Personal advice needed on marriage and finances

[hangin'witthepeeps]

Well, to make a very long story short as I can....

I have an 18 year old daughter (not by my husband) with mental disabilities.
We have a 7 year old son, together.
He has a horse.
I have a mule, dog and chickens

I make ~ 1,100 a month
I pay all the bills, house payment, light bill, loan payment, health insurance, life insurance, my auto and home insurance, food, vet care, child school expense, child Christmas expense, property taxes, up keep on the house, and health insurance co-payments (drugs, hospitalizations, etc)

He makes ~1200 a month (just started making this amount last September after I found him a job, he was without work for a year and a half in which I paid everything and he paid me nothing)
He pays dental insurance, his auto insurance, and me $400 a month.

I recently sold my Mule because I could not afford the hay and grain which my husband and I split the cost of. I had to get a loan this year as our air conditioner went out (got a new one) and then the septic tank needed repaired (drain lines replaced).

I feel used. I'm angry, but I don't know how to approach this with him. I think he should pay more. I think marriage is to help one another. I need help, I wish I had $600 or $800 a month in which I could blow and do whatever. I feel jealous of his financial freedom, I had to sell my Mule at a lower price than what she was worth. He has his horse priced so high he will never sell it. I fee sick to my stomach, I love him but I'm used up. He does not beat me or abuse me. He does his chores around the house and is an all around good guy. We just have this one problem, I created. I'm a wimp, I told him to just give me $100 a week when we first got together 8 years ago. He wasn't making much and I did want to take all of his money.

Something else to take into effect. It's my house, my property and my barn. Of course if I die, all my property would legally be his. What I'm trying to say is I had these things before we got married, except the barn which I paid for and we built together to house his horse.

What do I do? My sister says if he doesn't help financially more that I should ask him to leave. I would be better off without his financial burden. I'm not talking about divorce but just asking him to leave. I can't afford a divorce.

Thanks, Melissa

 

[australorpchick]

Why isn't he contributing to half of everything? Even if it was originally your house and your land, it's now both of yours. Either he can start paying half of everything or calculate what would be fair rent, as well as, renting a stable for his horse, plus overhead for potential needed repairs and start charging him that full amount.

 

[ChickenToes]

If you don't already have one, set up a joint checking account, JUST for household bills and expenses. Each of you contribute the same amount into the account every month, and the bills get paid from that account. If you still want your own account to keep some money back for yourself, go for it.

 

[EweSheep]

Have you talked to him about the finances and maybe you two can come up with a compromise.

 

[EweSheep]

Quote:
That is what my parents did and they have done well with it. Each one had their own account, and the joint account for their household expenses.

As for us, we have a joint account and our dd's checking account (SSI) that we put extra money in for whatever we would like to have such as new clothes, new toys, etc. If hubby wants something, he would ask me if it is ok or wants some spending money, he would run that by me and I will see what we would need or whatever. Communication is very important to both of us and we have done well without having to bicker or fight over money. Been together for 12 years and married for six years.

 

[Amyable]

Separating "your" money and "his" money is not a good idea. In marriage, it is "our" money. Make a budget with all the expenses and figure out exactly how much you need every month to make ends meet. If you can't pay all the bills with your combined income, prioritize them; food first, mortgage second, electric third, etc. If there is surplus at the end of the month, decide what to do with it. Either put it aside in your emergency fund, or spend it, but you must agree on what to do with it.

A good resource is Dave Ramsey; he has some great books and a website on finances.

 

[Jess N Jeff]

I'm confused....When you got married, doesn't everything become "ours"? Not "yours" or "mine"...."ours". I understand you had most of these things before you got married, but you are married now, both people need to step up and do whats best for the relationship and the family.

It should be 50/50 regardless. My fiance comes to the relationship with more money being made from his job then I do, but he also comes in with A LOT more debt then I do. Yes, I come in with a mortgage, but he lives in the house...so its half!!!!

Try doing what me and my fiance do...Our money is pulled together, bills are paid regardless of who they belong to. Every payday we each take out $100 or so for our own hobbies. That way the bill get paid but we still have something for personal wants or hobbies.

Good luck and

 

[hangin'witthepeeps]

But what would be a fair compromise? It's hard coming up with "guesses". I know the regular stuff

250 House payment
130 lights
350 health insurance
25 life insurance
230 loan payment
40 vet bill and dentist (monthly until paid both are his bills)
400 approximately annually for taxes
75 cable
100 phone


What do I charge for food? Health expenses? Upkeep on home? It's all of these little things that are eating away at my money. The little inheritance I had is now gone. I have over the past 8 years, put a new motor in his truck, paid a lawyer for his citizenship application, paid a $3000 vet bill for when his horse had colic. He never has the money for these major things and I always find it, somewhere.

 

[agnes_day]

tell him to step up and be a man and quit making his wife shoulder the burden!

also, stop paying for stuff for him..he is a man and as such, can take care of his own needs. he shouldnt be blowing his money and then sapping the life out of your account.

 

[scbatz33]

hangin'witthepeeps :

But what would be a fair compromise? It's hard coming up with "guesses". I know the regular stuff

250 House payment
130 lights
350 health insurance
25 life insurance
230 loan payment
40 vet bill and dentist (monthly until paid both are his bills)
400 approximately annually for taxes
75 cable
100 phone


What do I charge for food? Health expenses? Upkeep on home? It's all of these little things that are eating away at my money. The little inheritance I had is now gone. I have over the past 8 years, put a new motor in his truck, paid a lawyer for his citizenship application, paid a $3000 vet bill for when his horse had colic. He never has the money for these major things and I always find it, somewhere.

Add this all up split it in half and say pay your half or find somewhere else to live.​