sometimes i just despise my life. (rant about over the road driving)

[shadowpaints]

I need to vent.

normally i am a easy going person, who loves everything about life. But right now, i cant love my life!! im going crazy. Im a stay at home mom, wife of a trucker. i cant STAND it any more. my hubby missed the 3rd thanksgiving in a row. i have no idea if he will be home for Christmas. i HATE looking in to my little girls eyes and tell them i dont know when their daddy will be home . i hate going to bed alone every nite. i hate not knowing when i will see him again i hate not knowing when i will smell him again.

its been 15 weeks. i havent seen, hugged or kissed my husband in 15 weeks

the holidays are soo important to me, its family time. but i cant stand being around my parents ... my sisters.. my brothers not right now. its too painful, they ask about shawn, and i have to go through the whole 'i dont know when he will be home' and 'yeah it sucks' and 'yeah its hard on the kids'

then i hit rock bottom again .

cant they just assume that if hes not with me to please not bring it up?


i miss him. i miss him so much that it hurts.

i call his dispatcher,and it doesnt help. i think it makes it worse.

all i want is my husband home for more than over nite, like a few days.

i talked to him for over an hour tonite, after the kids were in bed, just crying and going on and on on how much we miss eachother, how much we wish we could afford for him to stay home for a week, or even 2

ok thanks for listening. if you could toss in a few prayers for some strength for me , i would appreciate it.

 

[Up-the-Creek]

I understand what you are going through to a point. My DH is a truckdriver and so was my dad. You have to understand though, no matter how lousy you feel about him not being there, he wants to be there with you too, but he can't. He more than likely feels as lousy about it as you do. It is his job to take care of you and your children and with some men, that is a priority. Thank god that you have a man that will work and provide for you and the kids. As far as family making you feel worse,..tell them about it. Don't let them make you feel that way. They have to understand it is hard enough and they need to understand that it is you and your husbands life. Hopefully you can get things squared away where he can change jobs and be home more,.until then look at it as his way of showing that he loves his family. Remember it could be worse.

 

[HeatherLynn]

I just wonder if some of the problem is not the company he works for. My nephew is OTR driver also and his schedule looks nothing like what you described. Yes he does miss a holiday now and then or arrives a few hours late for them. We all just work around that but he is home for at least a day each week. Its rare to get more than a day but usually he can get that day off. His dispatcher of course is wonderful so that might be part of it but his company policy is to try to give the drivers that day each week. He makes very good money this way also, so this policy does not seem to be hurting him at all. ( I do his taxes so I know the figures)

You guys just keep hanging on to each other any way you can. Maybe look to see if there are any companies that offer better options for your family.

 

[WingingIt]

My DH leaves for long periods of time at once, too, (Army) so I know what you are dealing with.

I say that if your family can't be supportive, don't go over there for Christmas, just stay home and celebrate there. Save Dad's presents and have a second Christmas when he gets home. I actually just had regular food the kids loved on Thanksgiving and Christmas and waited and did the big meal after he was back on leave. I hope he's home soon for you. :Hug:

 

[Sir Birdaholic]

Sounds like you & your family need to move to Arkansas. They are drilling natural gas like mad, & need drivers. They pay about $20 an hour & you're husband would be home every night, or day, according to which shift. I wish you & yours the best of luck. I would HATE to be away from my home , DW, & animals for that long!

 

[mandelyn]

Well, look at the bright side, at least he isn't a soldier! I was an Army wife for 10 years, typical separation would be 7 months long with a little visit of two weeks. When he was home, there was still 2 weeks to a month spent training, 15 minutes away in the woods and he couldn't call... may as well of been overseas. And you didn't get to stay "home", you had to move all over the place to be with him... I had to sit in Germany by myself for most of 3 years. Never got to move somewhere WITH him, I either went after or before and joined up with him if it was possible. The last duty station, by the time we had dog friendly housing he had already left. The only time we ever went to the same place at the same time was when he got out and we did our "final" move. I don't know how women do it with kids! Hard enough with dogs.

What helped me a lot was getting hobbies I couldn't do when he was home, so that there was something to look forward to and something to keep me busy. The whole time I didn't know when he would call, could be 3 days in a row and then nothing for a month. Every knock on the door freaked me out, because they don't call you when something happens, they show up. So I made busy work.

