Not Coping

[BorderKelpie]

I hope you and your mum have a great time tonight.

Where in America is your sister? I'm in Texas and divorced. If she's close by, I have a good shoulder she can cry on if needed. I am also good for letting folks vent.

 

[FenDruadin]

Sounds like you've got it coming from many directions. And the drake situation probably resonates so deeply for you because of your feelings about your situation with your husband.

I hope you won't mind if I make a suggestion that has nothing to do with the ducks themselves. My suggestion is that you find a way to start learning to stand up for yourself. I find it difficult to stand up for myself too, and have been through quite a lot of therapy to get to a point where I can put my foot down and do what I need for my own sanity and happiness. No one can cope when they are completely powerless--being bullied by husband, bullied by drake, bullied even by some random guy who sells you a bird. The bullying has to stop, but the only way it will is when you are ready to make it stop. For me, I had to learn that I am *worth* protecting, that I am good and strong and that I deserve to be protected and stood up for AND that I have the strength to do it for myself.

If you'd like me to stop trying to be your shrink, lol, and stick with the topic at hand, then I will say this: Remove the drake and shut him in a pen by himself. Don't put any hens in with him. Tell the person who gave you the drake that he may either have the drake back or he can wait until you are ready to give him eggs. Ignore the drake's protests and apparent attempts to hurt himself. Remember that he is doing this to himself--it is not your problem if he gets hurt. Don't worry about what the guy who gave him to you will say--he can take the drake back if he doesn't like your methods. Frankly, I don't like *his* methods--I've had hens bullied to death before I knew what to do about it, so you are quite right to be concerned.

After a week or so of having the drake separate, introduce him to the hens again. I find that taking aggressive drakes down a notch or two often calms them enough that they can get along. If he continues his bullying behavior, you separate him again for a day, then back with the girls. Lather, rinse, repeat. I suspect that he is still grieving his lost partner and once he's had a chance to adjust and sees that he's not going to be permitted to bully the girls, then he will settle down and enjoy his good luck.

 

[Amiga]

ditto iamcuriositycat on all counts, Priss.

Separate the boy. Pad his "cell" if you want to reduce risk of injury. He must chill out.

Don't put Doog through this just because someone else says it's okay.

You know what is okay for her, and for yourself. That's the compass for you to navigate by.

Don't just distract yourself - it will hurt you and Doog more.

Others have told me that my runners will be just fine in sub-freezing weather. I stopped believing them based on my runners' behavior and my own instincts. I moved them into the walk-out basement. And you know what? We went from three eggs a day to seven to nine eggs a day in two weeks. We have ten runners. They looked pretty good a few weeks ago in spite of the cold. But now they look great! More energy, more chipper . . . Go with what you know is right!!

 

[Miss Lydia]

could it be that she wasn't submissive to him at first that he is trying to dominate her now. It's hard to watch my drakes go after my girls, once one of mine had part of her face bit off I just about lost it on that one. Now if they start getting to carried away I go out and knock the drake off. I could be wrong but they are so much bigger than the girls, Muscovies, that I feel I have to intervene, sorry your having to go through this right now, hopefully when your parents get there you'll feel much better and have a chance to get your mind off things.

 

[priss]

Thanks guys. You are all the best.
My sister is in California not Texas but that was a lovely offer thank you.
I am totally gonna start kicking ass! I do occasionally but I am now gonna make it the norm. My husband has already been told that the new due date for my second attempt at the thesis is January. He is by himself in Jan. Makes his own food, cleans the house and is not to come near me. Any plans he has made, he can carry out on his own. It is as if I do not exist in January!
I put Doog in the hut which has a run. She fell asleep straight away and looked really pleased to be in there. After about an hour maybe even two, she was calling to be let out. I let her out and Larry went straight for her and mated her in the pool. There was a chaotic hour and now, he is calm. He is even letting her sit on the side of the pool. Yaaaaaaaaaaaay. Doesn't mean I'm keeping him though! Because Rory and Mr Snoogles are still kicking his ass and it means I'm going to have to go through it all again with them right? I don't think I can, plus one calm afternoon does not mean it is all over for the Doog.
Larry has until the guy who gave him to us comes back. Unless there is peace by then, he is going home. He would be going home in three months anyway. One month is not a bad run. Husband said he is not going back. But if there is not peace, I am going to box him up and carry him back. I hike two miles everyday anyway, no reason why I can't do it with a duck!
2011 is gonna be ass kicking year!
xxxxx

 

[priss]

And Miss Lydia, you are right. The Doog is submissive to no one lol! She is my new role model!

 

[FenDruadin]

You're doing great! One calm afternoon means progress, and sometimes that's good enough. You're doing all the right things. Listen to your instincts, do what's right for you and yours, and keep kicking ass as necessary. Go you!