against. Main reason being that I couldn't see using my tax money that I had set aside for bills to pay the mortgage to just have her default again in 4 or 5 months. I feel that if I try to save it I will put my family in financial jeopardy and I won't do that. My DH and girls come first no matter what. I honestly don't feel like I should pay her a dime more of the money I owe her after this but I know that paying it back is the right thing. I will say it will be a long time before I do pay it back as I plan on tallying up how much this all will cost me financially, emotionally and credit wise and adjust the balance accordingly.

I started reading the book "Toxic Parents" per my sister's advice as she read "Toxic In-Laws" and said it really helped alot. I am only a fifth of the way into the book and wow what an eye opener!!! I can't believe I have put up with this for so long and I see now how it has affected so many things in my life. I am resolving to not let it keep affecting me.

As far as watching my kids that's a tough one that I struggle with big time. I don't feel that they should be denied that relationship with her but I don't trust her either. My girls are 6 almost 7 but I think they are too young to really grasp the whole situation. They just know they love their grandma. I am trying to avoid this biting me in the butt later on down the road when they are older. I don't want them to resent me for what I did or for keeping them from grandma. Trust me I have wanted to say, "No you can't see grandma because she really hurt momma and momma is mad at her and doesn't trust her" but they won't fully understand and like I said I don't want them angry with me later on. I emailed her their soccer/tball schedules and she has come to their last two games. I have let them ride with her to the next field even though I didn't want to. How do you explain to them that they can't ride with gma especially when they are reduced to tears when you tell them no. They want to spend the night with her this Saturday and I have agreed. I think I will see how it goes and if I have any indication that she is bad mouthing me or otherwise then I put a stop to any further communication.

Again thanks for all the responses and suggestions and hugs!!

 

[deerman]

Sorry for what you are going thru...........Only thing I can say ...for all those having problem with their mothers........take this tme to try and patch thing up .........I lost my mother a few years back....one thing that eats at me are all those wrong thing I had said and done with her.


Mother hood is the hardest thing out there........more so when their children are grown........So Love your mother before you lose her...Sure miss mine Mother days never the same again...

 

[ChickenAlgebra]

Well, I usually get the surprises for Mother's Day being the Mom to 8 hoodlums, I mean delightful children.

But I'm trying to think when I last spoke to my biological donors. Erm. 15 years about. I'm better off that way. They can go be stupid losers from Hades on their own time. They did the best they could to ruin my sister's and my lives.

I wish I had any advice, but I have none other than

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
That book changed my life! Literally. In fact, in reference to my earlier post, it was when I read that book that I finally realized that my mother was not going to change, and that I had to look out for my well being. I can't recommend that book highly enough, it really and truly changed my entire perspective on the situation with my mother. I have it on my book shelf with a million pages marked with post-its. AMAZING book. I'm glad that you are reading it.