Say it or not? (Long and vent-ish)

[SourRoses]

I get the point of your rant and I sympathize... it's not really fair for others to complain when they have more... and you definitely need to stop encouraging her to use you with all these free services you are providing...

But on the other hand... I truly doubt the daughter is trying to hurt your daughter by talking about her hobbies and activities. These are just the things that she is doing, hw can she not talk about them? And it may be her way of trying to make a friend, if her family is so material orientated. Kids whos parents make "sacrifices

" for them like that... actually the kids probably sacrifice a bit more than the parents by paying for it all with a stressful and unhappy family.

I think you need to decide what EXACTLY is really truly bothering you about the whole thing... (Is it that she is getting away with debt? Showing off too much? Complaining too much? which? ) and then you need to tell her about it honestly. The only way to stand up for yourself is to open your mouth and let the words out... so I think it would be better for you to do it than bottle it up.

Not trying to be mean.. just honest.. and opinionated... and hoping you find a way to express yourself so you and your daughter feel better

 

[hdowden]

just tell her you dont want to hear about it. i'm the same way its hard to say no but i force myself. as for her kid seems to me shes almost like her mom wanting to tell everything but at the same time it could be on porpuse to her ur lil girl (age would be helpful to know which one although it could be both). i have never watched any of my friends/neigbors kids for free, its a full time job and a liablty and if she doesnt want to pay for the care of her child i personally wouldnt watch her. why are you the one always at bus duty i can understand for your daughter but not hers, she needs to take the responsablity for her child. what if yall miss the bus and you have to drive them to school and you get into an accident (god forbid that) with her child in the car?

 

[Skyesrocket]

No one can take advantage of you unless you allow it. Repeat that to yourself every morning when you wake up. It took me years to understand that. I had a very good teacher over the years that showed me how to do it, and still remain a "good person".
My mother in law is the sweetest person. Everyone that meets her likes her. She doesn't babysit grandkids but she enjoys a visit with them. She never helped anyone move. Never took on another person's responsibilities.
If anyone asked her to do something she didn't want to do she would just smile and laugh softly and make the person realize that it was just wrong for the other person to even ask. I don't ever remember her ever coming out and saying "no". Just that soft laugh like it was silly of the person to even ask. No excuses or explanation but she got her point across.
Your neighbor is a USER. She will keep using you as long as YOU ALLOW IT. Tell her no watching her daughter in the morning...don't offer her an explanation. She doesn't deserve one.
The grandma is a different story. Enjoy her company as long as you can.
Remember: NO ONE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU UNLESS YOU ALLOW IT.
Good Luck to you!

 

[swampcat]

Quote:
Um... all of the above?

So how do I say I can't watch your kid anymore when I really don't have any good reason not to?

You guys make this sound so easy!! I will say something next time she brings it up.... hopefully I can just avoid all conversation with her for the next 5 years...

Quote:
I will say that every morning from now on. It'll probably end up like the "I will not eat the bonbons in the fridge" and then I eat the bonbons in the fridge....


Has anyone ever had to say something to your neighbor that you know will cause a strain on your um.. neighbor-ship?

 

[3goodeggs]

"I do not WANT to watch your kid anymore."
"I do not WANT to listen, anymore, to you complain about how hard you made your life ."
"You have worn me plum out."
"I do not enjoy being your toady anymore."
"OH, for pete's sake, GROW UP ALREADY!"

do you need more?

Because I'm full of it!

ehh, I have my own users. I have had practice.
And, no. They will not hear what they do not wish to hear, they will not get the most blatant of hints... because that would mean the world would have to stop revolving around... Them.

Just make yourself scarce. Walk away. You will be the rude one. Rumors will fly, but you are not the only one that she uses. People will be relieved that you broke free! It gives them hope for the same.

Good luck to you! From one hard working, budget minded , didn't get to enjoy the party on someone else's dime, person. i soooo understand and feel your pain.

 

[fuzziebutt]

If there's any consolation, it's that this will come bite her in the butt one day, and maybe you'll get to see it! Just ask her how long she thinks she will continue to get away with not paying what she owes. And when the time comes that you have the credit for the nicer car, and your daughter has a good job and good credit, because y'all lived within your means, she'll realise that you had the better plan. Living well is the best revenge. And living showy isn't living well.

She reminds me of the commercials where people say that they owed the IRS hundreds of thousands, but settled for hundreds of dollars. Kinda makes you wanna quit paying taxes, doesn't it? Seems to be cheaper in the long run.

 

[redhen]

I would not say anything... shes just venting/talking to you.. same as you are doing right now.
Its not your problem HOW or even IF she pays her bills. Or how much nice things they have..
Let her talk, and stay civil with her.
I also think that you are blaming her child for talking about the things that she is allowed to do.(.Horse riding..etc..) I highly doubt the kid is TRYING to hurt your daughter...
Thats just really odd to even say.. sorry.
Dont let jealousy bring you down... just be happy with the life that you have.
Just stop and think for a minute.

ETA: And if you dont want to babysit the kid then dont.. just say that you dont want the responsibility anymore... and tell her sorry. Give her enough notice so she can find someone else though to be fair...

 

[itsy]

There's probably some element of her getting by without paying the credit card companies some bit of money, but if she's defaulted so far as to be in an agreement stage with them, then she's likely cutting off crazy interest/late fees/penalties and not too much out of her true debt to them. So one card may have been charged to $1500, but with all of her defaulting/insane interest rates, it could have gone up to $2800. So maybe the CC company settles for $1200. Either way, when she talks about it, she's likely not getting some great steal. If it makes ya feel any better!

I vote that you should tell her that she needs to compensate you for watching her kid. Tell her that you were going to consider being an after school nanny to another child, but you can't because there are only so many children you can watch at a time. Her daughter is taking up that slot. So - pay up or get out.

You could always give her a deal like the credit card companies! LOL.... "I was going to charge you $200 a week, but if you pay me the month up front, I'll give it to you for $150 a week."

 

[Mattemma]

Just start being busy.To busy to care for her kids or anything else. People like her ride on the backs of people like you.If you want to be walked on do nothing and be angry.Better to find a middle ground where you can tolerate her and accept what is.I would not recommend a blow out with your neighbor,because you do have to live next to her and it can make things nasty.Boy,you think she is annoying now try ranting at her,and she will become a NFH so fast you will wish for the days of her pathetic rants.

Be busy.

We pay all our bills too.It sucks when other people scam and get free rides. I still feel better about how we live,and would not drop to their level.

My moms neighbor was asked to pay only half her credit card bill.Unfortunately she has nothing,and may loose her house.SHE is a good woman.Your neighbor on the other hand sounds like a scammer.


For the kid thing just take a break for one day here and there.Just tell her: I can't tend to your child tomorrow.No excuse needed.Is she asks you just say something has come up and you can not take care of her child. It is not like you have to PROVE it.You are an adult and can decide to do what you want-no excuse needed.

You may just need some time off,and after a few times you are good with taking care of her kid again. Like any caregiver you need a break-take it,recharge,and then decide how you want to do things.

 

[bakerjw]

I would continue to help the grandmother.

But I have no qualms at all about telling people what I think of them for doing what they have done with their credit cards. I have dug myself out of 1,000s of dollars of credit card debt and haven't paid a penny of interest to one of them in many many years. Those people are takers. The kind that will take everything that they can get without giving anything back and I really despise that type of person.