Share stories about taking care of older parents.( and advice too)

[newfoundland]

What good news. I'm glad the difficulties between you and your husbands aunt are at least partly resolved. She does at least appreciate what you have done for her, although she hardly likes to admit it. I would say that your husband is possibly a little afraid of this formidable woman, I have seen this situation before, although it's usually sons and mothers. My own husband was a bit afraid of his mother and would never do anything to upset her, and my brother-in-law was the same. What he has to see is that your relationship with her does not have to be the same as his. He might be agreeable to things that you would not and that must be respected. Keep strong and keep your self respect, then others will respect you.

 

[erinszoo]

Just found this thread. Might be good to have a source for talking about these things as my parents age. They are in their late 70's and have "issues" but don't think they do, which is maddeningly frustrating. My dad has many health problems including a-fib (heart condition) and leukemia (chronic at this stage). He hates doctors though and kind of limps along until he has to go to hospital. Mom has memory issues but thinks she doesn't. Anyone else deal with that? Then there's the "not clean" clean dishes and half-cooked "cooked" food. Ugh. How to be kind and sensitive and not step on their feelings is a challenge! I usually offer to cook supper when I'm there and then "help" to clean up after. Luckily they already call us when they have some big project they are attempting to do, like replacing the toilet or tilling up the garden. They at least acknowledge those things are beyond their scope now. But it's the little everyday things that are so frustrating to help with because they refuse to admit they need any help and get angry if they think we are trying to help with them.

 

[BullChick]

Just found this thread. Might be good to have a source for talking about these things as my parents age. They are in their late 70's and have "issues" but don't think they do, which is maddeningly frustrating. My dad has many health problems including a-fib (heart condition) and leukemia (chronic at this stage). He hates doctors though and kind of limps along until he has to go to hospital. Mom has memory issues but thinks she doesn't. Anyone else deal with that? Then there's the "not clean" clean dishes and half-cooked "cooked" food. Ugh. How to be kind and sensitive and not step on their feelings is a challenge! I usually offer to cook supper when I'm there and then "help" to clean up after. Luckily they already call us when they have some big project they are attempting to do, like replacing the toilet or tilling up the garden. They at least acknowledge those things are beyond their scope now. But it's the little everyday things that are so frustrating to help with because they refuse to admit they need any help and get angry if they think we are trying to help with them.

Yes, I have dealt with this. I will not gross you out with info on Aunt's idea of clean. You will surely get sick. I too help as much as possible without making her feel useless (I try anyway). When she thinks we are done in the kitchen, I sanitize everything in a hurry. I have a lot of Lysol/Clorox wipes stashed around the house. I also keep a large supply of dish towels/cloths around. I change them sometimes 3 times a day.
She has A-fib too. Refused to take her pills. When the nurses threatened to send her back to the rehab/nursing home permanently, she finally complied, and takes them now.
When your mother forgets, try to smile and tell her it is okay, or if you have to deal with the forgotten thing, just remember that you care for your mother. Gentle reminders are fine, but even they can hurt if they are constant.
I will pray for your situation.