Parents of toddlers, a little sleep advice please

[ruby2727]

I've had the same issues over time with my younger son who just turned 4. I wish I could tell you I found a way to stop it permanently but periodically he goes back into the habit of getting up repeatedly. I just stick to the routine and keep putting him back every time. I don't lay down with him because I think that sort of makes the temptation for him to want to just play and talk with me.

My son does more of his acting out type behavior with me than with anyone else. I used to feel like maybe I am doing something wrong since everyone else tells me how perfect he is for them, but I've just decided he feels safer with me so he can act out. I try to be consistent (best I can), and just work with whatever he's going through.

One nice thing I've noticed with both of my boys is that whatever I'm obsessed about at the moment will likely pass one way or another, usually not due to my interventions. Good luck, I hope this works out for you soon!

 

[cassie]

This is something that worked for me. However it was not my kid. I was babysitting him for a couple weeks while his parents were out of town. I put him to bed, walked out of the room and he called me back. He needed a drink of water. Got that taken care of and then, once I left the room he wanted something else. So I tried another tactic. The next time he called I waited a full minutes before I responded. The next time I waited ten minutes before I went to check on him, then twenty and so on. I just let him howl between times. Eventually he got the hint and went to sleep. The next night started the same way only he gave up sooner. By the third or fourth night he just settled down and went to sleep without a fuss.

 

[Poupoulles]

This is something that worked for me. However it was not my kid. I was babysitting him for a couple weeks while his parents were out of town. I put him to bed, walked out of the room and he called me back. He needed a drink of water. Got that taken care of and then, once I left the room he wanted something else. So I tried another tactic. The next time he called I waited a full minutes before I responded. The next time I waited ten minutes before I went to check on him, then twenty and so on. I just let him howl between times. Eventually he got the hint and went to sleep. The next night started the same way only he gave up sooner. By the third or fourth night he just settled down and went to sleep without a fuss.

Ferber! It works for naps too!
it sounds like he is doing all these things with you because they work with you and don't work with anyone else. Maybe the sitters and dad established a long time ago that delay tactics dont work. So he doesnt try them. If you can turn all that off for you too then he will get the idea. I could never "fake" nap with DD, I would be out like a light in two seconds! Tired mama!!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Studies have shown that babies/young children whose needs (including emotional needs!) are responded to are much more stable and independent than those whose needs are not met. Leaving a child to cry itself to sleep is WRONG!!!!!

 

[cassie]

Studies have shown that babies/young children whose needs (including emotional needs!) are responded to are much more stable and independent than those whose needs are not met. Leaving a child to cry itself to sleep is WRONG!!!!!

It's also wrong for a parent to be a puppet on a string. Give the kid attention during the day, have a set bedtime routine, and stick to it. When you put him to bed and he howls, wait one full minute before responding. This time he may want a drink of water. Give him the water then go away. He may start howling again. Wait five minutes. This time he may want his special blankie. Take care of that problem. Then leave. If he starts howling again wait ten minutes, then 20 and so on. With this program, it only takes a few days before the kid figures out bedtime is for sleeping, and that while mommy is available, she is not his servant. If mommy keeps popping in immediately every time the kid howls, this may go on all night, and neither the kid nor his parents will get any sleep.

If the kid is older, and is afraid of the monsters under the bed or in the closet, you are not going to convince him the monsters are not there. He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are there and that they will appear as soon as mommy or daddy leaves the room. Give him some special powerful magic monster repellent. This consists of a spray bottle filled with water and scented with a little perfume or something. The monster juice gives the kid a sense of empowerment. He can now deal with the monsters himself.

 

[RHRanch]

It's also wrong for a parent to be a puppet on a string. Give the kid attention during the day, have a set bedtime routine, and stick to it. When you put him to bed and he howls, wait one full minute before responding. This time he may want a drink of water. Give him the water then go away. He may start howling again. Wait five minutes. This time he may want his special blankie. Take care of that problem. Then leave. If he starts howling again wait ten minutes, then 20 and so on. With this program, it only takes a few days before the kid figures out bedtime is for sleeping, and that while mommy is available, she is not his servant. If mommy keeps popping in immediately every time the kid howls, this may go on all night, and neither the kid nor his parents will get any sleep.

