so bombed

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by hdowden, Dec 22, 2011.

  1. hdowden

    hdowden Overrun With Chickens

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    ok i'm single mother of 3 very youong kids and since me and my ex broke up its been very very hard. i didnt need a job when i was with him. he broke up with me almost 8 months ago (soooo not going into that bs). when that happened i had to move back in with my parents and that has not been a ride in the park at all. i have yet to find a job in this little place and house shopping is out of the question on top of that i have college loans that are very backed up and some medical bills to that have gotten me into debt. i cry almost every night after the kids go to bed, i just dont know what to do anymore and it really really hurts and is very depressing [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] i just keep hoping for the best [​IMG]
     
  2. hdowden

    hdowden Overrun With Chickens

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    any advice on anything would be much apprecatied thank you. i'm trying so hard
     
  3. BrattishTaz

    BrattishTaz Roo Magnet

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    Right now a lot of people share your situation. It is a tough job market out there. All you can do is keep trying. Have you filed for child support? That should be the first thing you do, even if you don't want to. Start putting in applications everywhere you can think of. Take whatever you can get until you can find what you want. You would be surprised to know how many Walmart cashiers have college degrees and can't find work in their respective fields.

    Single moms just have to suck it up and fight through the urge to give up. In the end, your kids will remember how hard you worked to care for them.
     
  4. oldchickenlady

    oldchickenlady Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 9, 2010
    Cabot, AR
    Hang in there, girl...things will get better if you just keep plugging away at it. Have you thought about babysitting, housekeeping, sitting with an elderly person? Those are all options you can look at to make money. Look around your town and see if there is a need that you can fill or is there a skill or hobby that you have (cooking, baking, painting, organizing, sewing, etc) that you could market. Use your imagination...you might be surprised at what you come up with. You may have to start small and maybe do more than one thing, but it is possible! Even if you don't make a lot of money, it will keep you busy and you won't feel so depressed. I am assuming your ex pays child support? If not, address that issue immediately!
     
  5. mikensara

    mikensara Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I know a young woman in similar circumstances she left her hub. she is currently staying in a womans shelter with the two little ones. she is going today to a job skills program. She struggles its tough on her she has to be careful who she tells her whereabouts to so her hub doesnt find out where shes going so he can stalk her. (she lost her job due to this)

    how about a temp agency it may not be the job you want but its a start. I dont the ages of your children but maybe you can find a playgroup and see if any of the other moms can help you with job leads or help you find someone you are comfortable with for child care
     
  6. twentynine

    twentynine Chillin' With My Peeps

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    What part of La do you live in and what type of work are you looking for?

    No personnal information-- just general info.

    I live in SE La.
     
  7. m.kitchengirl

    m.kitchengirl Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I was RIGHT where you are five years ago. (Except I only have two kids now that the ex is out of the picture.)
    It takes so many days of just putting one foot on the floor, then the other. Fake it til you make it. I had to tell myself that every day.
    Before we split I was a reasonably successful Chef, working a lot, definitely a rising star. It became clear as a single mother I would have to only work when the kids were at school. I don't have much help, no financial support from their father, and he has removed himself from the boys' lives, and my family is rarely available to me for help. (My sister has babysat my kids a total of 3 times in 12 years. My parents have better things to do than be typical "Grandparents", we see them probably 4 times a year, despite my begging for more time with them.)
    It is not easy to be a single parent, or an only parent, but I can honestly say that after a lot of trial & tribulation I have some hope for the future.
    Finding a WEEKDAY ONLY cooking job took 3 years. Literally. There were weeks last year the kids & I ate off of $40 in food (and what I'd managed to can over the summer), and things were hard on me (mostly only on me, I try to keep a good attitude for the kids, and am a chef so I can make some pretty spectacular meals for $4. a night). I worked with some elderly people in the community driving them around for gas money and the occasional tip, I worked a day here or there at restaurants who knew me & needed an extra set of hands, I did small catering functions for friends, played a lot of gigs for tips. It was A LOT more work to make ends meet than working at a job is, but it did keep me busy & less depressed.
    I finally have a weekday job, and I have to say I have never been more frightened in my life. I know how hard these jobs are to find & I am trying to hang on for dear life to what I know to be the equivalent of a unicorn.
    You have to have faith in yourself & do what is best for your kids. If your divorce isn't finalized yet, work on that & on getting some financial help from your husband. Call & see if you qualify for any of the new student loan repayment options (there are a lot of new programs).
    I didn't finalize the divorce in time - I knew he would never pay child support & would wind up in prison if I ever pressed him on it - and I regret not having gone after him for more while I could. Now it is too late & I am having to pull myself back up out of the muck of debt, sorrow, and loneliness. It has been a long road, but I see the exit signs now, and someday you will, too.
    Do you have an area YMCA? Our local Y became my haven from stress over the last 5 years. They have a program for low income folks -ACCESS - that covers the cost of membership & lessons for the kids, they have daycare centers (that most ACCESS folks qualify for free daycare in) that watch the kids for a long time or just during work outs, family swim, etc. The boys & I were at the Y just about everyday. Nothing like 45 minutes on the elyptical to work out some stress, and a lot of splashing in the pool with the kids to make us all forget the hard things outside the door.
    You will find yourself again. But you have to fight. Even on days when you don't have it in you to fight.
    Good luck. These things are always hardest during the holidays. Feel free to PM me, if you need the ear of someone who has been there. [​IMG]
     
  8. Mattemma

    Mattemma Overrun With Chickens

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    Are there programs through your department of human service for free/discounted education for mothers? I know they have something like that here in Ohio for people who have been out of the workforce for a long while.They give them some basic skills to get a decent job. Also some moms get free childcare and a free education like nursing. Even a nurse aide course would be good.They make decent money around here now.

    I don't think moving from family would be better right now for financial reasons,but if you needed to then finding another single mom is a good option.You both can share the childcare and home duties.Apply for al lthe aide you can get.

    Wishing you better days ahead.It will get better.My mom left my dad when I was 10.She struggled but paid off the house and all the bills he left her,and provided well for us.She did it all on a waitress job.You can do it!
     
  9. kimisfishing

    kimisfishing Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I have found that a Shelter has more resources to help in your kind of case. I have been there and know how hard it is. My kids are 30/31 and they are close to me and they have never been in trouble, we were the 3 Muskateers.......keep the kids close, love them, and ask for and accept all assistance you can get from the ( MAN) LOl I cant believe I just said that LOL

    If you need any help finding where to ask, pm me, I can find anything and I dont quit till I win LOL

    THINGS WILL GET BETTER
    THERE IS A REASON FOR EVERYTHING
    YOU CAN DO IT
    ONE DAY AT A TIME
    sorry for the stupid sayings but they are TRUE TRUE TRUE
    remember we are here for you....
    and (below)
     
  10. hdowden

    hdowden Overrun With Chickens

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    i can do a few things that a college grad can do but i dont have a degree like them and its even hard for college grads to find jobs [​IMG] i'm have taken today and the next few days to try and relax and prepare for christmas as best as i can wrapping presents and all.

    i just remeber that christmas isnt all about the gifts but its about the time spent with family and friends.
     

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