Rambling rant-how do you survive parenthood to a teenager?

[Msbear]

My brother pulled the same thing his senior year. ...went from straight A's to F's and quit going to school (he drove himself) My parents got the call, just like you did. And pushed super hard to find the route of the problem. It got to the point where they couldn't get him out of bed and depression kicked in. He never graduated but did get his GED. He's now 29 years old and still a waiter at Outback Steakhouse.

He was a genius. He memorized every statistic of every decent baseball player and foot ball player. He was a math wiz and scored the highest on his ASVAB test?? the one for the Navy that the recruiter had seen. He wound up not being able to go into the Navy because he didn't graduate and I think this was the master plan

You NEED to talk with his friends. There is a deeper issue going on here. I didn't read the other responses and Im hoping someone has already mentioned it. He may be getting picked on in school or have a fear of graduation and "real life" He needs to see a counselor... I would find a young man who is easy to talk with whom your son may find it easy to open up to. Good luck and it's wonderful you are so involved. Keep it up!

 

[Chicken Salad]

After ONE meeting with the school folks I took my teens out and homeschooled them (and I was a full-time single mom). Have you actually sat in on classes in schools these days?

and that's all I'm saying about that because my soapbox is in the shop....

 

[curliet]

Mom, remember too that in the state of Mi the law says that as long as he is under 16 it is your responsibility to make sure he is in class every day (or at least a minimum of days each year). As your responsibility, if he isn't there, you can actually be legally taken to court. I had these problems years ago with my oldest daughter and your son is reading her script to a t. We drove her to school and then watched her walk out the other door. She had been a great student the year before, but had developed a friendship with a girl who was in a special program for slow learners. She found out that having attendance or behavior problems could get you into that program, where she could spend more time with her friend. The school didn't notify us either, it was a letterfrom our county saying that I was in danger of going to jail that alerted us. When I went to school to talk to them about it they were already putting through the process to enter her into the special program. I told them "No way, she is blackmailing us into letting her do what she wants!" and they said "As the school system in charge of her education, we have more legal rights over her right now than you do, and we can do what we think is best." I checked into it and they were right. They put her in the special program, she stayed there til she was 16 and then dropped out of school. I asked why she dropped out when she had been put where she wanted to be and her answer was "It was boring there." Please don't allow that school to take control, if you have to, get him into a charter or private school.

ETA....BTW, our daughter got bored after awhile at home too, helping with housework was NOT her goal, LOL. We had issues about her wanting to lay around and watch tv, so we had to do a tough love type of thing and tell her to leave. It was hard and heartbreaking, but it got through to her. She did decide to go to get her GED. Now as an adult she admits that what she did affected her life in ways she couldn't imagine as a teen, and even with a GED getting a job has always been hard for her. In this economy it's almost impossible. Her attitude has changed as she's grown, and she's a great daughter, now she has a 16 yr old son. Holy Crap!

 

[2468Chickensrgr8]

When my son turned 13 my mother looked into my eyes and said this is what I have been waiting for....my grandson to become a teenager....sweet revenge !!!

My son is almost 15 ...he went out with his "first" girlfriend....for 8 months.....more like a good friendship....but over the holidays when we were headed to Quebec we stopped at a mall to get him some jeans ....cannot shop at Walmart !!!.....that would be a look like my head fell off....and when we were standing in line to pay his girlfriend texted messaged him and told him "I think we should be friends".....OMG ! I'll never forget that moment...LUCKILY we had talked about all this and how it happens etc. But talk about a kick in the stomach....He's fine ...there good friends...I am kind of upset because she's a honour roll student and she was making him study more....

I feel your pain...I also feel the school should have notified you sooner...My sons highschool sends a computerized message for anything...late...missed a detention,,,parent meeting....skipped a class...absent.....etc etc....and you can submitt numerious phone numbers...work your cell home...grama's place...and then you have to contact the school or write a note for them to get back in...exspecially for the ones that have been red flagged...

 

[Msbear]

The day any school says they have more rights to my child than I do is the day they will be homeschooled or transferred.

 

[Mom 2em All]

Quote:
I caught him once- he and his friend, when I left for work, they were at the corner- and took off running into the woods when they saw my van approaching.
stupid boy.
Had he continued walking with his back to me, I wouldn't have paid any attention- after all, i dropped him off at school- and I wouldn't have glanced that direction. But once they started running, I looked.

