RANT-Frustrated with people! (long)

[jenichick]

My grandaughter died 4 weeks ago yesterday, and for the most part I'm fine and my daughter is fine, mostly.

BUT, I'm struggling with the fact that sometimes I get sad, like when the medical bills come in, or I go by the nursery and it looks so empty, or when my daughter says she went to the cemetary to talk to her and wishes she still had her etc etc.

I'm really struggling with how insenstive some people are (my DH's family mostly). I feel like if I mention it or try to talk about it I get the feeling that they wished I was OVER IT already. I don't really even talk about it that much. I can't freakin help it, I can't act like it didn't freakin happen. I'm tired of faking a smile to keep from annoying someone, I'm holding back from saying something ugly.

I cry over a chick with splayed legs not making it, or an animal hit by a car. Of course I'm going to get sad over a baby dying. Dangit what is wrong with this world. What the heck have people come to?

I hurt for my daughter, I hurt when I remember all the little needle pokes on the baby's arms, and I hurt when I think of her first cry, I hurt when I think of the booties and baby book that covered up in the attic with the flowers from her funeral.

just needed to vent, long day at work, and would rather type it here than blow up on unamed people at my house........

 

[TransplantedTexan]

There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling.
If these people don't realize this then something is wrong with them. You must feel your feelings in order to put them in place. Another words to move on is not possible with out sorting through and feeling these feelings. Not to mention just pure empathy, that these folks may lack.

 

[eggzettera]

Your life has been touched by tragedy, I am so sorry.

Years ago I had a still birth and truly almost went insane. People grieve differently (especially men) and you have to allow them to be "OK" (even though they are NOT) but they have to allow you to proceed at your own pace. Do NOT get upset that they are going "faster" through the process - they really are NOT, this will continue to haunt them down the road if they are at all involved in the situation.

I find most people do not know what to say, there is nothing to say.

All we can do is empathize if we have been there and try to sympathize if we have not.

Chin up. Life is good. But feel free to just stop and cry and rant & pull your hair out when you feel the need.

We are here for you.
Nadine

 

[FluffyChickenMama]

Im so sorry for all you have had to go through and still are going through.. and you should never have to apologize for your feelings especially when they are wrapped up in "your" babies. Any mother that wouldnt hurt for her children or her grandchildren isnt much of a mother or grandmother in my opinion.. Hang in there.. Vent all you need to..

 

[broncbuster07]

Jeni, it's not any of their business how you show your feelings! This is YOUR granddaughter, and it is your right to grieve over her death. Take heart in knowing that she suffers no more. She is in a place where there is no pain or sorrow. She will never have to feel what you are feeling. Grieve her passing and pay no mind to the ones who don't know what you're going through. God bless!

 

[jenichick]

thank you...

 

[Dawn419]

Hang in there, Hon! Remember, we're here for Ya!

Dawn

 

[luvzmybabz]

My daughter passed away 5 1/2 years ago, just 3 weeks before she turned 3 years old. I am one to tell you all people greive differently my sister and mother still use every oppourtunity to bring attention to themselves about their neice or grandchild (neither would babysit for me she had severe CP) This child was with me 24/7 for her whole life except for the few times my grandmother would watch her for an hour or so between feedings. It has been 5 1/2 years and I still go to the cemetery some times once a week for a while and then not for 6 months or more depending on my life at that point. 3 years after my daughter passed away my grandfather (my grandparents raised me) passed away from cancer. He is buried beside my daughter and to me ( possibly to your daughter in the future) It is a peaceful place where she can go to be with the child she loves. Unless you want to have a confrontation just greive as you know how and you will one day realize that when your grandchild is mentioned you will not cry but smile and remember. Do not worry that it is taking too long it's been 5 1/2 years for me and I still get teary eyed a lot.

 

[ozark hen]

Words cannot help either of you but know that we are here if you need to vent. We are here to listen and cry with you.

 

[nccatnip]

Jenichick, my heart breaks for you. I don't know if this will translate well via internet but- go ahead and allow yourself to feel the pain. Do what you have to for you daughter and yourself. But, don't resent the others. They are grieving in their own way and it is just different from you. Sometimes people want others to "get over it" because they are struggling themselves and just want things to be normal again. And maybe they just cannot bear the look of you in pain and feel utter helplessness. I truly hope this is the case.
My father was a champion at this. No matter what had happened to anyone near him, if they showed any type of pain, he would react by getting angry and yelling at us. It was not until many, many years later, I came to learn that he just could not stand the thought of one of us hurting and just never had the skills to deal with it. Sadly, we kids thought he was a real SOB for most of his life.