when you are judging, is it acceptable to take a bird our for inspection and then hand it to some unknown 12 year old to hold and pet when it is not their bird?
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If I understand the question a judge hande your bird to a 12 year old while he had it out of the cage to judge & you're upset about that. There is no rule that speaks to that situation specifically. If the child was clerking for the judge or had asked a particular question about the breed the judge might have been using it as a teachable moment. If the judge simply let the 12 year old hold the bird to pet it I'm not sure it was a good idea. I often let children [usually much younger than 12] pet a bird while I'm holding it but I don't pass the bird off for that purpose. Again, there's no rule forbidding it but I wouldn't have done it just to allow the bird to be petted.
However, unless some harm came to the bird as a result of this it doesn't sound like a big deal to me.
I think your proper response would be to ask the judge why he/she did so. As stated, it might have been a teachable moment. I would also raise the question to the show superintendent--let him/her know your concerns. All that stated, having a judge handling one of my birds and hand it over to someone else is not quite in the same league of concern as some random person wandering down the row of cages and taking out birds at whim.
One question I would ask is the size of the show, and whether it was APA/ABA sanctioned or not, and if not sanctioned, whether the judge was licensed. At smaller, unsanctioned shows with unlicensed judges, you are more likely to encounter that kind of problem than at a larger show with a licensed judge. In reality, no one except the judge and clerk and possibly a show official should even be in the aisle during judging.