Processing Day Support Group ~ HELP us through the Emotions PLEASE!

[tjo804]

*Finally* did the deed today (for the first time). It was awful. I processed two roosters. They had to go because we live in a suburb and their noise was threatening the existence of our whole flock. The first was actually not so bad but the second one was just a nightmare. They were naked-neck chickens so had super tough, sun-hardened necks. I used the knife that came along with the killing cone I ordered on Amazon, which was not nearly sharp enough. The first one bled out pretty quick. The second one (my favorite) took time.

I gave them an exceptionally good life and wanted to give them a good death, and in that I failed miserably.

I'm still feeling kind of in shock about the whole experience. The one silver lining is that I just finished gutting them (also looks much easier on YouTube but went OK!) and the fat on those chickens was the most orangey yellow I've ever seen – the same color as our hens' egg yolks – and the liver was the shiniest, vibrant, most beautiful thing, too. These were *healthy* birds and as someone who eats meat 2-3 times a day, thanks to our local farmers, but without ever thinking of how hard it is to get that meat on my plate, I am so grateful to have had the chance to do this.

It's also got me reflecting on how fragile and temporary I am. I have all the same parts (well, except for a gizzard!) in my body: small & large intestine, gall bladder, liver, lungs, kidney, heart. And the difference between life and death is an instant (or in the case of my poor chickens, somewhat longer than that).

Next time, I'll try to find someone experienced to guide me in person. I want to be able to cull my own birds as I think it's an important skill when you keep layers. At the same time, I know there's a part of me that has to get just a little bit harder in order to have the decisiveness to cut into a living thing's neck and watch it bleed, and I'm not sure I want to.

This was helpful to me as I am still trying to emotionally prepare my family for me raising Meaties.

If I finally get my family prepared for this and it goes poorly I am sure they will not be happy with me.

 

[eve789]

On getting "harder"/emotionally distancing: I'm reading earlier parts of this thread and it's so helpful to know that for a lot of people, while they get better at it, it doesn't get easier. As in, there is always some emotion involved, and that it's OK. The last thing I'd ever want is to feel absolutely nothing at all.

I wish we weren't meat eaters, but we are. We were made that way. And as strange and awful as it is to take a life, it's even stranger that most meat-eating humans in rich countries will never have that experience.

 

[Coralietg]

On getting "harder"/emotionally distancing: I'm reading earlier parts of this thread and it's so helpful to know that for a lot of people, while they get better at it, it doesn't get easier. As in, there is always some emotion involved, and that it's OK. The last thing I'd ever want is to feel absolutely nothing at all.

I wish we weren't meat eaters, but we are. We were made that way. And as strange and awful as it is to take a life, it's even stranger that most meat-eating humans in rich countries will never have that experience.

I don't think anyone would like taking the life of another animal. I'm 5 weeks into meat chickens at the moment, and honestly I am dreading that part. It's definitely OK to have emotion. I think being heartless over the killing it just as bad as the end commercially produced broilers have. You are processing your animals, and appreciated what they are giving your family.

Speaking purely out of ignorance, my time is coming. You did a great job.

 

[fisherlady]

Quote: You will be fine, review the processes listed at the beginning of the thread and choose which you want to go with... being prepared is half the battle.

On getting "harder"/emotionally distancing: I'm reading earlier parts of this thread and it's so helpful to know that for a lot of people, while they get better at it, it doesn't get easier. As in, there is always some emotion involved, and that it's OK. The last thing I'd ever want is to feel absolutely nothing at all.

I wish we weren't meat eaters, but we are. We were made that way. And as strange and awful as it is to take a life, it's even stranger that most meat-eating humans in rich countries will never have that experience.

eve, you did fine! It is very difficult to 'do the deed' the first time... it does just seem so strange to spend so much time and effort and care raising them, and then end their life.... but you said something very right. You gave them a good life.

It doesn't get 'easier' emotionally, especially when it is a bird you are more attached to, but the physical act itself does actually get to be simpler. The emotional part I have pretty much worked out by understanding the bird had a great life and will be dispatched humanely. I just don't like it when it is a bird who was particularly friendly or we have had for a long time, but it is a necessity... if you have animals you need to know how to dispatch them humanely.
It takes some time to realize the right pressure needed, and technique. The 'hesitation' will go away as you become more confident. If you go back to the start of the thread there is much discussion on methods, feelings and results. It would take hours to retype all of the knowledge shared by so many different folks.

 

[jajeanpierre]

*Finally* did the deed today (for the first time). It was awful. I processed two roosters. They had to go because we live in a suburb and their noise was threatening the existence of our whole flock. The first was actually not so bad but the second one was just a nightmare. They were naked-neck chickens so had super tough, sun-hardened necks. I used the knife that came along with the killing cone I ordered on Amazon, which was not nearly sharp enough. The first one bled out pretty quick. The second one (my favorite) took time.

I gave them an exceptionally good life and wanted to give them a good death, and in that I failed miserably.