If the kid is older, and is afraid of the monsters under the bed or in the closet, you are not going to convince him the monsters are not there. He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are there and that they will appear as soon as mommy or daddy leaves the room. Give him some special powerful magic monster repellent. This consists of a spray bottle filled with water and scented with a little perfume or something. The monster juice gives the kid a sense of empowerment. He can now deal with the monsters himself.

This is good advice, as it gives the child a sense of mastery and control over his world. Mom coming every time he howls can keep him from developing autonomy and confidence.

 

[KristyHall]

Back 30 years ago, I used to just dare mine to wake me up at night, unless they were sick or hurt, or the house was on fire.

I was the worst at waking my mom as a kid.

One morning , after my mom pulled a double and had barely two hours of sleep, I stuck my head in her room and before i could say anything she said " If you're planning to wake me, you better be on fire" that is all she said. She didn't even raise her voice. It came out as a dangerous growl.

I shut the door and made my own bowl of cereal.

 

[Cheeky Chick]

Back 30 years ago, I used to just dare mine to wake me up at night, unless they were sick or hurt, or the house was on fire.

Yup. Never had any problems putting mine to bed. Brush teeth, say prayers, give kisses, go to bed, lights out. Do not call me, yell, talk, or sing. I don't want to hear another word after that door closes.
I started this by 6 months of age with all of them (I have 4 and the 3 boys share a room) they don't need to eat, drink or dance during the night. In bed, done, that's it. My older sons were instructed when my youngest moved in-unless the baby is vomiting or has a bad cough-pay no attention to him, and I certainly don't want to know you're awake. The little one slept through the first night.
If he's used to you coming in every time he makes a sound-he'll continue to do so. You need MOMMY TIME ALONE, and simply explain he needs to sleep at (his bedtime) and that you don't want to hear another peep out of his room. Follow through or he will know he's got you.
You deserve a child that goes to sleep-make it happen!

My kids also go to bed very early, even during school breaks. My two youngest-11 and 6 go to bed at 8, my 13 year old at 9. My 15 year old daughter can stay up to read or do homework, but no phone, computer or radio.

 

[Cheeky Chick]

Studies have shown that babies/young children whose needs (including emotional needs!) are responded to are much more stable and independent than those whose needs are not met. Leaving a child to cry itself to sleep is WRONG!!!!!

At night-children's emotional needs are sleeping to help their brains grow. Children that are catered to, and run their parents ragged first off, don't have fully emotionally heathy parents, and second, develop a sense of entitlement that they are not entitled to.
If a child needs a hug, they can have plenty during waking hours. Plenty. But my children know after lights out, they have had their love and hugs fro the day, and they sleep.

After my kids go to bed, I am in bed by 9:30 because I wake up at 4:30-5:00am. If I am running to cater to my child's every whim after bedtime, I am not going to be taking care of my home, my pets or anything in the morning. I'll be too tired. Children need to adjust to their environments, not the other way around.

My children are great students, and are extremely able and independent. My sons work with my husband around the house and yard, my daughter is going into her junior year at HS and has 2 jobs. She is also an AP student. I think she's fairly stable.

 

[ebwy2]

I would rather my child know if he's scared, I'll be there. If he feels ill, I'm there.
these things are more important to me than reading, or knitting, or doing whatever else I do when he's asleep.

He's put to bed, with a monitor. If he needs me, I'm there.
I do wait until he actually does need me, though, as he does resettle himself if it's just a random waking up.
There's plenty of time between times of being needed where I can do whatever else I wanted to do.

I would NEVER leave him to cry. There is a difference between crying and just grizzling at me though.

I take my cue from the other apes. Ever see a baby chimp left on it's own? Nope.