Please help...My son is leaving for Europe for 2 years...

[Lisa202]

I need a major perspective overhaul.

He's 24 and got a scholarship to get his masters. All expenses paid. He'll be in Finland, Germany and the Amsterdam.

This is the first time he's leaving because he went to a local college. I know this is an opportunity of a lifetime and I couldn't be more proud, but this is killing me. He leaves this Saturday, Aug 30th, and for the last 2 to 3 weeks I have been a wreck. I can cry at the drop of a dime and every day it's getting worse. I almost lost it in the drug store the other day.

I've been able to maintain my composure so far, but it's getting harder and harder. I seriously do not know what I am going to do as it gets closer to this weekend and especially when we drop him off at the airport.

So, I'm asking for advice to make this not so hard on me. I need a different perspective..something that will make me not be so heartbroken. I keep reminding myself that we will be skyping, but that's not helping me.

Please help.

 

[3goodeggs]

I am close to my son. He is a great guy. And I am stealing myself for when he heads off to college.
I do not know how to help you through this.

I had parents that did not allow me to 'Go'
They became ever dependent on me. the more they demanded, the more shackled I became.. It started to destroy me. I will have been born, educated, married, reared my son, and died with in a sixty mile radius.
that is very depressing for me.

I can not stand to even think of my parents now. I gave and gave and gave, and they took and took until I had nothing left.
I will let my son go and live the life that I should have been allowed to live through his experiences.

Be brave so he can be brave.
All expense paid.. do you realize that others see him as a treasure as well? What a marvelous child you must have, what a great mom you must be.

let him fly, and he will come back to you.
Try not to make him feel that he is causing you an irreparable harm.
let him know he will be missed, but that you love him, you trust him, and you respect him enough to go live his life well.

Be brave, be strong. I will keep you in my thoughts. and let us know how you are doing. I will be going through the same pain soon myself.
Stay busy, stay active, start something new. That's my plan of action for myself.

 

[Ol Grey Mare]

I recently went through the "big separation" with my oldest - my daughter - whom I am very close to. The thing that got me through the goodbyes and the conversations we have had since without a breakdown is that I am reminding myself that I don't want to make this harder for her. When we were leaving after we had gotten all her stuff moved into her apartment it was time for the big goodbye - and that is when the brave face she had put on all day started to crack. Hugging her brother and DH was no biggy, but as soon as she reached for me the tears started - and as much as I wanted to cry too I knew if I did that it would only make her cry harder and I didn't want to put her in that sort of state and then have to walk away, I wanted her to be in a good frame of mind when we left. So, I sucked it up, I bit my lip, I hugged and held her until she was ready and we were able to part with a smile (even if her's was still a little teary eyed) and even a joke and a laugh. I also remind myself that I know the awesome young person I have raised - I know that she has got this. She is ready to do this, and I trust the person I have helped her grow into to be able to deal with everything she is going to encounter moving forward - she will be finishing her college education and then going to fulfill a commitment to the ARMY as an officer in their Vet Corps, and plans to make a career of that - so this is the beginning of years of separation for us -- when I think of all the awesome experiences my sweet girl will be able to enjoy and what an exciting life she is embarking on I can put aside my breaking mommy heart and embrace this with the support and excitement that she needs from me.

 

[Lisa202]

I am close to my son. He is a great guy. And I am stealing myself for when he heads off to college.
I do not know how to help you through this.

I had parents that did not allow me to 'Go'
They became ever dependent on me. the more they demanded, the more shackled I became.. It started to destroy me. I will have been born, educated, married, reared my son, and died with in a sixty mile radius.
that is very depressing for me.

I can not stand to even think of my parents now. I gave and gave and gave, and they took and took until I had nothing left.
I will let my son go and live the life that I should have been allowed to live through his experiences.

Be brave so he can be brave.
All expense paid.. do you realize that others see him as a treasure as well? What a marvelous child you must have, what a great mom you must be.

let him fly, and he will come back to you.
Try not to make him feel that he is causing you an irreparable harm.
let him know he will be missed, but that you love him, you trust him, and you respect him enough to go live his life well.

Be brave, be strong. I will keep you in my thoughts. and let us know how you are doing. I will be going through the same pain soon myself.
Stay busy, stay active, start something new. That's my plan of action for myself.

So far, he is none the wiser. I have been able to keep it all to myself for that exact reason. I don't want this to be a downer. I want him to be super excited and not be thinking that I am that sad. That's why I'm trying so hard not to be that way at the airport, but it's going to be very hard.

Thanks for all your kind words and encouragement...every thing helps.

