Pretty ticked off. Don't know if I should be?

[gritsar]

Quote:
Yep, right after my DH left their mom they both started bugging him to get their inheritences from their grandma, my DH's mom.
DD#2 said she wanted to buy a car and go to mechanics school. DD#1 said she wanted to go back to school after the baby was a few months old so she could get a good job.
The plan for the car was that my DH would co-sign and she would put the money in the bank, draw interest on it and have the car payments automatically withdrawn. This was so she could build up some credit. If you pay for a car outright it does nothing to improve your credit rating. Only problem was, about six months after she got the car she broke up with her live in BF. The car payments were still being auto. withdrawn, but she was also tapping the money to party so she wouldn't have to get a job. Then the money ran out. She's blaming everything on the ex BF. Last week she told me that HER dog ended up having puppies because HE didn't get the dog spayed in time.

DD#1 took the money she inherited and instead of going to school like she told her dad, she paid for tummy tuck surgery after the baby was born because she disliked having a little belly left. Her husband was making twice as much as my DH but they spent it as fast as he could make it and had absolutely no savings.
My DH has had a hard life. He's a hard working, deeply compassionate man. I'm trying to help him learn to start enjoying life for his self, instead of continuing to be used.
I'm like you. My kids learned early that there are no free rides in this life. If you want something, you work for it. That's how I was raised.

 

[saddina]

Yes, you should be upset, but no, not your kids so anything you say to them will instantly make you the "wicked step mother" (in the girls' minds at least). I'm going to say that they recieved the equivilent to my annual salary in cash, and blown it, so there's no reason to think this will change.

if it was me, I'd tell DH how much I know it upsets him to be seen as the fountain of money, and help him come up with what if any help you'd like to give (perhaps offer to watch the grandbaby while they interview, or some other non-money help?)

 

[TipsyDog]

You and DH need to start saving for your life, retirement, etc. I'm a big believer that I don't owe kids crap after 21 years old. 18 is OK too. I have friends (and a brother) who support grown (over 21) children at the expense of their own future! You can never help your kids if you don't put yourself first.

I sincerely hope you can bring the big picture to your DH so he can shed the guilt, say no, and work on his own future (and your) security and happiness.

I wish you both the best.

 

[PurpleChicken]

Gritsar, your DH is obviously a sweet and loving guy but by helping
people do the things they could have and should have done themselves
only makes situations like this worse. Once you say yes it becomes
impossible to say no. It's another form of enabling unacceptable
behavior.

Personally I think those kids are being selfish and self centered. Their Dad
has a new bride and a life to live. This kind of poop isn't fair to either
one of you and you are completely in the right to say "NO".

 

[TipsyDog]

One more comment (you can tell this topic touched a nerve)...

This whole $47K all spent and the dog had puppies, etc., etc., is a story I hear over and over. I've been a landlady for quite awhile and I've heard it all - it's always someone else's fault. The amount of stories these people come up with is incredible. I've also noticed these problems are affecting the 35 and under age group disproportionately. Hummm. What's up with that?

Luckily for me I'm not related to these people and I throw them out immediately. I'd rather not collect rent than listen to other people's problems as I've found these types ALWAYS try to make their problems YOURS.

Ok - rant off.

 

[saddina]

Agreed, someone gives me 47k, and the first 12k is paying off a year's lease. Then again I'm under 35 too. Got my tax return, spun around and paid off 3 months of everything, rent, gas, electricity, everything I could think of.

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
Yep, I continue to try and be a good listener for the girls and try to help out with the GS and such. I keep my remarks to my DH (and y'all

) and only if he asks for them. What amazes me is that my DH does ask for my opinion on things. My ex didn't give a flying monkey's butt what I thought.
I think the girls are starting to believe that Dad is all of a sudden no longer an enabler because of me, but they can think what they want. I want very much for him to start enjoying his life instead of feeling that he's obligated to continue to provide for freeloaders that don't lift a finger to help themselves.
Our retirement is secure. He's made provisions for that. I can no longer work due to disability, but I do have an income and I try to do everything possible to make his load easier.

 

[TipsyDog]

Quote:
OK Saddina - I didn't say ALL 35 & under

. You're on the right track and you'll do fine. You'll also attract that type of person to your life because you value $ and obviously understand the importance of it!

Good luck and WAY TO GO!!!

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
Yep, I continue to try and be a good listener for the girls and try to help out with the GS and such. I keep my remarks to my DH (and y'all

) and only if he asks for them. What amazes me is that my DH does ask for my opinion on things. My ex didn't give a flying monkey's butt what I thought.
I think the girls are starting to believe that Dad is all of a sudden no longer an enabler because of me, but they can think what they want. I want very much for him to start enjoying his life instead of feeling that he's obligated to continue to provide for freeloaders that don't lift a finger to help themselves.
Our retirement is secure. He's made provisions for that. I can no longer work due to disability, but I do have an income and I try to do everything possible to make his load easier.

 

[gritsar]

Opps, sorry for the double post. My internet is not playing nicely.