Parents of toddlers, a little sleep advice please

[Cheeky Chick]

I would rather my child know if he's scared, I'll be there. If he feels ill, I'm there.
these things are more important to me than reading, or knitting, or doing whatever else I do when he's asleep.

He's put to bed, with a monitor. If he needs me, I'm there.
I do wait until he actually does need me, though, as he does resettle himself if it's just a random waking up.
There's plenty of time between times of being needed where I can do whatever else I wanted to do.

I would NEVER leave him to cry. There is a difference between crying and just grizzling at me though.

I take my cue from the other apes. Ever see a baby chimp left on it's own? Nope.

If you never leave him to cry, he's working you. My one friend that ran every time her son cried in bed is now dealing with an 8 year old that thinks he's entitled to bug his parents any time he feels like it. Kids do not =small adults. Parents are given to children to teach them how to behave in the world. An 8 year old is NOT entitled to be treated as an adult. Call me old fashioned, but my children have my attention during the day. Once they feel entitled to me at night as well-there's a separation issue. Scared? If he has a nightmare, that is quite different from crying because he needs a drink of water at midnight, or wants a cuddle at 2am.

I run if there's a croupy cough or active vomiting. My kids rarely have nightmares. My room is right next door-I'd hear it. They know they can come into my bed if they have a nightmare-only one of my children has ever done this.

Baby chimps are far from human toddlers, and human mothers are far from apes. As soon as an ape has a job, other babies, and a household to run-let me know-they'll be my role models.

 

[HeatherLynn]

This is something I am still learning and I am on baby number 4. I have to give it a couple minutes. I am so quick to rush in to comfort and reassure that I really wake them up. Usually when I hear a cry or fussing it stops after a minute or two. In watching quietly from the doorway I found she would fuss, adjust what was bugging her and go right back to sleep. When I walked in and woke her up she got more upset ( because I just woke her) and took forever to calm back down and then didn't want to sleep.

Sleep is majorly important. Some might remember me talking about my daughter and her low weight issues. We finally have her sleep stuff straightened out again ( by me backing off). She gained 2 lbs since she has been sleeping better. We were fighting for ounces before and the doctor was driving us up the wall. She was so hyper she was getting hurt, too busy to eat, and what little she ate she burned off with all the running. Getting more sleep actually seems to have calmed her down a bit. She will actually sit at a table and do puzzles and color now. She is more focused ( much worse for her evil plots to stain mommy's carpet or repaint my walls).

I cannot remember what book I got it from, ( first time I used a mommy book ever) but we did a method that worked really well. We would go in the room but not say anything. If she was actually awake we would sit beside her but not ever say anything. You had to be totally quiet. You could hold or even just put a hand on their back or belly. It was hard being that quiet though. When they are calm then you walk out. Sometimes she would cry and we would come back and sit but never said a word. Eventually she gave up fighting it and slept. Each night got a bit easier.

 

[groydollar]

My daughter is 2 1/2 and at nap time we have a set routine of reading books, hugs and kisses and then we say goodbye and I close the door and walk out of the room. If she falls asleep that's good but lately she hasn't fallen asleep and that's okay too. We just make sure she stays in her room for at least and hour and has "quiet time". At night we have a bath, a movie ( only 20 mins), and then more books, hugs and kisses and out the door. I've had to change some diapers after saying goodnight, but other than that we leave the door closed and let her fall asleep no matter how long it takes.
I know it's frustrating, but I think sticking to a routine is the best thing to do. Sometimes it won't work, but stick to it, whatever it is. From a school teacher kids thrive on routine!

 

[ebwy2]

you do things the way you think is right for you, I'll raise mine the way I know to be right for us.
not every way suits every baby or every mother.

And I'm currently cuddling my 23 month old because he needs me right now. When he's asleep again I'll put him back in his bed.

But I disagree about humans being far from apes. Though if I elaborate this thread will end up being closed because it will come down to being an evolution debate yet again.

I run the house, don't have an external job due to other factors, and am 19 weeks pregnant with child #2. My son is happy, bright, and healthy - which is what every child should be, regardless of mothering styles.
The "let them cry" method wouldn't work for me because every instinct I have says to do otherwise.

 

[furbabymum]

My son recently threw his stuffed animal and bonked me in the head, then started laughing like a mad man. We've been sitting by his bed reading to him as he has seperation anxiety. Now though, he just thinks it's fun. I put him down and I leave the room. I can tell the difference between, "Let me out of here" cries and "I'm really upset" cries. I don't go in for anything less than really upset. A lot of people don't believe in letting kids cry. That's fine if you're one of them. I find that since we've been doing this he goes to bed much easier and with less fuss all around. He doesn't cry to be let out anymore. He'll talk to himself for a bit and then he's zonked out like the dead.

 

[Just reebok]

I'm on baby 4 - and had this problem with my second son. Here's what we did - and hopefully it will work for you. We got a kitchen timer and I explained to my son that he had to be in his room for "quiet" time for 10 minutes. We started off small. If he was loud, I started the timer over for that 10 minutes. He got the hang of it after 3 days.. so I then started to lengthen the time. By the 2nd week - I had his quiet time up to an hour. He could read books, sing quietly to his stuffed frog - but staying in bed and being quiet was part of the deal. He actually started falling asleep on his own after he got into the routine of having the quiet down time. Putting him in his room for quiet time with a book was the key. I did not call it nap time any more - but called it quiet time and I swear it worked. Now, NONE of mine have ever had a problem going to bed at night. I got lucky there.. but I follow a STRICT bedtime routine to this day - and my oldest is 7. They are in bed no later than 8 pm every night. They are allowed to take a book to bed - and 3 of my 4 all share a room. Every once in a while I'll hear a few minutes of chatter amongst themselves - but no playing or acting up. They fall asleep on their own, in their own beds, and are good sleepers. Unfortunately for my husband - they are also early risers like me - so they like to get up at 6:30 - but that's ok. I'll take the morning snuggle time with them any day.
The thing is - if you make a huge deal about it - so will he. He'll realize that it's a way to get mommy's attention - even if it's negative attention because Mom's mad - doesn't matter to them. All they know is that Mom is paying attention to them. I hope you get it sorted out. There never is one right answer to suit every child. You just have to keep trying until you find out what works. I wish you lots of patience and luck. You are NOT a bad Mommy - these little suckers can get us every time. Just think patiently - and creatively - and you'll get there.