Parents How Do You Deal With Teenagers In Love?

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by deb1, Feb 20, 2009.

  1. deb1

    deb1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 26, 2008
    NC
    My son met a girl online. I was not happy about that. A person online could be a serial killer, or a sexual predator. I think that it was easier for him to meet a girl online because he has tourettes(He jerks and twitches)

    Some of you might have had experience with 18 year old boys in love. Their minds stop working. He was going to take his money out of the bank and get a bus ticket no matter how much we tried to talk him out of it.

    Because we didn't want my son in a potentially dangerous situation and he was going to leave anyway, my husband agreed to take him down to Georgia and meet her parents. My son and husband got a hotel.

    The parents struck my husband as odd, but the girl seemed nice. We agreed that she could come visit if she followed certain rules.

    My son, who until now, was unmotivated and driving me crazy with his lack of intiative, is taking a welding course so that he can get a better paying job. He has finally gotten his license also so that he can go on dates alone with her. And he is looking into apartments.

    At the same time, I would rather my son, who is actually smart, go to college and date a lot before he decides that he is suddenly in love.

    But I know that he has to make his own mistakes. He has never been the type of kid, sadly, who can simply be told he is doing something stupid. He has to experience it for himself. I have expressed my concerns but in the end, I have to let him go.

    Imagine my surprise when my son's girlfriend informed me that her mom said that I was controlling. Um...how? Apparently, I am keeping my son from quiting his welding coarse and moving down to Georgia so that he can be a skillless worker but live close to his girlfriend's family.

    I have told my son that he would be an idiot to move close to a family that seems highly dysfunctional and he agrees. But I can not stop a legally grown man from doing anything. It is ultimately his choice to continue with his coarse.

    Also according to the girlfriend her mother is concerned that I don't MAKE her daughter eat and that her daughter will somehow love me more then her.

    First, I have three younger children that I have to worry about. I don't have the time or inclination to MAKE a grown woman eat the food I offer. She can do whatever she wants in that regard. Second, considering that my son and his girlfriend are in the cocoon of love when they are together and only see one another, I am uncertain how she could love me more then her mom.

    Any of you with experience with teenage love? How the heck do you deal with a situation like this?

    My husband and I met and got engaged within four days! If my stepfather hadn't been against the relationship our love might have petered out. But we of course had to prove we were right and ended up being married twenty years, going on twenty-one. I love my hubby, but I don't want to push my son into a marriage to prove that he is in love.
     
  2. rebecca100

    rebecca100 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 1, 2008
    Arkansas
    SHeesh, it seems like you just may need to let them run their course for good or bad. My in-laws are very dysfunctional(being nice). But my husband and i have been very happily married almost 10 years now. I ran off on my 18th b-day to get married. No one could stop us in my mind. Here we are 3 kids and 10 years later.......Maybe it will all turn out all-right, my mom and mil didn't really like each other but we worked it out by not being to upset or serious about anything said. I would say don't worry about the other mom and act according to how you see fit. Remember it is the girl who matters in all this. If she is a good person who makes him happy then in-laws don't mean a thing! I know this from experience!
     
  3. Wifezilla

    Wifezilla Positively Ducky

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    Oct 2, 2008
    Colorado
    He has never been the type of kid, sadly, who can simply be told he is doing something stupid. He has to experience it for himself

    Are you SURE that isn't my son over at your place? [​IMG]

    Mine dated some real "winners" there for a while. Fortunately, he didn't marry any of them and he didn't get any of them pregnant. He is now 20 and in basic training for the army.​
     
  4. byrandom

    byrandom Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Sep 22, 2008
    Terrell, TX
    I met my girlfriend online. She was in Georgia (fancy that), and I was in TX. We have been together for 3 years and 5 months.


    In the Beginning:

    Her dad worked at Delta, she could fly down and see me any time she wanted. I worked at AirTran, I could fly over to see her anytime. I moved to GA after we had been together for about 10 months. Lived there for almost 2 years until I lost my job at a prominent law office in Atlanta. So we moved back to Texas, and couldn't be happier.

    I say.. Let him live and make his own mistakes. I moved from Texas to Georgia to get closer to my SO, for one, and to distance myself from my parents who micromanaged my entire life, for two. I'm not saying that is what you are doing, so please do not think that I am. I just believe that if he is smart, as you have said, he knows the risks. Let him make his own mistakes and let him deal with the consequences. However, you stated that you wanted him to go to college, date others before he settles down, etc.. You have to realize that that is your plans for his life. Not his own.

    But through it all -- as my parents did -- make sure that he knows that you love him and that you are always there for him.
     
  5. deb1

    deb1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 26, 2008
    NC
    Quote:Are you SURE that isn't my son over at your place? [​IMG]

    Mine dated some real "winners" there for a while. Fortunately, he didn't marry any of them and he didn't get any of them pregnant. He is now 20 and in basic training for the army.

    LOL. Yes, I am terrified that my son and his girlfriend will get pregnant before they can afford a child! Luckily, they both say that they want to wait ten years.
     
  6. cariboujaguar

    cariboujaguar Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Feb 14, 2009
    Mississippi
    Ha wait ten tears! I'm 8 yrs into my relationship w/ hubby (who my parents HATED and now adore) I got a 3 yr old here begging for a chocolate because she went poopoo like a big girl & I'm typing 1 handed because baby is nursing... All you can do is try to guilt trip your kid by being open/honest and almost begging lol

    maybe both kids would sign a 'abstinance contract' (I forget what they're called...) sometimes that will hold them to their morals...

    on an off topic, if your son has episodes of twitching, isn't welding dangerous?
     
  7. Guitartists

    Guitartists Resistance is futile

    Mar 21, 2008
    Michigan
    Sounds to me like you are doing about all you CAN do..... being safe and yet supportive of his rights to make his own choices. Sounds like it will most likely work itself out. Not much you can do about the headstrong [​IMG] My oldest is only 14... so I still have a lot to go through before I can truely relate... but it sounds like you have it as under control as I have ever heard [​IMG] and you just need to hang in there and continue to guide him... they may grow up... but they are ALWAYS your children [​IMG]
     
  8. Blackbird

    Blackbird Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 31, 2009
    MN
    If he leaves to get a place with her now, but doesn't have a job, he's going to be working his tail off trying to keep whatever they decide to own, and trying to feed themselves. No one can really completely happy in that situation. Other than continuing the relationship online and them occasionally seeing eachother, I have no idea what to suggest.
     
  9. Chicken Boo

    Chicken Boo Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jul 16, 2008
    Glenn Dale, MD
    You cannot stop him. The more you fight him, the more he will do the opposite of what you want and the greater the chance he will just cut you out of his life. What you can do is sit him down, give him your best advice (frankly but lovingly) then promise to leave him alone on the matter unless he asks. With a little luck, some of what you say will sink in through the hormonal fog before something happens that cannot be fixed.

    If he decides to move closer to her, give him a case of condoms so he has no excuses for not using one.
     
  10. deb1

    deb1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 26, 2008
    NC
    Quote:No, I am letting go, although it is difficult. I have to keep telling myself to keep my worries in my prayers and not to hold on too tightly.

    I think, though, that being a good parent means letting your kids make their own mistakes, even if it causes you secret fits of deep worry. The parent just has to let the young adult figure out their own way.

    Yeah, I did have to let go of the dream of my son finishing college. He had told me that he doesn't want a job that he has to sit on his bottom in front of a desk all day. He would rather work with his hands. Welding is a good career for his personality. He really enjoys his welding class.

    I think that he will be happier as a welder.
     

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