Okay, don't laugh. Oh, go ahead, everyone else does. I am afraid of cows.
I'll set the scene for you. I was three. My grandmother lived at the base of a mountain in Virginia. This was a very rural area with a dirt road leading back to the homeplace. She had two creeks and a spring branch on her property. Her nearest neighbors land butted up to her land. You could see their house from her place, but theirs was the only one you could see. My grandmother had no running water. In order to get to the outhouse, you had to cross the bridge over the creek. Her neighbors didn't have a whole lot of money, and only had one cow. She had just had her calf taken from her earlier in the week. They kept her tethered in place and moved her to new ground fairly often. Enter in the evil cousins. I was using the outhouse, and my cousins gets the bright idea to mess with the cow. They get out behind the outhouse and start bawling like a calf. Well, i tell you, this cow just knew her calf was stuck in the outhouse. She pulled that tether out of the ground, ran over to the outhouse and started ramming her head into the outhouse door. All I could see through the crack of the door was this huge cows nose and the snot that was running out of it. She repeatedly rammed the door. Finally, my Mom heard me screaming in the outhouse, and buddy, I was hanging on to the seat for dear life. I definitely did not want to fall down the hole. I have no idea how, but they finally got that cow away from the outhouse and was able to get me out. I was hysterical. They had the cow pretty close to me, and wanted to ease my fear by having me pet this hideous beast. I'm telling you, to a three year old girl, a cow looks to be 40 foot tall. I remember fighting them tooth and nail to get me away from the cow. I'm sure the cow ended up with a three year old girl phobia out of the deal, because I scared the you know what out of her too.
In my life today, I am surrounded by cows. They are across the road, they are behind the house. I have since been chased by a cow with a young calf. If I need to walk through the cow pasture, I will go all the way around the property to avoid them. I have almost hit cows with my car on three different occasions. I detests these evil beasts. I should be afraid of outhouses. We had a fire ant infestation that same year. I was the lucky one to discover them. However, i have no problems with outhouses, just the evil cows that attack them.