I reported him to the school- and in fact, I have had three meetings with the counselor. I have caught my son a total of once, and twice he just wouldn't get up and go. I told the counselor I needed help- that he was too big to throw over my shoulder and carry to school. Mind you, I am talking about THREE days. Found out it was a total of 35 days missed. I asked the counselor- enroll him in something, help me help him- if we intervene now, he will not be a statistic.
Nothing was done.
When I caught him running into the woods- I went to the school. I was on my way there anyhow- because my son had forgotten his history book, and I was going to drop it off on my way to work. I told them he was skipping. They suspended him for two days. I told them that was giving him what he wanted anyhow- could they make him do something else? Fine, school policy is suspension- could they also make him clean the walls, the lockers, the toilets, anything? Punish him, not just reward him with two days off??? They were, actually, quite rude to me, and told me no.

Because he is so hateful to his sisters, and me- I tried counseling, he wouldn't go. Too big for me to carry. I wanted the doctor to put him on Prozac or something similar- he wouldn't go.

He is extremely popular- and I don't believe he is depressed. He uses school now, as a girl- pick up joint, so to speak. you should see the girls!!!! He shows up, they flock to him!!!! Put him in his football uniform, and well,,,, Mr Popularity look out! He is terrible, i wouldn't want my daughter to date someone like him- he knows all the lines, etc.

He doesn't really go anywhere- he stays home. He basically goes to work out, trains for football, sits at home, on the computer, or plays a video game. He rarely ever goes out- of course, this was before, when I thought he was going to school. Now he won't be going anywhere at all. But he never really did.

He couldnt have intercepted any phone calls- because the number the school has is to my cellphone. And that is always in my pocket- even when I am at work- because of my epileptic daughter, I have to be reached.

 

[gumpsgirl]

I have personally found that this teenage thing can be quite challenging most days and am frequently in tears over mine. Not that they are bad kids, just the "MOUTH" that seems to run amuck each and every day is driving me CRAZY!

I don't have advice for you as to what to do. I homeschool and learning isn't an option here. I can control it better, meaning that I know first hand if they are skipping classes/lessons. All I can do is offer you sympathy and support.

I do want to share my all time favorite saying with you. Here it is:

Parents of teenagers know why animals eat their young!

I think about that saying often and it just makes me laugh! Hang in there!

 

[Msbear]

maybe have a family friend come over to the house and have a talk with him...or talk with a proffesional counselor that could aim you in the right direction. There are community outreach programs ....just look around... search online. I believe something is up. Something has changed his point of view. Maybe he's stressed about life after high school. If her was a happy go lucky kid, he'd be out with his friends or having friends over... and he'd be at school where all his friends are.

 

[HennysMom]

Well that puts a different spin on things reading your second posting (I still stand behind my first post...) however - if as you say, there is nothing "up" that you can think of - just your son not wanting to follow rules:

1. he refuses to go to school and stay there - telling you basically you cant do anything about it?

Watch how fast I can pick up a phone and call the police to MAKE you go to school kid - Truancy Law....then off to Juvie.

2. Juvie has "Scared Straight" programs - and as a parent, you can request your child be put into one for 24 hours. It is legal and can be done. BEST Programs EVER!!

3. Report that school immediately and the coach. Why is your son still allowed on the football team if he isnt attending school?

4. Child of mine or no - if my kid is being that disrespectful to me - they'd be out the door and into a "Foster Care" situation (its another program like Scared Straight - see if your state has it - not regular Foster Care...but...something very similar like Boot Camp).

5. Here in VA - there is a law that states a parent CAN take their child in front of a court and demand that certain things be setforth for said child - its called a "Child In Need of Supervision" If the child refuses, they pay the penalty and price. If the parent doesnt comply - they too must pay the price of not doing as the court orders.

Question is - how far are you willing to go???

Sounds to me like Junior needs a swift mindful lesson of who pays the bills and who is in charge - and that he IS A MINOR living under MY ROOF - no exceptions, no excuses. Tough love is hard.

 

[mom'sfolly]

I agree with Henny.

I think there is some underlying issue going on. You need to identify it.

You need to hold the school accountable. Be the squeeky wheel. They let 7 weeks go by without notifying you.

Take the computer, cell phone, video games and cable away, even if you have to turn them off. He wasn't home reading a book!!! Everyone else in the house will suffer, make them aware of why this is going on. Find out what websites he is going to, you need to know.

Take his to a counselor, let him know why you are doing this. There is a reason he believes ditching school is better than going, find out what it is.

Take a deep breath, remember they grow up, and most of them turn out fine.

Good Luck!