I'm still feeling kind of in shock about the whole experience. The one silver lining is that I just finished gutting them (also looks much easier on YouTube but went OK!) and the fat on those chickens was the most orangey yellow I've ever seen – the same color as our hens' egg yolks – and the liver was the shiniest, vibrant, most beautiful thing, too. These were *healthy* birds and as someone who eats meat 2-3 times a day, thanks to our local farmers, but without ever thinking of how hard it is to get that meat on my plate, I am so grateful to have had the chance to do this.

It's also got me reflecting on how fragile and temporary I am. I have all the same parts (well, except for a gizzard!) in my body: small & large intestine, gall bladder, liver, lungs, kidney, heart. And the difference between life and death is an instant (or in the case of my poor chickens, somewhat longer than that).

Next time, I'll try to find someone experienced to guide me in person. I want to be able to cull my own birds as I think it's an important skill when you keep layers. At the same time, I know there's a part of me that has to get just a little bit harder in order to have the decisiveness to cut into a living thing's neck and watch it bleed, and I'm not sure I want to.

I think sometimes the problem is that we inexperienced people don't cut deep enough to reach the carotid artery, only getting the jugular vein. The jugluar vein is closer to the surface and leads away from the brain to the heart, so the heart continues to pump a lot of blood to the brain as it bleeds out. I really think if you get both carotid arteries, the animal dies, or at least loses consciousness very quickly since it is not getting any oxygenated blood to its brain and must experience a significant drop in blood pressure in its head.. If you only cut one side (and that's all I've ever done), the artery on the other side is still pumping blood to the brain. Those are some of my thoughts, after not being particularly happy with how I've managed to process my birds. I won't say they suffered, but I think it took longer than it should even when I cut one carotid artery.

Does everyone else do one cut or two?

 

[LindaB220]

*Finally* did the deed today (for the first time). It was awful. I processed two roosters. They had to go because we live in a suburb and their noise was threatening the existence of our whole flock. The first was actually not so bad but the second one was just a nightmare. They were naked-neck chickens so had super tough, sun-hardened necks. I used the knife that came along with the killing cone I ordered on Amazon, which was not nearly sharp enough. The first one bled out pretty quick. The second one (my favorite) took time.

I gave them an exceptionally good life and wanted to give them a good death, and in that I failed miserably.

I'm still feeling kind of in shock about the whole experience. The one silver lining is that I just finished gutting them (also looks much easier on YouTube but went OK!) and the fat on those chickens was the most orangey yellow I've ever seen – the same color as our hens' egg yolks – and the liver was the shiniest, vibrant, most beautiful thing, too. These were *healthy* birds and as someone who eats meat 2-3 times a day, thanks to our local farmers, but without ever thinking of how hard it is to get that meat on my plate, I am so grateful to have had the chance to do this.

It's also got me reflecting on how fragile and temporary I am. I have all the same parts (well, except for a gizzard!) in my body: small & large intestine, gall bladder, liver, lungs, kidney, heart. And the difference between life and death is an instant (or in the case of my poor chickens, somewhat longer than that).

Next time, I'll try to find someone experienced to guide me in person. I want to be able to cull my own birds as I think it's an important skill when you keep layers. At the same time, I know there's a part of me that has to get just a little bit harder in order to have the decisiveness to cut into a living thing's neck and watch it bleed, and I'm not sure I want to.

Good Job at raising a healthy happy rooster. Yes it was tough but first time is a learning time. I've learned so much on BYC that I'm kind of looking forward to doing it right this time. Gook luck to you. Keep on keeping on.

 

[Tomtommom]

I think it happens to everyone on their first try.. we're nervous, worried we do it wrong, and end up making it take longer than wanted. Sadly, part of the process.. Kind of like nurses drawing blood.. the first few times they are gonna mess up too and have to try again.

It gets better. Not "easier", killing is never easy.. but it gets better. Faster.

 

[Cluckysnap123]

look, I'm vegan, but I helped a neighbor out emotionally and my suggestion was to love them and do the deed in a way that won't make you feel guilty. I don't raise my chickens for meat, but who says I can't help? So good luck anyways.

 

[fisherlady]

look, I'm vegan, but I helped a neighbor out emotionally and my suggestion was to love them and do the deed in a way that won't make you feel guilty. I don't raise my chickens for meat, but who says I can't help? So good luck anyways.

I'm glad you were able to help out your neighbor... sometimes what people think of as small actions mean a great deal to another!

 

[eve789]

Thanks everyone for your support and your feedback. The emotional support helps a lot! It's helpful to hear about others having similar experiences (the emotional ambivalence, messing up the first time, that it gets easier but is never easy).

It is so hard to reconcile my deep empathy for animals with my understanding that I need to eat meat to sustain good health. Having had this experience, while I can't say I'm at all eager to do it again, I have a much deeper sense of respect and gratitude for the animals I eat. I've been responsible for the deaths of thousands of animals over the course of my life, but never thought twice about the implications of what was on my plate. Now I know!

And yes – my cuts were definitely too shallow and while bad first cuts were hesitation, even when I tried going much deeper it was impossible – my knife was just crap. Any tips on ensuring a knife is super sharp? Maybe a test cut on a piece of meat in the fridge? I think I did get the jugular on the first bird with the second cut, which is why it was easier. But you're right, I don't think I hit it with the second bird, and it was awful.