Say it or not? (Long and vent-ish)

[swampcat]

Straight up I'm going to tell you I'm bitter. But I'm okay with that...

I'm debating what to do. My neighbor has been telling me her "woe is me" financial stories and I've about had enough. They are well-to-do, both work, kids always have the latest stuff, brand new pool, gym memberships etc etc yet she maxed out all her credit cards and was on the cusp of financial ruin. She stopped paying her credit cards for nearly a year and now all these companies are settling with her. So now I get to hear how "This card is letting me settle for x amount which is $8,000 less than what I really owe them!"

Great, but what about those of us who do not play this game and pays what is due? My household is a one income family. We cannot afford to have a gym membership, or premium cable, or fancy-pants phones but we pay our bills. How is this fair to us? Maybe I should stop paying the cards and get a sweet deal. I'm bitter, but how can I not be? Why do the misfits get special treatment and special deals while we (who make half the amount they bring in for yearly income) are stuck paying for everything the honest way because of our pride?

Do I say "Hey I'm happy you're climbing out of your (self-inflicted) debt, but I don't want to hear it anymore?" (or some nicer variation)? Or do I just continue to silently seethe? To make matters worse, I watch her kid for free every day and get her on the bus in the morning and off the bus in the afternoon. And her daughter is always nonchalantly saying something that hurts my daughter. The latest was she is taking horse back riding lessons. My daughter did for a short while but it was just too costly. Oh and they are going to the American Girl store in Boston in two weeks. My daughter wanted to go there for her birthday a few months ago but I explained it was too far and too expensive so we did something else fun nearby. And even a little more worse: the house she lives in is an addition built onto her grandmother's house (so grandma lived there first). They built it so they could take care of her. Who's still the one taking her to doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, the bank, etc? ME. Just as much as before they built this addition. But "I'm such a great granddaughter because I take care of my grandma"

ARGH

What do I do?

 

[SallyF]

For a start, I'd quit taking her grandma anywhere and let ditsy neighbor do it.

 

[swampcat]

But really, how do I tell the grandmother no? I've been doing it for years and she is elderly and all that. She will call me and ask me to take her somewhere and my heart just melts. When her husband was alive a few years ago I took her every day to see him in the home. I can't punish her because her granddaughter is .... whatever she is

 

[kuntrygirl]

Stop watching her kid and being bus stop attendant FOR FREE. That is called "a job."

 

[cassie]

I wouldn't punish grandmother either. I would make the time with her enjoyable for us both. Go to lunch once in a while if you can afford it. Get her to tell you stories of her youth and growing up, etc. That is always interesting. To me, anyway. As for your neighbor's endless complaints, I'd tell her straight up you don't want to hear it and that it is none of your business. Then minimize contact. Be polite, distant, busy, and preoccupied.

 

[cassie]

As for riding herd on the daughter, I would maybe tell the mother that you are no longer willing to take the responsibility. Maybe cite insurance and liability issues.

 

[magnolia-1971]

Sorry, but you need to let the neighbor know that you cannot watch her kid for free. I agree with it is called a job and you are allowing her to take advantage of you. On top of that the kid you watch is meen to your daughter???WTH? That really needs to end. She must have plenty of money now that her debit is getting settled. Really, you need to stand up for yourself, in a nice way, and stop watching the daughter for free. If you would have charged her for the last year of service, you may have been able to take your kid to American Doll whatever.

About the Grandma, there is not a good way around that. Remember, you are doing that for the Grandma and not the grandaughter. the Grandma probably calls you because she needs to get away from her daugher.

 

[swampcat]

So how do I say that I don't want to hear about her issues? The other day she was talking to me about it and the whole time I had my back turned to her and I was playing ball with my dog.... how do you NOT get that hint?! I just don't want to make it really awkward.... they are our neighbors for the next decade or two.

And I know I let her use me... that's the type of person I am. I just like to help but I can never say no when no needs to be said.

 

[cassie]

Quote:
Just say it. Tell her that sort of personal information makes you uncomfortable and change the subject. Maybe mention that you are sorry for her trouble but that you don't want to be a party to it.

 

[cupman]

A bit disappointed chickened hasn't chimed in yet.

But that aside, the lady is shooting herself in the foot. She's living outside of her means and in doing so her credit rating is dropping like a rock. I wouldn't be surprised if there comes a day when she can't make the house payments and gets foreclosed on. Or if she has to move into a smaller home. There's just so many things you need a good credit rating for. She may give her children horseback lessons and take them to the fancy stores, but her lifestyle will catch up with her. While your daughter may not enjoy the same luxuries as your neighbor's daughter at least you know you will have a roof over your heads in a few years. For all we know the other lady will be broke, homeless and have bad credit. She is really gambling with her future to live it up today.