Something I have been fighting myself about for a long time
- Thread starter gabrielle1976
- Start date
The last "mentally unstable" person I befriended - despite my better judgment tried to get me fired, vandalized my truck, and turned into an internet stalker.
You can be all nice to her face, but definitely keep her at arm's length.
You can be all nice to her face, but definitely keep her at arm's length.
Let it go.
You are simply not equipped to deal with this. Even if you had no family to protect, there would be no benefit to your friend in exposing yourself to her irrationality. The professionals have a bad enough track record. There is no way you can have a better one. The cure rate for psychotic disorders remains around 10%, where it has been for many decades.
The problem here is that the government decided some decades ago that these pitiful people were better off in society than in institutions. This was no doubt true in some individual situations, and of course it reduced taxpayer costs, but the result is that there are MANY people out there who have no ability to function in society. People interested in our homeless situation soon discover that this is often the core problem for them.
You are simply not equipped to deal with this. Even if you had no family to protect, there would be no benefit to your friend in exposing yourself to her irrationality. The professionals have a bad enough track record. There is no way you can have a better one. The cure rate for psychotic disorders remains around 10%, where it has been for many decades.
The problem here is that the government decided some decades ago that these pitiful people were better off in society than in institutions. This was no doubt true in some individual situations, and of course it reduced taxpayer costs, but the result is that there are MANY people out there who have no ability to function in society. People interested in our homeless situation soon discover that this is often the core problem for them.
Your concern for you friend is admirable..... but you must put yourself and your family first.......... think very carefully about what you are going to do..... perhaps your friend needs to stay in the hospital for her own safety especially as her boyfriend is such a control freak....... even if you where to rekindle the friendship, there are no guarantees that she will not revert back to drugs etc when she is released..... pray for her well being, but don't invite her back into your life.....
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you answered your own questions in your post honey...
all of your fears, doubts and reasons are right above.
Empathy does not mean letting someone ruin your sense of security - sometimes it means saying "I'm sorry and I understand you're having a hard time, perhaps a counseling center would better serve you than I. I have gotten some numbers for you in your locale if you'd care to write them down."
Protect yourself and your family dear.... that is whats most important.
God helps those that help themselves - first and foremost -remember that.
you answered your own questions in your post honey...
Empathy does not mean letting someone ruin your sense of security - sometimes it means saying "I'm sorry and I understand you're having a hard time, perhaps a counseling center would better serve you than I. I have gotten some numbers for you in your locale if you'd care to write them down."
Protect yourself and your family dear.... that is whats most important.
God helps those that help themselves - first and foremost -remember that.
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As someone who did work with the homeless population I agree with this post wholeheartedly. You CAN love her, it does not mean that you need to get sucked back into the vortex. Protecting yourself from an unstable person does not make you a bad person. All the best professionals can do is try to stabilize her and keep her safe. If she is locked in a drug abusing exploitative relationship there is nothing anyone can do.
As someone who did work with the homeless population I agree with this post wholeheartedly. You CAN love her, it does not mean that you need to get sucked back into the vortex. Protecting yourself from an unstable person does not make you a bad person. All the best professionals can do is try to stabilize her and keep her safe. If she is locked in a drug abusing exploitative relationship there is nothing anyone can do.
What good can possibly come of continuing this relationship?
Are you able to fix her problems? No.
Does she even want her problems to be fixed? Probably not or she would be trying harder to help herself.
Does the fact that her own family cannot help her make you a better choice to help her? No.
Do you have your own family to consider and protect? Absolutely!
Keep her in your prayers, but keep your distance.
Are you able to fix her problems? No.
Does she even want her problems to be fixed? Probably not or she would be trying harder to help herself.
Does the fact that her own family cannot help her make you a better choice to help her? No.
Do you have your own family to consider and protect? Absolutely!
Keep her in your prayers, but keep your distance.
I noticed that you mentioned nothing of what you get from this friendship. Not much, eh?
You don't have to continue this in order to be a nice person.
You don't have to continue this in order to be a nice person.
- Apr 18, 2009
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I just want to say that this is one of the most down-to-earth practical boards I've ever been on ...
You guys have all given great advice without condemnation ..
Bravo BYC!
You guys have all given great advice without condemnation ..
Bravo BYC!
- Thread starter
- #20
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I dont stop loveing and careing about someone because they have issues , everyone deserves to be loved and feel safe, I just wanted to know if anyone else thought it just woudnt be possible in this instance , I dont think It can be no matter how it hurts me so Im glad I have many objective people telling me the same thing that way I dont have to feel like im just bowing out cause its hard or uncomfetble. I have known this women for more then 17 years and while she has always had issues she didnt become noticebley phycotic till about 11 years ago. Im glad everyone pretty much agrees that while I still love her and worry about her there isnt anyting I can safely do to be freinds with her again. Ill still pray for her, God is the only one that can take care of her now.
and I dont mean to sound like im attacking yourecomment just wanted to let you know not getting anything from someone isnt a qualifcation to me.
I dont stop loveing and careing about someone because they have issues , everyone deserves to be loved and feel safe, I just wanted to know if anyone else thought it just woudnt be possible in this instance , I dont think It can be no matter how it hurts me so Im glad I have many objective people telling me the same thing that way I dont have to feel like im just bowing out cause its hard or uncomfetble. I have known this women for more then 17 years and while she has always had issues she didnt become noticebley phycotic till about 11 years ago. Im glad everyone pretty much agrees that while I still love her and worry about her there isnt anyting I can safely do to be freinds with her again. Ill still pray for her, God is the only one that can take care of her now.
and I dont mean to sound like im attacking yourecomment just wanted to let you know not getting anything from someone isnt a qualifcation to me.
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