i cant know exactly how you are feeling. but when my baby died, my marriage died, and my whole world fell apart. no one could understand, even my mother and sister. it affected so many areas of my life that i did not expect. i could not be consoled, when people said "i understand" i knew they didnt. they thought (and said) that it was for the better, at least you have other children, lots of well meant but hurtful things .... i can only say i am here to listen and share my experience if it helps. 11yrs later and i still have difficult moments, although it doesnt rule my life any more.
grief is personal and follows its own path. you do what you need to. i should have. please vent if you can and we will listen. i wish i had had a group to share with back then...