Personal advice needed on marriage and finances

[hangin'witthepeeps]

BTW, some of these things come automatically out of my check I know the math doesn't add up.

 

[Jess N Jeff]

hangin'witthepeeps :

But what would be a fair compromise? It's hard coming up with "guesses". I know the regular stuff

250 House payment
130 lights
350 health insurance
25 life insurance
230 loan payment
40 vet bill and dentist (monthly until paid both are his bills)
400 approximately annually for taxes
75 cable
100 phone


What do I charge for food? Health expenses? Upkeep on home? It's all of these little things that are eating away at my money. The little inheritance I had is now gone. I have over the past 8 years, put a new motor in his truck, paid a lawyer for his citizenship application, paid a $3000 vet bill for when his horse had colic. He never has the money for these major things and I always find it, somewhere.

Its called 50/50 for a reason.
Add up ALL the bills. Keep recipts of what you pay for food or trips to the hardware store, anything and everything you pay for and add it all up. Then put it in front of his face and say that you need him to man up and help. He shouldn't have money to blow on himself if you(and the family) are drowning.​

 

[ranchhand]

Sounds like you have a roommate with privileges.

In our marriage there is only one pocket. Everything comes out of it. We talk about large expenses, but not the small stuff.

You paid for his lawyer for citizenship application? Where is he from? The cultural differences may be part of it.

 

[lockedhearts]

I agree that you both need to sit down and talk about this, is it an easy conversation to have, NO, it is necessary. You both need to know where the other stands on financial issues and expectations. Then, you decide together what works for you. I have been married a couple of times and it did not always work for us to have a joint account. In one marriage, we had a "household" account and we each had our own accounts. We split all mutual bills 50/50 and any bills we brought in to the marriage, we each paid (I had one credit card, he had child support)

My Last marriage, I had an account and so did he, he paid all the bills, I gave him X amount out of my paycheck (an amount he came up with)

This marriage and the last one I will ever have, we have one joint checking and a savings. I pay all the bills and right now I am unemployed. He really is not involved and as long as the bills get paid and he has money to get to work and a few $ in his pocket he is ok with it. Any "extra" I make from selling eggs, chickens etc. goes to buy feed.

The key here is communication, because not talking causes hard feelings.

 

[danielle82]

hangin'witthepeeps :

What do I charge for food? Health expenses? Upkeep on home? It's all of these little things that are eating away at my money. The little inheritance I had is now gone. I have over the past 8 years, put a new motor in his truck, paid a lawyer for his citizenship application, paid a $3000 vet bill for when his horse had colic. He never has the money for these major things and I always find it, somewhere.

I don't think a wife should "charge" her husband anything....A marriage is a joining together o two lives, not a landlord or parent over the other. If he is your equal, then you shouldn't be charging him at all, It should be "our money/our bills" IMO​

 

[Settin'_Pretty]

I don't agree with the your and mine thing either.

Sounds like to me you two don't communicate either, you are getting resentful about something he hasn't even been told about.
You admit that yourself

How could it be cheaper to live if you order him to leave?
better rethink that one, he does give you some money, what you ask of him, and I doubt he eats all that much.

in short.... TALK to him.

 

[slackwater]

If the house stayed in y our name, then I would offer to keep that payment. But I would split everything else equally. You both share the lights, health insurance, etc. He should be paying half of your regular living expenses.

 

[hangin'witthepeeps]

Sometimes I feel like "You just like to complain". I added it up and it comes to $400 a month for half of the regular bills. Gosh I hate being honest but I spend $150 a week in groceries. I feed my BIL and sister too. She does buy two weeks and I buy two. So that would be $300 for food and $17 for taxes. How much should he pay for upkeep of the house and I would love to include some of Tyler's clothes in there and school supplies. I pay $50 a month in a Flexible spending account so we use that for Dr copays and hospital copays and medicine. So $25 a month for that? So around $600 a month. The only thing is upkeep. What would be fair?

 

[Amyable]

hangin'witthepeeps :

BTW, some of these things come automatically out of my check I know the math doesn't add up.

I think to help keep things more fair, set up a joint account where both your incomes go. Then all the bills get paid out of that one account. If you each want spending money each month, agree on an amount and stick to it, no ifs, ands, or buts ($50/each, $100/each, whatever.)

A friend of mine has the same setup as you do now, and she feels resentful towards her DH because she feels she is responsible for more of the financial burden. It's much harder to equally delegate bills than to pay them out of one central account you both equally contribute to.​

 

[BlackBart]

hangin'witthepeeps :

But what would be a fair compromise? It's hard coming up with "guesses". I know the regular stuff

250 House payment
130 lights
350 health insurance
25 life insurance
230 loan payment
40 vet bill and dentist (monthly until paid both are his bills)
400 approximately annually for taxes
75 cable
100 phone


What do I charge for food? Health expenses? Upkeep on home? It's all of these little things that are eating away at my money. The little inheritance I had is now gone. I have over the past 8 years, put a new motor in his truck, paid a lawyer for his citizenship application, paid a $3000 vet bill for when his horse had colic. He never has the money for these major things and I always find it, somewhere.

It hasn't been fair to you so far.
Unfortunately he isn't taking things serioulsy and sounds like he is using you. He doesn't pay because he knows you will.
Even if you make a fair expense schedule, will he pay his share?​