Prayer for a Member - Lost her daughter Update Pg 16

[sfw2]

Lori,

I don't have the words to explain how I feel for you and your family. This thread has brought me to tears more than once. As a mom of teenaged girls, it scares me to even try to imagine your situation.

Keep doing what you're doing. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Elite Silkies]

Lori,

I don't know how you feel at all, and I wished that you were not going through this, but I think the rage is normal, and I think you should let it out. True friends will understand. Were all here, if you want to let it out, we will listen and understand, and do our best to comfort you.

I think sometimes people end up saying the wrong thing, because they really don't know what to say at all.

My heart breaks for you and my prayers are with you and your family.

 

[SuziQ991]

Just another thought. write your feeling down in a journal. This helps so much. You can write anything....your feelings, your anger, a letter to daughter. Anything that helps. You don't have to let anyone read it. I think it will help Cassie too. It gets all your feelings out.

 

[maplesky7]

I caught your story a while ago. I was having my own hurt so I didn't post...but I wanted to send a hug to you.

I felt hopeless at times especially in my teen years. I spent a month in the care-psych unit my sophomore year. My parents were bringing me to a psychologist but it didn't do anything much only because I didn't feel like they were listening...my parents... nothing changed. I don't know what I expected but I expected something that wasn't happening. They had my grandfather living in our home and to me that was a smack in the face because of what he did to me as a child and that he was a drunk. Feelings are sometimes so hard to "forgive and forget."
I come to a place where I think... ok, I've forgiven. And then something in life happens and I am so brought back to those negative feelings that I think, whoa...maybe I have not forgiven?
I don't know how or when exactly it came to me that hurting myself in anyway was not the answer or any kind of option but it came. Maybe when I started having more faith in God then I did in people? At any rate, things shifted. And through the muck and mire...there is something beautiful hidden underneath it all...it's just about finding it.

That's not to say once a person has faith that everything is right as rain because it's not...but for me, my faith has helped me carry on.

I have a friend who was in his late teens and came home to find his mother had hung herself. He was uneasy about ropes for a long time but now he moved to California and works on the Golden Gate and is a mountain climber and deals with ropes every day. He's in his 40's now and that event has certainly shaped his life. And he is an inspiration to me now because I'm going through things in my life that are very hard and he's been encouraging me and giving me hope and kind words. Some friends are truly a blessing.

My neighbor's husband hung himself in his garage one evening several years ago. At 4am we got a knock on the door to ask us if we had seen anything suspicious. We had not other than the kitchen light was usually on but it had not been for several days and I thought he had gone out of town. They were separated and for very good reason that only came out after this transpired.
After his funeral we, a bunch of ladies, ordered a pizza and talked on her couch. It was shared that another woman there who I had known of her children...her husband had gone out to the woods and hung himself as well. I couldn't grasp why a person with children would end their lives.

Before this a couple of years, I heard from a friend when I lived in the next state, that a highschool friend had taken pills at work...was rushed to the hospital and had her stomach pumped and then when no one was attending her, she hung herself with the sheets from the hospital bed. She too had small children and it wasn't her first attempt...she dealt with pain ever since I knew her but I never knew her torment. We always had a good time when we were together...she only lived houses up from mine.

It's hard to really know why...why...why? I have 2 other stories that I can think of off the top of my head. I don't think any one will truly understand "why?" It just was so. And even though you ache and want the world to stop spinning so you can grieve and then push the magic button to start it up again when your ready...unfortantely it doesn't stop and there is no magic button. The responsibilties one has today will be the same ones tomorrow.
And sometimes it just feels like that concept sucks.

I had a heart attack and 2 small children and the bills were getting neglected...they still keep coming...do they understand? A little bit... but the bills are still do even if the money isn't there. My girls still needed baths and to be fed... and while my mom came and lived with me a month... I still feel at times I need help. It just is so.
And the days roll by and there are days I feel stronger and like I can do it and then there are other days, I feel pain in my heart or other parts of my body and it scares me so much and I think...I'm scared Dear Lord...and there are so many thoughts flooding over me especially about my 2 daughters and I fear for their futures if I was not here. It's a special set of circumstances and I wish it weren't so. ...and there's always more to one's story and sometimes the sharing has to come later when the time is right. At least for me anyway.

