Some ppl need to be smacked! [rant]

[Break an Egg]

Quote:
I agree, but if she says what she did wrong herself, she can realize she is getting punished for a reason, also I had asked her because I didn't see her smack my daughter, but I heard the smack, my daughter cry, and then I saw the red handprint on my daughter's face.

Another reason is that my daughter can't say exactly what happened, (she doesn't talk enough) so I may have gotten into the habbit of asking what happened. Since this seems to be so repetitive.

I'm also afraid that my daughter will eventually think this behavior is acceptable. I told her that if she continues she can no longer be friends with my daughter.

 

[DrakeMaiden]

I don't know how much it helps to make her incriminate herself. I hear it can make a child have problems with telling the truth in the future. THE EVIDENCE WAS CLEAR. You should tell her what you saw and heard and then ask her to stop and/or take away her privileges. My point is not to tell you how to "punish" her, but just to say that you don't need her to tell you what she did. That's all. You are the authority in the situation. If she feels you are weak in any way, she will take advantage. Be firm and trust your eyes and ears.

 

[DrakeMaiden]

Good luck, Texas Star. I hope things improve one way or another.

(The rationale for the argument I gave is that when you put someone on the spot and they know they did something wrong, it is often impulsive for them to resort to lying. So by asking them to incriminate themselves you are conditioning them to lie.)

 

[Break an Egg]

Quote:
My husband told me this too, when it comes to her lying. He said for instance, if I tell her don't do that, and she says I'm not, not to argue and say, yes you are, just tell her again don't do that and to ignore the lie.

I guess I don't understand that approach because I believe she should be punished for the lie too.

I really hope it never comes to me sitting her again.

I am a SAHM and I don't need anymore responsibilities than I already have.

 

[Cassandra]

Quote:
I have a different reason for not asking when I am certain that something happened. I wanted my kids to learn, from early on, that I'm no dummy and I don't need to see them doing something to know they did it.

Do you not remember having that awe of your mother when you were young? To wonder how should could just KNOW? I remember that! When they are 4 they think you have amazing powers. When they are 14 they realize there's not a whole lot of junk they can pull that you find out about sooner or later. I want my kids to respect me like I respected my mother.

But anyway, it was always hard for me to punish/discipline other peoples' kids. Especially when they won't do it themselves. If they ask again, tell them union wages (YOUR union) are ten dollars an hour. That might be easier than just saying no. LOL

Cassandra

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

I used to do a lot of baby sitting. I did the sitter classes and all that Jazz. One of the most important things they told us was to tell the parents if the child misbehaved when we watched them. I never thought I would have an issue with misbehaving children, as most of the kids we super behaved and loved having me there. However, one time I watched these kids who misbehaved the WHOLE time I was there! Not only that, but the mom allowed the boy to have a friend sleep over WHILE I was babysitting. I was so angry that I told the parents EVERYTHING that had happened. I knew they would feel bad and they actually paid me double what she originally said she would. She hasn't called me since, which was ok because I'm not sure I would want to deal with all that garbage again! However, I have a feeling the reason she never called me back was because SHE was embarrassed. These kids were about 12 too, so it wasn't even like they were super young!

Anyways, seems to me like anyone who acts like that towards you is not a friend. I've had my share of friends who try to take advantage of me and some of them I've lost and others have come to an understanding. I'm usually not afraid to speak up though, even if it means losing someone as a friend. If a person is truly a friend, you should be able to talk to them and come to an understanding without separating completely. That's how I can tell who my true friends are.

 

[WriterofWords]

Depending on the age of the child having them tell you what they did wrong can help them understand why they are being punished. For instance, when a puppy pees on the rug and 5 minutes later you find it and then rub the pup's nose in it, you are not teaching that puppy anything other than you are a mean human, the puppy will not connect the mean act with peeing on the rug. A child will often not connect punishment with doing something wrong if they do not recall what they did. In this instance it sounds like the child is old enough to recall what she did, so by re-telling the offense it will make the punishment have meaning.

I know I'll ruffle feathers (no pun intended) with my next statement, but as a mother and a teacher I feel too much credence is being given to the idea we should not put the child on the spot. Yes as adults we are protected from incriminating ourselves; children are not. We don't discipline our children because we might damage their self-esteem, we then blame the arresting police officer who picks up said child committing a serious crime. Children need to learn to take responsibility for their actions and the younger they learn it the better. If they don't want to be called on their actions they should learn not to commit the offense. They will grow up to be more responsible adults if they learn consequences as children.

Personally I would cut ties with this family, call it a learning experience and move on. Their daughter went home and said you were mean to her, and it looks like they believed her and that won't change. She has obviously never had to take responsibility for her actions and won't have to any time soon.
Kate

 

[whatnow?]

First of all, he should have been grateful for the FREE help. Some people are ridiculous.

I have a 5 Y.O. DD and a 2 Y.O. DS. (and my wife is a SAHM... club treasurer, actually!) I wanted to say that it was probably good that you were able to allow their daughter to spend some time in another caring environment where she can learn from your interaction with your child. But, putting myself into your shoes, I wouldn't let my kids play with any child that lashes out like that. I'm troubled by my feelings on this.

The lying is unacceptable, but normal. Slapping a smaller child is never acceptable... slapping is never acceptable. You were right to be upset by this. Forget about the lying, it is secondary. My 5 Y.O. angel attempts to lie on occasion. She'll correct her statement if she is given enough room, but if we pin her down she'll stick to her guns. At this age, poking with a finger can be interpreted as "hitting" so we have to be careful about what we consider to be "lying."

When we watch our friends' children, the discipline rules are the same for everyone. Our friends appreciate that some level of discipline is maintained. I usually let the new kids play until a rule is broken... then lay out the rules with a warning. We use the naughty corner method (naughty behavior, not naughty kids.) Our kids have "done time" in the corner at other peoples homes, too.

You can be friends with just the wife, if you want, I don't get along with all of my wife's friends.

You're a generous person for even offering to help your friend out.

 

[Cheekon]

Think of what a grate adult she will turn out to be!

 

[Guitartists]

You're all adults.... you should be able to tell her what happened and how it made you feel. I have a feeling there's probably more to this than what it seems. Maybe the daughter said something mean about you and they immediately sided with the daughter, what parent doesn't......... talk to her. Sounds like some things need to get straightened out.