 

[Lisa202]

I recently went through the "big separation" with my oldest - my daughter - whom I am very close to. The thing that got me through the goodbyes and the conversations we have had since without a breakdown is that I am reminding myself that I don't want to make this harder for her. When we were leaving after we had gotten all her stuff moved into her apartment it was time for the big goodbye - and that is when the brave face she had put on all day started to crack. Hugging her brother and DH was no biggy, but as soon as she reached for me the tears started - and as much as I wanted to cry too I knew if I did that it would only make her cry harder and I didn't want to put her in that sort of state and then have to walk away, I wanted her to be in a good frame of mind when we left. So, I sucked it up, I bit my lip, I hugged and held her until she was ready and we were able to part with a smile (even if her's was still a little teary eyed) and even a joke and a laugh. I also remind myself that I know the awesome young person I have raised - I know that she has got this. She is ready to do this, and I trust the person I have helped her grow into to be able to deal with everything she is going to encounter moving forward - she will be finishing her college education and then going to fulfill a commitment to the ARMY as an officer in their Vet Corps, and plans to make a career of that - so this is the beginning of years of separation for us -- when I think of all the awesome experiences my sweet girl will be able to enjoy and what an exciting life she is embarking on I can put aside my breaking mommy heart and embrace this with the support and excitement that she needs from me.

That's exactly what I am trying to focus on...this awesome experience he is going to have. I do have a joke to help lighten the mood if we get teary eyed, so that's a plan. I was hoping to wear my sunglasses, but unfortunately his flight is at 9:50pm, so that's out.

That's amazing what your daughter is going to do. I wish her all the best.

Thanks so much for replying.

 

[3goodeggs]

Hi,
Just wondering how you are doing. Everyday colleges are sending e-mails and packages of information for my son... Why is everything so far away?

Each day I am reminded that I will be in your shoes soon enough, so I think about you.
I hope it is getting better.

 

[Lisa202]

Thanks for replying..

We dropped him off at the airport last night. It was so hard to keep it together. I didnt want to make the experience sad. We hung out in the airport for quite a while since we got there early. We talked about how exciting this was and how lucky he was for this experience. We saw another mother crying and that didn't help me at all. I was maintaining throughout. But...when it came time to say goodbye I lost it. I just couldn't hold it together to the end. It was very sad and he was so concerned. I cried all the way home and have been on and off since. The last 3 weeks were like this, but I was able to hide it. If I see his toothpaste, it makes me miss him so much. When I don't see his towel hanging, it makes me miss him too, so keeping things in place or taking them away does not help. The realization that he is gone comes on so strong that I think I am going to go crazy...I just can't cry hard enough. I have never been this sad in my life. It has been the hardest thing I have had to do. Now I know what all mothers go through.

I think the fact that he is so far away and that I will probably not see him for 2 years is what is making this so hard and final. If he were at a normal college in the states, I just know this wouldn't be so hard. I also think that because he was my only one is making this so hard too.

I do know that this will pass and that I just need time. I feel better now then I did 5 hours ago, and I know that it will get better, but I also know that it's 2 steps forward and 1 step back for now.

Thanks for your concern and I hope you get through your time better than I've handled mine. I tend to have a bad outlook on some things, so that may make this especially hard on me and not on people with better, more positive perspectives...or I could be completely normal and have just joined the millions of other mothers that have gone through this same thing.

Lisa

 

[Ol Grey Mare]

So many {{{{hugs}}}}} headed your way - one mom to another! You will find your footing. Right now this is all fresh, new and is all a bunch of unknown -- in the days and weeks ahead it will become the known and you will find your footing, find ways to cope and find strength you didn't know you had. In the meantime, if you need a hug, a shoulder or someone to vent to - you've got it. I've BTDT with the goodbyes (granted, not the same as the mom/child part - most of my experience comes from saying goodbyes to my husband every time he deployed and I have found that it is different with my daughter than any of those were, but there are also some ways it is the same and the things I learned with those have helped me with my daughter growing up and moving out)

 

[islandgirl82]

Have you ever used Skype? My dad moved to Ireland when I was 15 and between visits, Skype was a great way to not feel so far apart.

 

[Lisa202]

So many {{{{hugs}}}}} headed your way - one mom to another! You will find your footing. Right now this is all fresh, new and is all a bunch of unknown -- in the days and weeks ahead it will become the known and you will find your footing, find ways to cope and find strength you didn't know you had. In the meantime, if you need a hug, a shoulder or someone to vent to - you've got it. I've BTDT with the goodbyes (granted, not the same as the mom/child part - most of my experience comes from saying goodbyes to my husband every time he deployed and I have found that it is different with my daughter than any of those were, but there are also some ways it is the same and the things I learned with those have helped me with my daughter growing up and moving out)

Thanks so much. He called today and I wanted to yank him through the phone. He said that it's a little hard being on his own. He had to go set up his room with sheets, blankets, curtains, food, etc. He seems to have a nice set up to live in, which makes me feel much better. He seemed a little quiet, but the first couple days is always the hardest part. He's waiting to get the internet which will allow us to communicate better (Facebook messages & skype), so I can't wait for that.

I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday, so I know this will get easier and easier. I couldn't go through this as many times as you have...but then, maybe it would get easier? I don't want to know.

Thanks for the hugs!!!!!