...and I don't know why I shared all that I did other than it was on my mind and if I were to say what I got out of life and living so far...***it would be to hold on to hope and faith and forgiveness and carry on and keep living.***

I just got 33 peeps today and it's real nice. I hope you get what you and your daughter wanted very soon.

Prayers and hugs and a special kind of love,
Gretchen

 

[Robin'sBrood]

http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=2457367e2d53a9d0badd

 

[1stepcloser]

Saying how sorry I am for your loss sounds hollow but please know you and your family are in my prayers. I wish there was something I could do to lessen your pain.

 

[Zookeeper9000]

Quote:
Gretchen I say prayers for the BYC members everyday and I have a list of BYC members that I say extra prayers for. I am adding you and yours to my list. Deep Breaths and prayers work for me when I am over whelmed.

 

[Garden Gal]

Lori, as a mother who lost her only child three years ago (25 years old) I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hold you close... It is an unbearable pain, but you will bear it. Don't push yourself... it takes time, and then more time to learn how to live again.

Heart felt prayers are sent for you and Cassie.

 

[wegotchickens]

MapleSky, you've been in my thoughts and prayers often. I had read about your heart issues, even if I didn't post. We had a cardiac scare with my sis, so I know how scary that can be especially when you have little ones.

Garden Gal

I wish no one had to suffer the pain of losing a child.

I can't vent on the friend who keeps admiring my strength. She truly does mean it as a compliment. She's the kind of person who has to be medicated for the least little issue. She was in a panic a few days ago because her daughter tested as being pre-diabetic. She's perpetually a basket case and I know I AM strong in comparison. I'm just not feeling very strong, and it seems almost like an insult to my daughter's memory to appear that way. If that makes any sense at all...

Hubby set up the incubator last night. Will warm it up tomorrow since my lav d'Uccles are laying again. And therealsilkiechick had an assortment of silkies, showgirls and bantam Polish available this morning, to be shipped tomorrow. I snapped them up. They aren't exactly what Cassie wanted but I know they will be show quality and we can get them NOW. We need some Cassie-fuzzies ASAP.
Cjexotic has my order for Cassie's partridge silkies due to ship in Oct.

This will be a rough weekend. Cassie's dad's estate sale is today and tomorrow. Am keeping Cassie away from there, since we got the items most important to her & Kerry out months ago. Cassie was relieved she won't have to help, but stressed that strangers are getting his stuff. She'll go out to dinner with Nan Saturday after it's all over.

Kerry's friends want to come see me this weekend, too. They're all feeling emotional on this 1 month 'anniversary' as well. They wanted to come tonight, but I asked that they wait. I need tonight to be quiet for Cassie's and my sake. They'll visit on Sunday instead. I'm grateful they are wanting to stay in touch. It's hard to see them, but at the same time I miss seeing and hearing about them.
They're taking good care of each other, though, even the ones who used to not really like each other very much. It used to drive Kerry nuts that she couldn't get ALL her friends together at the same time due to personality conflicts. And now her loss is the string that's binding them together

 

[maplesky7]

I know what you mean.

After highschool 2 friends got in a fatal car crash and she survived but he didn't. It wasn't until a farmer drove by the field in the morning that they were spotted strewn out across the field.

Days, weeks, months...later his friends would still visit his mom. Like you she was still used to having the "gang" over and having other kids in her life and she didn't want that to end. I started going to church with her and her 2 youngest daughters until they moved to Colorado a couple of years down the line. It was Derek's favorite spot to ski...

I'm happy to hear that you all are getting together... I think it helps everyone with the grieving process.

I love you. Hugs and more hugs,
gretch