Rambling rant-how do you survive parenthood to a teenager?

[Mom 2em All]

Let me preface this by saying I love my children- and I am thankful to be blessed with them in my life, my care, and am glad that the powers that be think I can handle the job...

Okay 'nuff about that.
I discovered that my brilliant son, age 15 and 3/4 years old, has missed 35 days of school this semester- and has straight E's. This is the same child that I wake up for school every day- even on days I don't have to work, and I drive him to school every single day and I give him $5 dollars a day for lunch. A child who has proven that he can be a straight A student.

I had to have a meeting with the vice principal and the counselor and the athletic director, son included- and his reason for skipping almost every single day since September? "I don't know". Where has he been when he skips? Home. My husband and I both work days. I drop him off, he walked into the school, walked out the other door. He then walked home every single day. He has to repeat every class. In order to graduate on time, he will need to pick up one more class somewhere in addition to his regular classes. The obvious option will be homeschooling for that one class because summer school is over 300 dollars per class. He won't be home schooled by me. I cant even get him to go to school, much less home school him. I will pay my coworker, who is also a substitute teacher, to home school him.

Needless to say, he will not be attending drivers training. I threatened to take a family medical leave from my work and walk him to each class and sit outside the classroom door every single day for next semester.

He has been watched very carefully to see that he attends his classes every day this week- and today, when it is negative seven degrees, are the semester finals. Today and tomorrow. So, the child tells me- "I don't see the point in me going to school today. Its stupid, there is no point- I'm not going." I told him the final exam will be PRACTICE for him so he will know what to expect when he REPEATS the class next semester. I tell him, "the point is- you will go to school for two days, then you have three days off. Better than working in the real world. I have ONE day off. The point is, people who quit school do not live under my roof. AND it is too cold outside for him to be homeless. The point is, 'I said SO.'

He threw a full blown teenage tantrum; yelling, door slamming, throwing objects in his room tantrum...and then put on shorts. I don't care if he wears shorts. Dumb kid- if they have a fire drill or he tries to skip, his legs will freeze and he will suffer. I won't suffer.

So, I took him to school- and the last words he said to me?
"This is stupid- there is no point." And he slammed the van door.

 

[BayCityBabe]

You are doing all the right things. Hang in there. Continue to be strict with your kid.
I think this thread might take a turn in the direction of: "Is your child depressed?" He could be...
HOWEVER, my reaction to this is raging indignation at a school district that let this problem get so very out of hand!

No one at that school thought to call you? No letter sent? What a load of crap. Please consider taking this issue to higher levels. Isn't the district required - by law - to report truancy? They dropped the ball. The cost of summer school should be waved by the district. THEY allowed this to take place.

 

[MissPrissy]

You don't want to know what I would do.

 

[Mom 2em All]

Quote:
I said the exact same thing at the school meeting. In absolute no way am I trying to take the blame off my son. He did wrong, he knew it was wrong, and he will take whatever comes his way by his actions. ABSOLUTELY- I want everyone to know that I am not trying to place the blame somewhere else. That said-
If I had received a phone call from ONE teacher that said, "Hey your kid has only been coming to class one day a week for six, ten, fifteen, weeks- whats up?" I could have stopped this before it was too late. If the coach of the football team would have called me and said, "HEY your kid isn't going to school. I am going to drop him from the team"- I would have been made aware. As it is, my kid played in every football game, and he went to weight training after school almost every day.
Every teacher also has my email address. They requested it at the beginning of the year.

 

[sara]

boarding school?

 

[the1much]

send him to my house for 2 weeks,,,, i bet when he comes back he'll be the perfect son hehehe

 

[SoccerMomof7]

I took my step son out for a year and I am homeschooling him now I found a great program through K12.com but believe I count the days until he can go back to public school. He was fighting in school everyday. His reasoning was because they were making fun of him. Oh well get over it. You know how many people make fun of me and assume things about me because I am a 25 yr old with 7 kids??? I have flat out been told nasty thing about girls like me with 7 kids, little do most know that 4 I didn't give birth to and had no part in conception. Okay anyways I fight with him to do his work someday and others he seemed to really struggle even when he wanted to do it. Ryan was diagnosed with ADHD and not on meds for about 2 months and doing great. He has already caught up the year he was behind and now we are working on current grade level so he can go back to school on grade level. I would really look into that or depression. I know teenagers are impossible to live with but it is hard being a teenager especially if you feel like you don't fit.

Another thing I thought I would add....my ex husband had the same problem with skipping and his mom went to class with him for 2 days, sat behind him, raised her hand asked questions and everyone knew why she was there. He really didn't skip after that.

I have my own kid issues. I went to conferences and found out that my daughter went from A's & B's to F's because either she didn't do the work or she failed test that they could use their books to look up the answers! Some days I just want to scream.

Edited: I am not trying to say that he is depressed, but my doctor suggested that we put my teenager on a lite dose of anti depressant while they went through puberty, they say it helps them deal with the hormone overload!

 

[Rte.66_chicks]

It is very surprising that he was allowed to play football when he was absent so much and was failing. I thought that "No pass, no play" was pretty universal.

Here in AZ, notifying parents when kids are absent is required by law, on the day they are absent.

 

[Mom 2em All]

Quote:
No, really I do, MissPrissy..

My thirteen year old daughter has a hearing impairment and has to wear a hearing device to each class. Spelling and reading are really difficult for her- because she tends to speak, and spell, the way she hears. I have never ever ever let her disability stop her from being what she wanted to be. She has been a cheerleader for eight years. She wanted to be, and I signed her up. I told her coaches- send home the cheers- so I can make sure she gets the words right- and she is not only a cheerleader, but she is a very good one. And she has played the flute for two years. Practice for that one was fun here at home.

But now she does very well. Her grades? Straight A's. In all her classes.

My ten year old has epilepsy, and ADHD- cant take meds for the ADHD because they cause her seizures to be worse. She basically learned nothing in two years, third and fourth grade- because it was easier for the teachers to stick her in the back of the room and forget about her. I struggled to teach her, to help her with homework, and still- they took every recess and school perk away from her every day. I fought the school, the school board, and I went straight to the top to the top deputy dog of the Special Services for Children with Disabilities- and it paid off. She is doing better this year than she has her entire school life.

My son? Anger issues and a problem with women in authority. Not diagnosed, just my observation as his parent. Basically a lazy kid who wont do a thing I say. Always learned very easily, always got straight As, then he went to highschool- and became very popular, and a football player. And then began his downward spiral.

 

[wegotchickens]

You all are not alone.
Been going through the same thing with my oldest. What we thought was depression turned out to be health issues compounded by teen attitude. She doesn't see the point in school and doesn't think she should have to do 'busy work'

And although she does have legitimate health issues, she uses them like a crutch to try and get away with being a total slacker. It's very frustrating. One minute we have sympathy and the next we want to throttle her.
If she passes even 50% of her classes this semester it will be a miracle. And the only reason she's passing one class is that the teacher was very willing to e-mail me weekly and let me know what was going on.

The school should've contacted you before he'd been out over 5 days. My daughter's been lucky that she had good quality teachers who let me know what was going on right away.

I too have stated that I am willing to attend a few days of school if necessary. And I follow through on my threats, so my daughter has at least been trying a tad more lately...