Random but serious

[sweaterthebroodyrooster]

Hello y'all

I feel like random rambling is mostly jokes, games, silliness, etc. That's not what this is though.

I'm asking advice, but it's not animal related.

I had a lot of trust issues a while back. But over the years I have a few things that helped me a lot, and I had almost no issues the past few years.
But the I lost one of those things. And my trust issues have been coming back. Some worse than before.

I would prefer if I didn't have to tell the rest of the story.


If any of y'all have or know someone who has had/haves trust issues, could you please share your/their ways of getting over them?

If you would prefer to answer this in a pm you are more than welcome to, that works for me too.

 

[littledog]

I don't know if I can be helpful at all, but I had trust issues from bad stuff that happened when I was a child, got past that for the most part, then worse trust-destroying stuff happened as an adult. I'm not going into detail either, because whatever the specific events are don't matter - trust is something we have to find within ourselves.

I'm pretty old now - 60 - it's been more than 20 years since the horrible things as an adult happened, and it's still somewhat an ongoing process, but I'm at peace with the past, happy today in my relationships and with my choices, and generally trust most people around me, with boundaries.

Back then, as I was healing, I made a conscious choice to not succumb to the impulse to not trust anything or anybody until they proved themselves trustworthy by passing some test. I decided my default attitude would be to trust, unless the person or situation proved themselves to be not trustworthy. This was a hard thing to do - then it clicked that the main thing was TRUSTING MYSELF!

Your gut will tell you when a person or situation is not right, pay attention to the "red flags" when it seems one-sided, and ask yourself why. Easier said than done, LOL, when our emotions keep trying to play "scripts" from the past, it's so hard to filter out the lessons to be learned from the "fight or flight" instinctual responses.

Some people are predatory, yes, but for the most part, the people around us are decent, well-meaning, helpful, but usually motivated by self-preservation - just like we are! So trust yourself, trust your gut when something doesn't seem right, and draw boundaries for yourself and distance yourself from people or situations who disrespect your boundaries - make your own boundaries trustworthy to yourself.

Just want to add, could you get an emotional support animal? (maybe that's who you recently lost, if so I'm so sorry). My animals were a huge part of getting through bad times, because they were depending on me and I leaned on them as well.

Animals are so great at teaching us about trust. Both for them, and for ourselves. They put all their confidence in us to care for them the best we can and make their lives the happiest they can be, they motivate us to be as trustworthy as we can be for them.

Some days we fall short - we're tired, worked long hours, just unmotivated - still, they love us the same every day no matter what - their love for us is something we can trust infallibly.

Sorry this was so long - hope it helps a bit.

 

[sweaterthebroodyrooster]

I don't know if I can be helpful at all, but I had trust issues from bad stuff that happened when I was a child, got past that for the most part, then worse trust-destroying stuff happened as an adult. I'm not going into detail either, because whatever the specific events are don't matter - trust is something we have to find within ourselves.

I'm pretty old now - 60 - it's been more than 20 years since the horrible things as an adult happened, and it's still somewhat an ongoing process, but I'm at peace with the past, happy today in my relationships and with my choices, and generally trust most people around me, with boundaries.

Back then, as I was healing, I made a conscious choice to not succumb to the impulse to not trust anything or anybody until they proved themselves trustworthy by passing some test. I decided my default attitude would be to trust, unless the person or situation proved themselves to be not trustworthy. This was a hard thing to do - then it clicked that the main thing was TRUSTING MYSELF!

Your gut will tell you when a person or situation is not right, pay attention to the "red flags" when it seems one-sided, and ask yourself why. Easier said than done, LOL, when our emotions keep trying to play "scripts" from the past, it's so hard to filter out the lessons to be learned from the "fight or flight" instinctual responses.

Some people are predatory, yes, but for the most part, the people around us are decent, well-meaning, helpful, but usually motivated by self-preservation - just like we are! So trust yourself, trust your gut when something doesn't seem right, and draw boundaries for yourself and distance yourself from people or situations who disrespect your boundaries - make your own boundaries trustworthy to yourself.

Just want to add, could you get an emotional support animal? (maybe that's who you recently lost, if so I'm so sorry). My animals were a huge part of getting through bad times, because they were depending on me and I leaned on them as well.

Animals are so great at teaching us about trust. Both for them, and for ourselves. They put all their confidence in us to care for them the best we can and make their lives the happiest they can be, they motivate us to be as trustworthy as we can be for them.

Some days we fall short - we're tired, worked long hours, just unmotivated - still, they love us the same every day no matter what - their love for us is something we can trust infallibly.

Sorry this was so long - hope it helps a bit.

Thank you, this is helpful.

I think I will look into a emotional support animal.

I recently 'lost' a dear friend of mine (they did not die or anything we have just grown far apart in the last years and it feels like we are strangers) basically the only person I really did trust.

 

[littledog]

I'm sorry your friend has become distant. People come and go, due to different life events they're experiencing, but It's hurtful when you feel like you can't count on a person any more, who used to be an important part of your life.
But people who come and go, often come back again, if you don't burn your bridges. Please don't fault your friend, they are just going through different changes in their own life, that you shouldn't take personally. Maybe just text them every few months, asking "how are you doing? Hope you're OK."

 

[Isadora]

I had a friend, my best friend, who I was extremely close to before I got married. We were inseparable. We talked almost every day. She was a bit older than me, probably 20 years or so, single, never married or in a serious relationship. I know it hurt her when I got married, not because of me personally, but because she didn't have that in her life. During the first few months after I got married, we still talked almost daily, and slowly she stopped responding. It's at the point now where I can text her several times in a row, on several different days, and she will not reply to any of them. I don't think she's actually returned a call for years, Even though I do call her now and then. Initially, I was very hurt by it. But I realized that I can only do so much and that she makes her own choices. I don't consider her a completely lost friend, just a friend that isn't willing to stay in touch to the degree that I am.
Sorry you're going through this.

 

[sweaterthebroodyrooster]

I'm sorry your friend has become distant. People come and go, due to different life events they're experiencing, but It's hurtful when you feel like you can't count on a person any more, who used to be an important part of your life.
But people who come and go, often come back again, if you don't burn your bridges. Please don't fault your friend, they are just going through different changes in their own life, that you shouldn't take personally. Maybe just text them every few months, asking "how are you doing? Hope you're OK."

I don't fault him.
The texting is a good idea but I don't have his number.
We were writing letters but..he got banned from writing me.
I really hope our friendship does come back to what it has been in the past.

 

[Blue Raptor]

Hello y'all

I feel like random rambling is mostly jokes, games, silliness, etc. That's not what this is though.

I'm asking advice, but it's not animal related.

I had a lot of trust issues a while back. But over the years I have a few things that helped me a lot, and I had almost no issues the past few years.
But the I lost one of those things. And my trust issues have been coming back. Some worse than before.

I would prefer if I didn't have to tell the rest of the story.


If any of y'all have or know someone who has had/haves trust issues, could you please share your/their ways of getting over them?

If you would prefer to answer this in a pm you are more than welcome to, that works for me too.

I have always been able to trust my Heavenly Father, if no one else. The Bible says; “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” Matthew 10:16. I have always loved this verse, it keeps me on my toes! It also says; “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans” Psalm 118:8. Not that you shouldn't trust people, just be careful who you trust. I trust that He will help you to find people to trust in you life, and that this post will be helpful for you! God loves you, @sweaterthebroodyrooster !!