Say it or not? (Long and vent-ish)

[3goodeggs]

No, that probably happened because Gramma needed a good vent too... Not your fault. NOT your fault.

and

for Gramma.

 

[Skyesrocket]

Grandma had a stroke today. Seriously, what are the odds of this? I finally vent about something that's been bothering me for weeks/months/whatever and this happens?

I think I just need to keep my mouth shut...

I'm so sorry to hear about grandma.

How in the world could you think that her stroke was your fault? Gal, you need to quit beating yourself up over something you have no control over. You have a right to your own feelings. Please be more kind to yourself.
Medicine has come a long way in treatment of strokes. I pray Grandma makes a good recovery.​

 

[deerman]

Quote:
Agree..........you need to vent, sure that is what she is doing also.......no reason to go bashing her.....no more than when people need to vent on here........

 

[Mattemma]

Speaking of takers my one relatives boss needs like 20k in dental work.No insurance.He said he will just put it on a credit card and then file bankruptcy! Ugh,some people.

Poor grandma! Speedy healings for her.My friend had a stroke,and the medications they gave her have helped.

 

[frostbite]

I won't tell you what you should do.

You should know though, that if someone is using you and you feel like they're taking advantage of you, and you accept it and put up with it and don't say anything, you're not a victim, you're a volunteer.

Regardless of the health of Grandma, you can create reasonable boundaries for yourself and then maintain them, if that would give you more peace. If you aren't willing to do that because you'd rather be used, then your best bet is to enjoy being of service and stop being resentful. This woman hasn't harmed you. She has only asked you to do things for her. You never had to do any of it. You can set the terms of your relationship. No one else can do it for you.

I know this sounds a little harsh, but if you think you are a victim, there's no hope for you. If you can claim responsibility for your behaviors that got you into this uncomfortable place, you can change what you are doing and thereby change your situation. You cannot hope to change your neighbor, but you can change yourself. Decide what you want your life to look like, decide what friends you want to keep, decide what people you don't want to spend time with, and make it so.

Or leave things the way they are and decide to like it so you don't have to feel resentful.

If you really don't want to watch her daughter as they wait for the bus, tell her immediately. It's Christmas, there isn't school anymore for at least a week. That's plenty of time to make other arrangements. If you don't tell her, then clearly there is some reason you WANT to watch her daughter. If you can figure out what that is, it might be helpful to you.

I wish you well.

 

[rancher hicks]

Quote:
I love it.

Rancher

 

[Marcymom3]

Quote:
I'm so sorry to hear about grandma.

How in the world could you think that her stroke was your fault? Gal, you need to quit beating yourself up over something you have no control over. You have a right to your own feelings. Please be more kind to yourself.
Medicine has come a long way in treatment of strokes. I pray Grandma makes a good recovery.

X2!

 

[chickened]

You have kind of made these people a part of your life and now you are tired of it? This is something not easily undone you know. I can suggest all sorts of mean or not so nice things to do but if it REALLY bothers you as much as you say your best bet is distancing yourself from them if possible, they will figure it out. You cannot expect them to figure it out though if you keep in contact with them that is like keep on dating a girl that you intend to dump. Someone suggested putting up privacy fences and shrubs... not a bad idea. I am no fan of shunning someone but that may be your only choice... if you truly are tired of doing what you are doing with them. Some people only know one way to communicate and sometimes it comes off as boasting unwittingly.

ETA you could have much worse as posted here from time to time.

 

[nop169]

Just a thought... is it really the neighbor or is it the unfairness of the system? I think we all feel your pain for we all struggle in this economy and yet see others who play the system or seem to find ways to shelf their responsibility onto others.... I also find myself angry & sometimes bitter over the people who take advantage of the system & us.... but I am very opinionated & vocal and have realized that although it makes me angry.... I have a choice.... I can do one of two things..... I can continue to be one of the few who are the solution or I can become like so many others & become part of the problem. My pride, work ethic & reputation are too important to me to become part of the problem - reputation because MY kids are watching how I handle the issues we face & I want to teach them honor & integrity & responsibility.
I totally identify with how you feel but I recently realized that I am not really angry with the individual as much as our system that allows people to be irresponsible.... and I choose to be part of the solution by being responsible for my own actions & lifestyle.
Deal with the neighbor in the way that seems appropriate to you... and smile, take a deep breath, and know that there are others, like you, who choose to be the solution - even though it is tough at times.
Have a great holiday season & I hope all of your endevours are blessed.