*Finally* did the deed today (for the first time). It was awful. I processed two roosters. They had to go because we live in a suburb and their noise was threatening the existence of our whole flock. The first was actually not so bad but the second one was just a nightmare. They were naked-neck chickens so had super tough, sun-hardened necks. I used the knife that came along with the killing cone I ordered on Amazon, which was not nearly sharp enough. The first one bled out pretty quick. The second one (my favorite) took time.
I gave them an exceptionally good life and wanted to give them a good death, and in that I failed miserably.
I'm still feeling kind of in shock about the whole experience. The one silver lining is that I just finished gutting them (also looks much easier on YouTube but went OK!) and the fat on those chickens was the most orangey yellow I've ever seen – the same color as our hens' egg yolks – and the liver was the shiniest, vibrant, most beautiful thing, too. These were *healthy* birds and as someone who eats meat 2-3 times a day, thanks to our local farmers, but without ever thinking of how hard it is to get that meat on my plate, I am so grateful to have had the chance to do this.
It's also got me reflecting on how fragile and temporary I am. I have all the same parts (well, except for a gizzard!) in my body: small & large intestine, gall bladder, liver, lungs, kidney, heart. And the difference between life and death is an instant (or in the case of my poor chickens, somewhat longer than that).
Next time, I'll try to find someone experienced to guide me in person. I want to be able to cull my own birds as I think it's an important skill when you keep layers. At the same time, I know there's a part of me that has to get just a little bit harder in order to have the decisiveness to cut into a living thing's neck and watch it bleed, and I'm not sure I want to.
This was helpful to me as I am still trying to emotionally prepare my family for me raising Meaties.
If I finally get my family prepared for this and it goes poorly I am sure they will not be happy with me.