Something I have been fighting myself about for a long time

[gabrielle1976]

You all seem very good at giveing opinions and advice so I figure maybe you can help my persepctive.
I got a call late last night from someone that was a close friend of mine for sevral years when I was young. I feel horrible cuase I have spent years avoiding her , Im not useually like that but she is mentally ill and I am truely afraid of what would happen if she new where I lived ect. Not to mention her long time boyfriend is a freaky creep , try wakeing up at 2 in the morning to your friends boyfriend high as a kite standing over youre bed

The christian empathetic part of me feels so awful , she was my friend I use to tell her all the time Id love her no matter what and always be there , but between the drugs the boyfriend and the mental illness I just cant. She was so desprate sounding last night she woudnt tell me where she was ( its possible she was back in the mental hospital ) she was so lonely she has no friends no family even her mom finnaly had enough and moved out of state , her sister has custody of her kids. I do not bealve she is a bad person but I dont trust mine or more importatnlty my sons saftey if i were to get close to her again
what can I do does anyone have any ideas?

 

[Whispering Winds]

I don't think I would. I know several people with mental disorders, and its hard enough when they are drug and alcohol free to deal with them and their ups and downs, but if you are mixing all that in with it too, you are just setting yourself up for more heartache, and possibly unhealthy situations. I know you told her you would love her no matter what, and you still can, you just don't have to hold her hand doing it. I probably sound hard hearted, but I deal with a family member who is mentally unstable and while she is doing much much better now, there were times when I almost wished she was in a hospital, just to take the stress and worry off of me. . .good luck!!

 

[lurky]

Your family comes first. Dont feel bad for protecting them..... its your job and your instinct

 

[gabrielle1976]

Thank you
Stress and worry I would glady shoulder for my friend and any who needed me but my and my sons physicall safety is something else entirely but I understand what youre saying.

 

[FrenchHen]

I"m here for you no matter what doesn't mean relationship without boundaries.

If you can set and maintain good boundaries, you might keep up the relationship. If she's an emotional trespasser, then it's not a relationship

 

[arllcountrygirl]

Quote:
I agree

 

[MagsC]

I agree also that your family comes first.
Is there any way of getting her help where you dont have to be directly involved? It really sounds as if she needs it.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
What she said 100%! There IS a limit...I can tell what a good friend you must be just by your concern over this!

 

[gabrielle1976]

Thank you all , whenever I try to talk about it with my famly they all think im sick for even considering her as a friend as she had a hand in quite a bit of bad things going on when I was in my middle and late teens.
I would never let her close to me again no matter what but if it wernt for her boyfriend It might be possible to have a causual meet at a coffee shop type relation ship , he keeps her on drugs to keep her parinoid and off her anti phycotics so he can control her but thats a whole other thing there she would rather be with him then alone and part of me cant blame her being as he is the only person in the world that will have anything to do with her but it shure makes things more difficult and unhealthy for her and everyone else. I guess I knew the answer befor I posted but it seems so sad to me that someone should be all alone in the world and with out friends and family , everyone should be loved

 

[hobbyfarmer]

You can love her and pray for her and honestly have her in your heart without being closely involved in her day to day life. You can't make her better and you do have to protect your son at all costs.