I spread out art supplies all across the table I didn't use for eating. I tried beading, pottery, painting. I even painted a life size horse on a wall on a whim. And then painted over it and did giant jungle flowers. Joined American internet forums for all my interests, so that I could hear normal stories and talk about things not related to the military. Everywhere I looked there were women left alone and kids asking where daddy was. Didn't want to hear the sob story of everyone else, we were all in the same boat.

Learned to cook new things, thinking up recipes so that he didn't have to have the same old food when he came home. Read a lot of books.

Went sight seeing around the town, alone or with others who felt like venturing out of the house. Some couldn't hardly find the strength to crawl out of bed every day. Kids are real good about getting you up and moving. I got a cold dog nose to the face.

Even sight seeing in small American towns, there's always something somewhere to go look at. Something to get your brain going, to distract you.

Then when he finally did come home, after being alone for so long... the whole system got thrown out of whack. It was weird having him home, and then he'd leave again, and I had to go back to what was normal.

Now he's home 24/7 because they medically discharged him, and I don't know what to do with him! One extreme to the other with no "get used to it" time.

Having a part time job helped a lot too, if you have family that can babysit. Time goes faster, living from off day to off day where 5 days just sort of melt into each other. You live week to week instead of day by day. My issue with that was I had to quit every job I got since they wouldn't give me the time off when he came home.

The hardest part about "busy work" was actually getting started. I don't like to do chores, but I made myself a schedule, gave myself a reason to get out of bed. Art.. I had always enjoyed it, but really I wasn't in the mood. But I tried many different things and made myself do it until I did like it. I even worked puzzles and glued them to a board so I could hang it up. I hate puzzles.

I don't like sewing but I made pillows by hand out of old shirts while watching Gone With The Wind or some other "longer than heck" movie.

When he was gone, I learned a lot of stuff I wouldn't have learned otherwise. Now that he's home, we're both going stir crazy, so I need to think of ways to keep us both busy. I'm teaching him all the stuff I learned and new things... whether he likes it or not, same as I did, just for a reason to get out of bed. We started cleaning empty houses for side money, antiquing, going to auctions, raising chickens (his first time) training a puppy (he's only ever come home to a full grown and trained dog, missed all the puppy time).

All of it without strangling him because I'm used to working alone. We've had to learn to work together all over again. I started sleeping in the middle of the bed, that had to stop. Had to kick the dogs out of the bed, they're still mad about that.

The hardest part about all of it was learning to just do something. Anything. Whether you like it or not, just so you're busy. If you procrastinate, sleep too much, say excuses like "I don't like it"... "Not in the mood"... ect... you'll just maintain the same old rut and the same old slooooooow days dragging by. Been there. It sucks. No one is going to come drag you out of the house for your own good. You have to do it, just like you have to do everything else.

Totally worth it if you can muster up the energy to do something you've not tried before.

 

[Spookwriter]

Our drivers are home at least 2-3 days a week.

While some trucker driver jobs may indeed require a legenthy
time away from home, many do not. And the money is just as
good.

 

[coloradochick]

Shadow I can't even imagine living like that. I know many do. My DH drives a truck but, it's all local. I put a stop to the OTR work years ago when he got stuck in the Bay area for almost 2 weeks when the boats were refusing to bring the banana loads to shore. Rediculous! I'm sorry but there has to be something else. Like spook said it may be the company that is just keeping him out like that. We know a few of the guys around here that prefer to be out and away from their families. They're on verge of divorce. It's too stinkin hard when families are together but to have them apart like your's is is too much. My heart goes out to you and prayers that something changes that makes things better for you and him. Keep your chin up and

to you.

C

 

[shadowpaints]

thanks alll,
the thing that sucks, is that when he was hired on, we were told that this company is a family company. that they make sure that the drivers are home for the holidays. yeah BS . i know he isnt the only driver that isnt getting home .

he could come home tomorrow, BUT since the payperiods end on sunday, if he comes home during the weekdays it messes up our check and we end up behind for 2 weeks.

i just get so frustrated sometimes, i am so tired of being a single mom!

 

[gritsar]

As the wife of a police officer that works most of the holidays and can be called out at any time, I know it's hard on you.