Sometimes I Need A Reminder Why I Keep Doing My Job...

[redhen]

I'm a therapeutic foster parent for high-risk teens...
I have a 16 1/2 yr old boy with me now that likes to write "rap" songs... (which is a great way to help get his pent up feelings out..so i always read them and tell him how great they are..)
He gave me this one the other day to read... and it touched me for some reason. (Please dont mind his grammar and stuff... i'm sure schooling was the last thing on this kids mind as he was trying to survive living with his mother..) And it gave me a big reminder WHY i keep doing this often very hard and stressful job. If i can make a difference in ONE kids life....
Hes had a rough life... Dad is dead from AIDS... and mom also has it. (hes clean.. thankfully.. )..
Hes mothers a drug abuser and some of the things this kid told me hes had to endure just kills me. Severe abuse from mom and her boyfriends of the week.../ hunger, no food in the house, nothing but ketchup to eat, cause mom had to buy drugs...
He still hordes food in his room... so he always has a "snack" to eat when hes hungry in the middle of the night if he wakes up... I found cookies in there the other day.. and he said, " i dont know why i do that,.." I explained its probably from being hungry in the past, kinda like a security blanket to you,...and its no big deal.he can keep some food in there if he wants.
Anyways..this kid came to me from lock-up and from a stupid gang (the bloods)... and doing drugs everyday and... just living the "thug" life. Hes never been in high school for more than a month at a time... always got kicked out... etc...
Hes doing SO good here right now

, i'm very proud of him. Hes really a pleasure to have in our house. And funny! THis kid cracks me up! He has a great personality.
I just hope he keeps it up when he goes back home to the "city"... *sigh*
He put a few swear words in it..

.. i'll have to remove them or change them out..

"Drugs"
When i waz a boy i was abused. My mama went out with a (%^&&) that she didnt care she was being used. But *** that, i waz old enough to see that my mom waz heavy on drugs, that she didnt care about her children she didnt feed. She came back home barely on her feet. She grabbed the broom, thats when i ran to my room. I locked the door an i heard plates smashing through the floor. But she unlocked the door. She grabbed me by my hair and drug me down the stairs. She threw me to the wall and said, who the *** you think you are? An i screamed Please Ma, dont hit me anymore. But you think she cared, she had no heart and kicked me till i had no air. Dam i know life isnt fair, but i'm getting my azz kicked now-n-there.
But God gave me a blessing to spare. I was still lying there until someone that had a good heart -n- put her life on pause, to stop the cause. An that person was my Aunt.
When i got older my uncle told me to grow some balls, now i'm not running no more. I'm standing here big -n- tall. An i promise you i'll never fall. An hope fully my mom isnt using anymore. Cuz it affected me from the day i waz born.
Look at me now, i'm going to school and doings things right. Now I'm proud to say thank god i'm not living the same way. But i got carried away, I started getting high almost everyday. An when people see me that say, J.C. are you ok. Cuz your like your mom when you were with her back in the day.
Now my young guns out, never do drugs cuz your gonna end up like a bum. An trust, your too young for that S***. If you dont want that, you better get your a** fixed.



So there it is... yeah, it a bit rough.. but it shows you a bit of the inside of most of these kids. And the hurt...
And THIS is why i get SO ticked off when i hear some folks say that recreational drug use as a parent is still okay..And the oldstand-by...."the kids dont know what we do"..

When you become a parent ALL that crap NEEDS to stop!
My rant for the day...

 

[sourland]

Redhen, that tears at my heart. Hopefully this one will make it. You do a good thing.

 

[chicks4kids]

Wow. What a sad, sad memory to have. Good for him for being so hopeful about his future!!

Is he prepared or getting preparation on how to deal with things if he has to go back to his mom??

 

[SourRoses]

All kudos to you for doing what you can... God Bless!

 

[leree1019]

Thank you for sharing that with us. I am a *secret* fan of rap music. The good kind. Not the corny MTV "beats". And wow! If he wrote more and published a book I would read every word. i always think about life and how bad things happen and it is so easy to get down about things. But then I also think that in nature all that we need to know is already answered for us. You can plant the tiniest of forget-me-not seeds in a small jar with some dirt and some poop and before you know it, your window is filled with beautiful blooms. What a gift this young man has! Not only with his rhymes but in his confidence to share them. And bravo to you! Clearly you have made this young man feel safe enough to do it! If he ever wants to share more, I have "ears" willing to listen!

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Yes,, hopefully he will make it. The odds worry me though...
He'll be going back (in May/june)... to the city hes from, back to the gang.. and all the same "friends". and easy access drugs and easy money..
He says he doesnt want to go back there...(because of the gang)...and he wants his aunt to move out here... but her housing has a year lease that she has to do... so... he will most likely be put back in the same situation he came from...
And if he wants out of the gang he has to get jumped out... Which sometimes you survive and sometimes you dont.. OR you have to do a "mission" for them...
WHich isnt a good thing...
Is hard when you see a kid that you KNOW can do it,.. that can BE something... but they just go back to that mess.
he just lost a best friend last month..(he was shot) and that gave him a wake-up call... he blames "flocko"..the leader out there ..he says he always gets us into these fights and stuff hes got too hot a head...and we're the ones that get it... not him!
So.... he IS seeing things from a different view on his own... and thats VERY important/good thing.
But still...

 

[redhen]

Quote:
He wont have to go back to mom.. his aunt adopted him and his 2 younger brothers..
Shes a good person, his aunt. BUt hes still seen some domestic stuff there from what hes talked about..(he talks alot..lol).
And the 2 younger boys are giving her a hard time also...
Shes had her hands full with them. He said they were basically feral/wild kids when she took them in. So yeah... shes had it tough.
He says that shes just too easy .... they can do what they want...
She means well.. but this kid NEEDS structure ... so..she'll be letting him back on the streets again..i know it. *sigh*
BUT... the choice has to come from him... really. Hes old enough and knows what he needs to do.
Last he heard his bio- mother was back in the states and still the same... he called her on his birthday last November..

 

[WriterofWords]

I have a poem written by a student about 6 years ago, a 6th grade student, whose parents were killed in front of her due to drugs and gangs. She lived with her grandparents who were in their 50's and still involved with gangs and drugs. She so desperately wanted out of that lifestyle. I kept that poem, it's on my wall at school. That is why we do what do and we keep on doing it.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
THanks! I'll tell him what you said! Hes proud of the songs he writes, when we all say how good they are..

..
And i think its a GOOD thing for him to do...

 

[Qi Chicken]

You know sometimes I think we just don't realize how good we have it. I can not imagine being that kid.

Holy crap. Is there any way, any way at all? he could stay with you until his Aunt's lease runs out? Running a mission and all that. It seems like sending a lamb to slaughter. Poor poor kid. And good good for you. Sounds like this is his first taste of sanity. Good for both of you that he is still talking.