Parenting teens is HARD - rant! Update on pg.4

[hikerchick]

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that is because he is no longer 14 years old. He is almost a legal adult.

 

[Year of the Rooster]

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You almost sound like my mom with my older brother who is now 22. Like some other people have said, set boundaries. Due to my brother's immaturity, his life went down hill. A long, emotional story. Just becareful. Freedom is a privilege in this case..

 

[Davaroo]

Some might suggest, as I'm sure he would, that he is almost an adult. That don't cut it either. YOU are the source of his life and all things flow from you. If he is still living at home, mom doing his laundry and cooking his food and so on , then he hasn't learned how to dry behind his own ears. He doesn't know as much as thinks he does, nor does he recognize that you DO. This is the same whether he were 25 or 17. If he can muster no better action than to be "hanging out" and living at home, then he isn't fully ready to join the rest of the world.

On the other side, he does not want to stay close to home because he is primed by culture and biology to GO. It is the Human Charter to GO, so that they can DO something and BECOME someone. Instinctively, he knows he must go... even if he isn't quite ready. In essence he is conflicted - that's reality. It is in all of us.

What choices he makes now are the most important he will ever make. Nothing you can build, including a home or a life, is any better than it's foundation.

So keep praying and having courage. Keep driving your point home. At this point he isn't adept enough to make all the right choices on his own.

 

[hikerchick]

In my observation parents who think they can control their teen's every move wind up being parents of kids who do what they want and lie about it. I can't tell you how many years I was the only parent who knew where the kids really were because none of her friend's parents were in touch with reality long enough to have open communication with their own children. Yeah, it would be wonderful if we could control their every choice and make 100% sure that they never make mistakes. But when do they get a chance to make their own mistakes and grow up?

 

[Davaroo]

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When they leave. It's a harsh part of life that this only happens when they GO.

I have a good friend who sums it up this way...
"Young people, especially boys, have to leave if they are to BECOME anything. The more they hang around at home, the more they go backwards."
Having been one myself, and having raised a few, I can attest to the truth in this. All effort must be geared towards literally pushing them to that course of action. That we rarely start them soon enough on this path is the real problem.

Up 'til now, this thread has been about WHY he does what he does. Now we know.
Hereafter it should drive to the core of WHAT he must do next.

That is where the parent must hold that line, have their needs met (so the youngster learns responsibility towards others) ... and steer the young man to GO.

Until that happens, it is all "sturm und drang."

 

[hikerchick]

I think a 17 year old would be hard pressed to make his way in the world by himself. Throwing him out of the house seems like a harsh solution. However, I think treating him like a baby and trying to control his every move is only going to drive him further underground. He needs some freedom to be a normal teen so that when he IS finally out on his own he won't go crazy with all the new freedom.He will have learned how to handle it.

 

[poultryhaven]

Yeah i'm 15 and i'm barely ever home. I spent 2 weeks straight at my gf's house. I felt kind of bad for my parents but its summer and i want to have fun. I also went to he beach with her for 3 days so its normal for teens to not be home for a stretch of time.

 

[TammyTX]

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....for those two weeks, you were a runaway?

Fifteen is very VERY young. You won't know how young that is until you have a child that's 15 and then you'll sit back and wonder.

Just a gentle reminder Mr. 15 year old, there are a lot of bad things in this world and even though you know a lot, you don't know the half of it.

 

[poultryhaven]

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....for those two weeks, you were a runaway?

Fifteen is very VERY young. You won't know how young that is until you have a child that's 15 and then you'll sit back and wonder.

Just a gentle reminder Mr. 15 year old, there are a lot of bad things in this world and even though you know a lot, you don't know the half of it.

No my parents knew exactly where i was every hour and i checked in and let them know what is happening. I'm only fifteen and i know i dont know enough to even begin living on my own. I realize i know very little compared to my elders but its not like i disrespected my parents. They allowed me to

 

[Chickenmaven]

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When you indicate "gf", I am assuming a dating partner. I'm sorry, it is not my version of "normal" for a child your age to be living with their "gf". I hope you have a good head on your shoulders & are "careful".

I am alarmed at some posts that characterize drinking & sex as expected, acceptable behaviors.

I realize that some kids do & we have been very open with our kids about these matters. We have been open about birthcontrol & disease control & drinking. I will pick my son up anytime he calls, no questions. But I am not the mom who will be hosting the kegger at her place. I think of my friend L & her son. The son was just "being normal" & "letting his hair down" (or whatever). Ended up in a crash with a friend. The friend is fine today. L's son has been in a wheelchair for 8 years.