Sometimes I Need A Reminder Why I Keep Doing My Job...

[EweSheep]

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It is the hardest job there is to turn around a city, gang banging, messed up kid! He has come a long ways and he does need structure, firm hand on authority and lots of true love that he is getting it from you. Sending him back is the worst thing and the odds are not looking good for him when he goes back. If it is the government thing, no one needs to know and if they wanted to see him, bring him back to "visit" for the day, to do paperwork and all that stuff. Don't the legal guardian understand that he is old enough to KNOW from the good and bad and what will happen to him? I think she is selfish and probably getting money from parents or state. If she didn't have him, she would lose it. Sadly, I've seen foster families doing that just for the money only, giving the kids the basic needs which ONE family stuck out a sore thumb. (glad they were not foster parents anymore)

I think he has a talent in writing songs and has a good vocabulary.


Good job to you! You need an award for the hard work bringing that young man such a good impression!

 

[TriciaHowe]

He sounds like one smart cookie! My husbands brother was a foster child and then adopted by my in-laws (he was almost 13 when adopted). His mom was an alcoholic and drug addict, he was born addicted to crack. His grandmother was given custody of him and his sister until she developed dementia and would lock them outside because she didn't know who they were. There was also no food in the house. He was sooooo skinny we they got him

He is one of the sweetest, most wonderful people I know...... He is 30 now and thankfully avoided most of the gang issues (we were in Miami), has a good job as a cook and has 1 bio daughter and her 1/2 sister that might as well be his LOL! He is a great dad and is artistic as well. His art is painting and drawing though. I am amazed by what he can do.
Good luck with this young man..... I wish you all the best

 

[Cindiloohoo]

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Hi! No he doesnt really have a say.... as i'm not his legal guardian.
His aunt is his legal guardian,, and shes saying that she wants him back home. Etc.. She thinks hes going to behave now,..,etc.
So... i just have to hope that he can keep up the good work himself!

Its hard for a high-risk teen to do though, with too much freedom... they want to have fun and heck with the consequences..

*guess i was like that too... thats why i understand them so well..

..*

Maintain contact. Send birthday cards, Christmas cards etc. call him just to say hi, whatever it takes, if you can. He needs to have pretty constant reminders of the things he learned while at your place. When you have to go back to the negativity it encompasses everything, and as twisted as it sounds there is a certain comfort in knowing what to expect and what is expected. By keeping in contact as much as possible, it'll raise the bar in his mind as to what is expected of him. He needs that influence, even from a distance. If he's like I was, he won't mind disappointing THEM, but he will NOT want to disappoint you

My "daddy" didn't have to say one word and could crush me and straighten my sorry behind out if I did something stupid

I met him when I was EIGHTEEN and he had MUCH MUCH more impact on me than my bio parents ever did. Why? Because there was no doubt in my mind that he cared very deeply how I turned out, and what I did. Not for him, but for ME, he cared about ME and that meant everything! Sounds like you have done the same for this kiddo

You are NOT without influence when he goes back. You probably never will be without influence in this kids life ever again. He's no long a stranger, he's a son

Keep him close ma!

He'll grow into a good strong levelheaded guy...and make a bunch of mistakes along the way and drive ya nuts

I'll be praying for the both of you, that you can deal with the pain of seperation when he has to leave

 

[Patchesnposies]

God bless you, Redhen. Our three youngest kids (siblings) were adopted out of the NM foster care system. Their coming into care, termination of parental rights and adoption by us can be traced back directly to the use of drugs and the damage it wreaks on families. Their Grandparents are also drug abusers and defeated themselves when it came to being allowed to become the children's legal guardian's. Their awful choices have become one of our greatest blessings.

It breaks my heart when I see older kids in care. You are doing a job not many would be capable of doing if they HAD to and you are doing it because you WANT to. I believe it is a gift.

My husband is a high school teacher and he is constantly telling me about this kid or another that he wishes he bring home for me to feed or love on or both. There are so many kids out there looking for someone to care about them.

Thanks for being there for this young man and keep up the good work.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Bless you redhen. Fostering teens is one of the hardest jobs there is. They are often extremely difficult to love, but so worth it. He'll be 18 soon and foster care and legal guardianship won't matter. If he knows you are still there and still care he might be willing to come back if he knows he is able. At 18 the system says they're adults but we all know they're not.

My foster is 21 years old now and he is still mine. Just because the system says he's all done doesn't mean he is. He's in the military now, but even now he needs to know he has a "home" to turn to if things get rough. Its about knowing where the love is more than about knowing he has a "place" to go.....

To you both.

 

[schellie69]

Redhen such a great job you are doing. I hope this kid makes it. i think he should keep writing even when he goes home it just might keep him on the right path. He has a real talent for writing. My DD has ocd and she has a habit of hiding food. I am glad he found his way to you. I will keep him in my prayers that he can make it out. After he goes back home can you keep in contact with him just to listen of give a friend advice.

 

[arabianequine]

to you redhen and the boy you have there. He sounds very smart and motivated to do what is right. I am glad that he wants to change and tell him he can do it!


As far as the state.....there job is to protect him and all kids in these situations and letting him go back there is not protecting him......from the gang activity he was involved in. His aunt should not have a say once he is in foster care. She is not able to control him or keep him out of that situation. He wants to control the situation by staying away from that area. I think if he pleads with the state enough and refuses to go back there, they will listen. His aunt and brothers can visit him somewhere else....thats what I think should happen. Truthfully gangs a very bad we all know this and they can even attack your family if they know where they are....they should all move too and to prevent the younger brothers from getting involved in the gangs.

My son just moved out yesterday and I am worried about him terribly but he likes writing rap songs too......he listens to psychopathic records music. Which I don't really care for but if he is just listening to it fine. I can't control everything. I have to pick my battles. I was raised in foster care myself so I know the things us kids go through when we were at home when growing up and it can make for a very hard childhood but can be overcome.

 

[Laurajean]

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And SEE how awesome you turned out today!

You're one of the tough cookie ones... you're a survivor... this i know.

Aw... thanks Wendy!

I always say I turned out okay DESPITE my mother. My father wasn't there much when I was a kid, but he at least meant well and has made up for it in recent years. But my mother, man, what a train wreck. She should never have had kids. Thankfully, I was a pretty smart kid, never got pregnant young (well, never got pregnant at all for that matter), never did drugs, or get into legal trouble, I was lucky. Got myself into a couple of abusive relationships, but learned and moved on. My brother didn't turn out so well. He too left home as a teen, but joined the carnival and became a "carnie", stealing, lying, just turned into a horrible adult. He's six years older than me, doesn't pay child support for his kids, just a total deadbeat. We are polar opposites. I think of him and realize I could have turned out like that! I went through hell as a child, and living on my own and supporting myself since I was a teenager. I look back and am amazed I didn't get into trouble. But thank you, if there's one thing I am for sure, it's a survivor.